Subject: GMJ2, what is this??? Date: Fri, 28 Oct 1994 |
Today while in IRC someone with a very weird nick name sent me this so called "GMJ2". I haven't seen anything like this before so I thought maybe I will post it out to newsgroups. Sounds like they are having EGM2 kind of stuff 8) I don't really know if this is real or not, however, here it is:
A parody tribute to Anthony Shubert:
Producer, Editor, Photographer, Spell-Checker and Lead Writer:
Ricky "The Face-Man*" Newberg
(* = A tribute to my favorite A-Team character, please don't sue me)
Head Writing Staff: Contributors:
HEAD WRITER Rico "Shitty and Stupid" Mellencamp
ARCADE EDITOR Chris "Santa Claus" Nogard "Spanky" Franky Newberg
PC EDITOR Joey "The Snake" Martin "THE GAME DEVASTATOR" Lattimore
"LAWYER" Jonathan F. Randolph, Esq. (played by Samuel L. Newberg)
SPECIAL DOUBLE ANNIVERSARY ISSUE!
+===| Us: |==| Confusion |==| Non-Sequitor |==| Lies |==| "News" |==| Ego |===+
| ____ __ __ _ */\ |
| / ___| | \/ | | | / Twice the nonsense and twice the ego |
| | | _ | |\/| | _ | | /_ of GMJ, plus twice the integrity! |
| | |_| | | | | || |_| | |
| \____| |_| |_| \____/ | __ __ __ / | | __ |
| | [_ [_ | |[__ / | |[ ] | |
| "Hey, aren't you the kid who steals other | ] ] | || / \ /| | | |
| people's messages and makes them into | _] _] [_][__ / \/ [__] [_ |
| a fanzine or something?" - Bill White # One #s 59-60! |
|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------|
| An Imitative Chameleons production October 27 - November 4, 1994 |
+=============================================================================+
| Nintendo takes wraps off first 64-bit peripheral |
| MK3 and SF3 find their way into arcades |
| Hulk Hogan wrestles his way into our hearts |
+=============================================================================+
[TABLE]
The Face-Man Speaks..................................................[FACE]
Why we're better than you and how we can prove it in court
Bitch 'n' Moan....................................................[LETTERS]
Our loyal fans don't even need a postage stamp for these babies!
CONTEST...........................................................[CONTEST]
Time to let your imagination and magic markers go wild
"News Time"..........................................................[NEWS]
Stuff we compiled from other peoples' posts last week
You Heard it Here First!...........................................[RUMORS]
Hot new info on Street Fighter 3, only in GMJ2!
Hot at the Stores................................................[FREEGAME]
Acclaim sent it to us and we bring it to you exclusively!
Interview with Hulk Hogan........................................[HULKSTER]
At His Thunder in Paradise CES Booth We Confuse Him With Computer Talk
GMJ2's RLR............................................................[RLR]
Huh huh huh cool, and uh... not so cool stuff
[FACE]
+============================================================================+
| ______ |
| | ___| |\ /| |
| | |_ __ _ ___ ___ | \/ | __ |
| | _| / _` |/ __/ _ \ ____ | | |__| |\ | |
| | | | (_| | (_| __/ /___/ | | | | | \ | |
| |_| \__,_|\___\___| | | | | | \| |
| |
| SPEAKS! |
+============================================================================+
We never stop bringing you the most exciting announcements in the video
game industry and today is no exception!
We're going tri-monthly! (Steal that, EGM!)
The name of our new magazine is GMJ2. Every third issue will be a GMJ2,
packed with the same high-quality reporting you find in our parent magazine
and jammed even fuller with cutting edge reviews (see this issue's Acclaim
exclusive) and information.
There are a lot of lessons we've learned in the past 15 years we've been
making our magazine, from the days when it filled the blank pages in our
coloring books to the exciting times when we posted fifteen jam-packed Post-It
Notes on corkboards in the back of participating Circle K locations.
Most recently, people told us that we need to work on our attitudes. And
we're hearing you, if not even listening (see this week's letter page).
We're even going to make an effort to put more than one sentence in a
paragraph beginning next issue (I promise).
And starting with this issue of GMJ2, we're going to have 7 whole articles
per issue, up from 4 in our last issue. Great work guys!
