ly Ballou, FQN Contributing Editor and Chief Correspondent

hree large melons -- with no regard for his own safety, we might add. Then he asked the growing crowd, "What's all this got to do with the price of cheese in Denmark? Who are you people, anyway? Good golly." And with that, he had nearly three of the five W's down pat. Journalism was the clear career path. The job of Chief Correspondent for the Finley Quality Network was a scant thirteen years away.

So there, with the exception of the part about the gypsies (which we're almost sure he made up) and any other things he may not have been fully truthful about, you have the incredible story of how Wally Ballou became the intrepid journalist that he is today. Or certainly wan