Holy christ. I am so sleepy. And bored. I know that I need to go to sleep early to catch up on sleep and be ready for a busy work day tomorrow. But here I am working at my desk and working on my 2nd glass of wine.

I guess the wine represents a chance for me to enjoy myself right now. That is pretty important to me. I feel like my life is so mundane and boring. What is really soul crushing, is the thought that this is my life forever. It will not get any better than this. That kills me.
Working a shit load.
Tons of responsibility.
4 kids to try to be a good father too.
2 aging parents. 1 of which is now my dependent.
Sole bread winner. If my current employment situation were to change, what the hell would I do to support the family?
Despite squirreling some savings away the past few months, we still have a shit load of debt and that makes me feel small.
And I am so fucking lonely. Few friends. I have pushed away all my old friends from school and prevented anyone else from getting close.

So is this my life? Sometimes it feels like it.

I know I could flip into an opportunity but can I? Really? I always run up against my shyness, and dickheadedness that prevents me from making new friends or resurrecting new ones.