The types of connections we've made inside the industry can't be beat. When
Hulk Hogan calls you by your first name and grunts something at you, you know
there's something completely unique and worth sharing with the world in that
experience alone. And while we're waiting for someone from Sony to call us back
for an interview, we're already lining up a hot chat with this guy who's
programming an Apple IIGS out of his garage next door... but let's not get too
far ahead of ourselves here.
This week's lawsuit report regards "Master Bob's Game Journal," which is
stealing from us and we're pretty sure is violating some law or copyright
statute.
As always, direct all flames to REC.GAMES.TIDDLYWINKS, because no one reads
that newsgroup and we won't be held accountable for our actions.
Watch this space whenever our next issue comes out and you'll see something
really exciting that will shock and surprise you! Cya in 24*9*1975, whatever
the hell that's supposed to mean... Ricky "The Face-Man" Newberg
[LETTERS]
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\ |\ '| | '| | |\ '| | '| | |\ '| | '| | |\ '| | '| | |\ '| | '| | /
/ |/ |\| |\/| |/ |\| |\/| Bitch |/ |\| |\/| |/ |\| |\/| \
\ |\ | | | | |\ | | | | and |\ | | | | |\ | | | | /
/ |/ | | | | |/ | | | | Moan! |/ | | | | |/ | | | | \
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/ REAL LETTERS FROM REAL GMJ2 READERS | WE DON'T MAKE 'EM UP, WE'RE HONEST! \
+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+
-+ From: Marvin "THE GAME DEVASTATOR" Lattimore (pav231b@PRODIGY.COM)
I thinc your last isue whas great. Keep up the grate work. I am such a big phan
of yours and would luv to help out if I can. From reeding your mag, i think that
my righting capabilities are good enough to match what i read. Also can you
give me the code for SNES Super Street Fighter 2 that changes it into turbo.
The one yu said u got from your inside source.
[Ed.: Consider yourself hired! We're always looking for talented and intelligent
writers, and as a great judge of character I can see that you're just what we're
looking for. Look for that SF2 code in our next issue, we've been using it
for three weeks now and now Akuma is kicking our asses on the SNES!]
-+ From: Anonymous (an2310@anon.anony.com)
Your magazine sucks shit! I was wondering if you net-mag could suck
any more than it already does? I'd rather read EGM, which isn't saying much.
I can't speak for the whole net but how many people bother to read your
lamezine? In closing, get rid of the ego, jerkoff!
[Ed.: Consider yourself hired! Oh, sorry, wrong letter. Listen, pal, what other
news source brings you the type of information we bring you each and every...
well... time we decide to publish our magazine? And just for your information,
we have a readership of over two million people, twice what EGM gets and
at least a million times what VideoGames gets. As for the ego thing, well, okay,
I'll try to do something about that, thanks for the suggestion.]
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*****************************************
** Se hablo ingles? ** WRITE FOR GMJ2! ** We need writers and Ascii artists
***************************************** to keep the magazine going week-
after week. Apply today!
[CONTEST]
+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+
\ SUPER ENVELOPE ARTWORK CONTEST! / We do it before the "other guys" do it! /
+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+
Count on us for the most innovative contests out there -- it's time to whip
out your indelible felt-tip pens and E-mail us your best envelope artwork!
This week's contest entries should feature a GMJ2 staff member in a compromising
position with either a member of the British Royal Family, Washington D.C.
Mayoral candidate Marion Barry, or a lovable pet (stray or barnyard types only)
of your choice. The Grand Prize winner gets a year's subscription to GMJ2 and
a copy of the game featured in this issue's REVIEW section. The second place
winner gets a copy of our SCES video tape (please provide a credit card number
for shipping and handling costs) and the third place winner gets nothing because
he's a loser who can't draw well enough to win first or second place.
Contest entries must be received by November 1, 1994 and must feature at least
two non-black colors (shades don't count).
Count on GMJ2 for the best contests around!
[NEWS]
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Nintendo announces first 64-bit peripheral
When the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) was launched, one of its great
features was the amazing artificially intelligent ROB the Robot Video Game
Buddy. In an amazing feat of hardware and programming genius, the ROB unit can
actually pick up GYROS from one pad, and place them on another. Even for 1985,
this was way ahead of anything those 'other' guys were doing at SEGA. The ROB
unit went on to win the hearts of thousands, well, maybe hundreds of people,
including the ever-happy staff of GMJ2, who were publishing GMJ2 on reinforced
rolls of toilet paper at the time. But that's beside the point.
