Gripe time. I am in some sort of funk lately. Seems that I do nothing but work, which is a bore, and follow my 3 kids around. Completely reactionary.

Wifey is all ditracted w/ her own dramas. She is also completely engrosse dw. her 2 sisters and mother. They do nothing except sit, yak-yak, drink and smoke. They talk about nothing and them judge everyone wlse according to their familial world view. She and I never really had anything to talk about but now we rarely even talk at all. I had encouraged her to stop working part time so that she would be less stressed and have more time to focus on our 3 kids. Now it seems that she is spending her etra time in the consorts of her retired mother and part time employed sister. They do whatever the hell they want with their money and time cuz they can. Wifey is starting to behave that way. The kids are barely getting what she said she would deliver. I don't get what I nee and just lip that I she works so hard. Does she even now what the intensity o a 10 hours day with a 2 hours commute is? Can she imagine the stress of having to make career choices that will define one's life and the fortune of our family for the next 30 years? She has never really held a full time job. I certainly appreiciate her taking care of the kids and the house. I have performed all of those tasks, though individually, at one time or another and would not want to do what she does. Yet she has zero concept o what I do, every fucking day. She thinks I go and hang out with friends at the office drinking coffee and shooting the shit all day.

She ight be happier if she finds a reason to divorce me, she'll get the house and the kids of course, and then her other sister can move in (her youngest sister already lives with us) and her Mom too. To top it of, I will end up paying her child support and alimony. Then she will have her circle of sistahs and mother w/o me getting in the way and I'll pay for it all.

I am so fucking bored. When it come to work, I am very uninspired. I see now that I can get rmonetary rewards for my hard work. However, the reward hardly seems worth the sacrifice of time and professional satisfaction. Right now, I want time to enjoy mysel a little. Exercise, spend time out doors hiking or kayaking and finding some sort o hobby and maybe develop a friend or two so i do not have sit in this goddamn houe all o the time.

It is truly pathetic but whenever I really have peronal time, say a few hours or so, I o not know what to do. Worse, I have no one to do anything with. All of my friends are barely friends anymore as I have succeeded in alienating myself from them over the years.

I think that I need to take a little control. Change from reationary to pro-active in my life. I just need to figure out what that means exactly.