Over the past couple of days, I have taken a look at myself from the outside. What see does not make me very happy. I am a nerdy, keep to himself, dorky, fat, middle aged, no friends having, nothing interesting, insignificant person. I wonder what my kids see when they look?
I've shyed away from friends over the years and now find myself going to great lengths to avoid small talk w/ acquitances. Yet I am desperately lonely.
My work is not that satisfying. I am simply a hired gun and I have learned that their is little satisfaction in that. Perhaps if I were on a different team (of consultants) it would be better but it is impossible to tell. I find that I wish to run my own GIS shop. This is probably in the public sector but could be for a corporate org (such as a telco). the public sector will give me the time schedule that I am looking for. i crave time off to spend w/ the family and for recreation. (This point on recreation is interesting because I have no friends to hang with and a very short list of recreation activities!)
The other night, I also realized that I would like to get into some activity again and pursue it. House renovations, biking maybe, and really get into it. I need something to strive for, something to compete in. Even if the competition is with some level of accomplishment in my own mind. Thru most of my life, I have been striving in some way: competively running in school, socially at Crow in college, professionally at work (until this year). Perhaps I can make a professional change but in the mean time, I need to compete on some level! Must get off my ass and make this happen. The activity cannot be too intense, however, as I have a full time job and wife + 3 kids to balance time with.
I feel that I am not progressing in my life in any area to any real significance. As a person, I am not growing anymore. And it is starting to suck.
Whine, whine, whine. That seems to be all that I do in this blog. Yet, that is a purpose that I need as it helps me sort out my thoughts so that I can deal with them.
posted by Mapit @ 12:44 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
I am also a State employee. The stress that goes along with all the many changes is great. Could be nerve wracking if I let it.
You may have heard this from someone you love....maybe not.
I try to find strength in my faith in Jesus. I ask the Holy Spirit to dewll within me and give me strength to face the struggles and daily demands that work places on me. My husband is on Social Security and is an alcholic. I pay the bills, help my adult children, and have every reason to be depressed.
But I am not. You may wonder why.
I believe that the Lord will not give us more than we can bear.
HE is waiting for you to get to know HIM. Once you do things will not be the way they seem to you now.
My suggestion to you would be to locate a good church. A church that teaches what the Bible says. Not one that makes up their own rules. Learn about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Confess that Jesus is your Lord and Savior.
If you do this with a ture committemnt, you will have many areas of your life fullfilled. You will be happy in everything you do and want to do. You will have the energy to enjoy your job, your family and the new friendsips that you will make in your new church home.
I promise. Give it a try. I am saying this because I care. I understand your frustrations, depression and inability to connect. I was there too.
Try it. I am so sure that if you do, you will be fully amazed. Your entire life will change. Your new job wil be rewarding and you may even meet someone that will help you find a good church and be lead to Jesus.
I will pray for you and the committment I hope you will make.
The man is the head of the family, the leadership of the family is up to you.
I would like to hear how your search for happiness is fullfilled.
I will watch for your progress.
All is Well in the name of JESUS!
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