For many NES owners, ROB was a breath taking experience. I spent all day
and all night watching ROB pick up the spinning GYRO and move it in the exciting
Gyromite gamepak. Unfortunately, only one other game was released for the ROB,
Stack 'Em, an amazing game in which you played the part of a daring constructio
worker. And just as I was saying to myself, "Who needs RISC processors and
all this fancy 32-bit crap, we have the ROB," I got a call from my inside source
at Nintendo. He said that a new version of ROB was in development for the Ultra
-64 and you that got me really excited 'cause I can hardly breathe right now
as I'm typing this. He told me to keep on practicing with Stack 'Em because all
games with apostrophes in their titles will be compatible with ROB-64, and you
know what that means: ROB can drive in Cruis'n USA and fight in Killer Instin't
or whatever it's called.
And as we speak, I am currently playing through level 4 of Gyromite. ROB is
still lifting the gyro, I will possibly finish this level by tomorrow, then
it's off to level 5. But let me say this, I have never been impressed by any
one machine in my life, as i have with ROB. Well, maybe except for that other
piece of wonderment, the 3-D glasses that came with Rad Racer, but that is
another story.
*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*
Our Japanese Source Reports on Mortal Kombat III
*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*
Use GMJ2 decoder font to interpret Japanese text:
[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q
$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[<>$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B
[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B.[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B<>$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B...[$B$8$c$Q$s"LOOK-OUT-FOR-THAT-BEAR"[$B$8$c$Q$s[(
B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B.
$B$8$c$Q$s[(B<>[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q
$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$"BEAVIS"$%$%"BUTTHEAD"[$B$8$c$<>$B$8$c$Q$s
[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$c$Q$s[(B[$B$8$
c$Q.
*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*
Capcom USA Enters Cyberspace
*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*
Capcom USA is now on the net. You can reach Capcom through Chris Kramer, System
Administrator, at 74774,1402@compuserve.com
Please don't fill HIS email with complaints, game ideas, requests for FAQs (or
other info you can find on your own). HE will answer relevant questions and
respond to interesting mail. This is an experiment by Capcom to keep in touch
with US players, so YOU GUYS all make this work. Also, if you belong to
CompuServe, THEY will be part of the new Video Game Publishers Forum B that
will be opening in the next few days. Let THEM know what's on your minds (and
trust HIM, Street Fighter III is coming soon, so don't drive THEM crazy).
[RUMORS]
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\ YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! (Rumors, Gossip, and Other Cool Stuff) /
/ All Reports Come Second-Hand From Our Secret Source at Babbages! \
+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+
by: Marvin "THE GAME DEVASTATOR" Lattimore (pav231b@PRODIGY.COM)
[Atari:] Hard to believe but true, there will be 50 Jaguar games by Christmas
and most of them have a release date of November 1! 50 more games are
in the ol' Babbages computer for a release date of April 1, so mark
your calendar.
[Arcades + 3DO:] Just when you thought it would never come out, the
unbelievable has happened. Street Fighter 3 is well into development and should
debut by the end of this year. Extra secret characters include Tony "Ace"
Shubman, a tall, fat guy who throws flames out of his mouth. All the graphics
were done on a SGI workstation but they used some of the old hardware out of
the Sega Master System to make this game possible. Look for the hidden Kano
morphs.
For those of you who can't wait for this great arcade to make it home, no need
to worry. SF3 has been secretly hidden in the 3DO version which is due out in
November. Here's the code: eject the CD, and smear ketchup on it, then put i
back in the CD player and close the hatch. You will hear the sound of a flame
igniting upon doing this code right, but you might have to listen carefully.
Wait a few minutes for the game to load and you're good to go!
When you see other mags stealing our codes, remember you read them here first
and we never lie to our readers!
