Naughty Bits
Copyrights, Trademarks, &c.
Opinions, Irreverence, and Other Important Concepts
Harlan Ellison Speaks
About Your Correspondent, Mike Harney
His Rap Sheet

Okay, so the button's a fib. I have no naughty bits. Let me rephrase that: This page has no naughty bits, but it does have some information about this site and me. A link to some brief bio information and my perhaps-too-comprehensive Desert Island Dozens is at His rap sheet at the bottom of this page, and my All-Music Guide essay on New Acoustic Music is reachable from that page.

Copyrights, Trademarks, &c.: I've attempted to use mostly original material in these pages, except where noted (for instance, I found the rainbow separator line I use in one of those web archives). That means all this stuff - excluding things like NASA photos - is copyright me, and not Steve Allen, and not anybody else. If you'd like to use any of these items, please e-mail me and ask for permission. In many cases, if you tell me why you want to use it, and it sounds reasonable, I'll say, "Sure, no problem." In other cases (if you want to use it in a for-profit way or are, say, a company whose washrooms are bigger than my house), I'll say, "No, unless you want to give me whatever was in that briefcase in 'Pulp Fiction' up front."

Characters that are the property of various entertainment companies appear (or will appear soon) in some of my images. In no way do I claim ownership or license to these characters. My artwork is a tribute to these folks and is always for personal use only. Specifically:

Opinions, Irreverence, and Other Important Concepts: Everything I say in these pages is my own opinion, not that of my employer or that weird dog who talks to me sometimes. If you're offended by my opinions or by my humor, that could be a sign that you're alive. In many cases, this is a good thing.

Just realize that some of my humor is done while planting tongue quite firmly in cheek. Present sentence excluded, I don't use smiley faces like :o) or <g> for "grin" here. If you don't get it, you don't get it, and that's all she wrote. This still bugs some people to the point where you might think that they're going to bust a blood vessel in their brains and flop around in a seizure and die on you right then and there. My advice in such circumstances is simple, yet annoying: Deal with it. Bite your wallet if you feel a seizure coming on. Don't swallow your tongue. Then pour yourself an ice-cold lemon-limeade - 4 lemons, 6 limes, and 1.5 cups sugar per half-gallon of water - and read this, which sums up my philosophy pretty nicely:

"Well, shit, friends, anything that can't be made fun of, anything, anydamnthing, is doomed to sink of its own humorless weight. You've got to laugh, dammit! You've got to find giggles throughout the day or simply fucking die! You've got to lighten up. Well, that's what this column is. A lighten up." - Harlan Ellison, L.A. Free Press, May 11, 1973 (emphasis his)