[FREEGAME]
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/ WRESTLEMANIA - 1 Meg / NES # # ##### # # #### # # # \
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+ Rico Review: %%%%$####!@#%R$^(%^%$^ *@$!@AXADAFDS###### 32% +
+ Face Review: #$#$$$AXXXXX##$$#$&&&&&&&&&&&&NO CARRIER## 95% +
+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+
By Rico "Shitty and Stupid" Mellencamp
WrestleMania is actually programmed by Rare and released by Acclaim for
the NES. It features 6 of WWF's great stars like Hogan, Bam Bam Bigelow, and
Andre the Giant, the current WWF champion and star of the Die Hard movies. I
like Hogan, I wish Roddy Piper would come back and smack people with bagpipes
though.
The graphics are great. There's a few B/W stills of the stars, but they
look shitty. In the ring, they kind of look like their persona but not really
close, well kinda. The characters of your favorite deceased wrestling stars are
truly stunning and took some guy in England 5 years to complete.The sound is
mediocre, but each character has their theme music and it is at least
reconizable. What really makes it suck is the format of the game itself.
There's no wrestling in it! And I watch lots of wrestling on TV!
What's worse, the limited moves each character has either looks shitty or
are out of place. Hogan does a flying karate side kick and Bam Bam does a kick
that looks more like he slipped on a banana peel. (Serious, it looks just
like it.) What must be the stupid thing I've ever seen in the game is the "back
punch". You can literly punch or elbow people coming up from behind. What's
stupid is that you can punch behind faster that you can punch someone in front
of you. It's a plain bad game, lousy Graphics, sound, and it isn't even fun to
play.
AWESOME STRATEGY GUIDE!
Hogan does moves like flying karate kicks off the ropes and off the top
rope. Does loads of damage. Andre's really slow. Does incredible amounts of
damage. Has really good range. Can only be throw around by Hogan. Probably
the best character. (Especially against humans.) Dibiase's the shittiest
character. Lousy damage and range. Stupid moves like simple punches and eye
pokes. Easily beaten by everyone. Randy "Macho Man" Savage is another decent
character. Also has a flying karate kick. Does a fairly damaging elbow off
the top rope. (keep going for the top rope if you're him. There's no penalty
for missing and it's his best move.) Bam Bam Bigelow. The stupidest character.
Moves include the "whoops kick" and cart-wheel. (He actually does damage cart-
wheeling into people.) Finally, Honky Tonk Man. another guy with the flying
side kick as a running move. Also has the best back attack.(It's even faster
than normal and does loads of damage. My friend could destroy me with it, even
if I used andre, if he caught me a few times.
[Face-Man] Who needs 32-bit games when you have Wrestlemania? Remember, it's not
in the hardware, it's the PROGRAMMING. Too bad it's on rails though! 93% baby,
keep it coming Acclaim!
*, ADVERTISEMENT ``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*
We don't have anything to sell but send us credit card numbers and money
anyway. You can trust us.
*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*'``'*,..,*
[-=-{}-=-] [-=-{}-=-] [-=-{}-=-] [-=-{}-=-] [-=-{}-=-] [-=-{}-=-] [-=-{}-=-]
by: ____ __ __ _ /\ o
Joey "the / ___| \/ | | | / '__ Things we hear and don't hear when
Snake" | | _| |\/| |_ | | /_ / __| we call video game companies for
| |_| | | | | |_| | \__ \ hot information.
_____ \____|_| |_|\___/ |___/
| __ \ TRUE FIVE FIVE WE WANT TO HEAR
| |__) | #1 "Hey, aren't you those "He'll call you right
| _ / losers who are suing EGM back, Mr. Newberg."
| | \ \ for stealing your idea?"
|_| \_\ eal #2 "Could you spell that "You mean I'm actually
| | again? You're from SNK?" talking with THE RICKY
| | 'FACE-MAN' NEWBERG??"
| | #3 "Stop bugging me, kid." "I'll interrupt his
| |____ meeting for you."
\______| ame
| __ \ #4 "Mr. Arakawa doesn't want "Sure, I'll put a copy
| |__) | to talk to you, in the mail for you
| _ / that's right." right away."
| | \ \ #5 "No, I wouldn't go out "Your last issue was
|_| \_\ ankings with you for a million the best I've ever read!"
dollars, Ricky."
[-=-{}-=-] [-=-{}-=-] [-=-{}-=-] [-=-{}-=-] [-=-{}-=-] [-=-{}-=-] [-=-{}-=-]
* = not published by the Editors of GMJ.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\