A Stickman in

a dimensional world.

by

Pamela Howe

January 27, 1997

(9^th grade)

To Noah my best friend, to Tammy for what I can’t tell Noah, and to Erica for what I can’t tell Tammy.

Would You Like to Hear a Knock-Knock Joke?

I was born on August 28, 1982. My family had moved to a small white house on Markham Street. The homey house was set in a friendly neighborhood with a small forest behind the house. These woods soon became a place for fun and meditation.

The day I came home from the hospital was my sisters first day of first grade. I had the curly blond hair of my father and the cocoa colored eyes of my mother. I was eight pounds nine ounces.

When I was six months old my Uncle Steve said to my parents, "...she’s going to be talkative." That was the under statement of the century.

Over the years my curly blond hair gave way to the wavy chocolate brown I now have. Though my appearances might have changed, I still kept my vivid imagination and sweet smile. I was always resourceful. When I was four, I would say I didn’t feel good to get out of bible school. My mother wouldn’t make me go. I also convinced one of my mother’s coworkers that I was a champion ice skater.

But I couldn’t stay out of school for long. I soon started kindergarten at Holy Redeemer Catholic School. My brother Jimmy, was in the eighth grade. My sister Angela was in the sixth. All my friends from the my neighborhood went to public schools.

Well, what is there to say about kindergarten? You color. You play. You share. First grade was a whole new ball game. I hated it. First I was... O.K. stupid. I was stupid and first grade is tough for kids like me. So I had to be sneaky to get ahead. For example when the teacher wasn’t looking I would put my lunch ticket on top so that I would be first in line. Another example was doing my cursive letters on only one side of the paper.

Then there was second grade. That’s a big year for kids at a Catholic school. At the end of a year’s preparation you celebrate your first holy communion. That’s also when I first started to actually like school. My second grade teacher, Mrs. Diesel, made learning exciting and a game. She avoided having a concrete sequential classroom unlike most Catholic schools. I’m an abstract sequential. It was also when I discovered that I liked to read. Then there was the next phase in my life which I will discuss later.

My great-grandmother on my mother’s side was born in what is now known as The Republic of Slovakia. She immigrated to the US in 1906 and then married John Kmec. They had my grandmother, Pauline, the second of seven children. They eventually settled in Red Barn, a small mostly Slovak village in Pennsylvania near the coal mines. Red Barn was about as big as two city blocks. (I know, I know that’s a housing complex not a village.)

Pauline moved to Cleveland, Ohio, when she was sixteen. That is where my grandmother met my grandfather another Slovak. They married in 1938 and had my Aunt Mary, my uncles, John, Paul, Steve, and Jim, and, last but not least, my mother, Monica. My grandparents gave my mother her strong religious beliefs. This is also where I get my proud Slovak heritage.

My father’s mother grew up on a farm in rural Michigan. She said she had the easiest time learning to write her name in school - Betty Betts. My grandfather also grew up in Michigan and worked on a farm. He served in W.W.II as a first mate gunner on the USS. Osmos. After returning home my grandparents had my Uncle Wayne, my father, Mathew, my Aunt Beth, and my Aunt Laurel.

Most of my family does not live in Michigan but are spread across numerous states. Even though we don’t live near to each other, we stay in touch. One tradition we are trying to start is to have my dad’s family who now live in Missouri come up to Michigan for Christmas or vice versa.

Knock-Knock.

I could take the easy way out and say the important people in my life are my parents and my siblings but, they know they are special to me. They know how much I love them. I would like to thank my family for everything they have done for me. Thanks.

One of the most important people in my life is not a parent or a teacher. She is my friend Erica.

Erica is everything. An actress, a writer, a poet, and a soon to be musician. She is also a great friend. She’s not perfect therefore you can tell her a problem and she can give you good advice because she has gone through it. She also has the amazing power to make people laugh. Jokes seem funnier if they are told by her.

The next most important person in my life is my science teacher, from junior high, Mr. Zusack. I know that a lot of people will disagree with me, but I thought he was cool.

The science program at my elementary was almost nonexistent. I hated science. We would have science the first and third marking periods and gym the second and fourth marking period.

I can’t say that he was always my favorite teacher but he did get me to love science. Sometimes I couldn’t wait till fourth hour, other times I dreaded it. Now if you ask my friends to describe me, the description always has to do with my love for science.

The last important person to me was my neighbor Edna. Edna was a sweet lady who lived next door. She always had a piece of candy to give to the neighborhood children. I could always sit on her porch and talk to her, or I would pat her dog, Katie, or her cat, Kitty, while helping her with a word search. But you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Edna died in January of 1992. I miss her dearly.

Behind my house is a tree stump. When you sit back there nobody can see you. That is where I go to do my thinking. That is also where I have a memorial for Edna. It is a small stump overlooking the local forest.

This past Mother’s Day my sister got a statue of the Virgin Mary. She painted it in an array of beautiful colors. We are going to put it in a shrine next to my stump. Soon, whenever I look back there and see my memorial next to the shrine, it will remind me of Edna standing next to God in heaven.

Who’s There?

When I want to go think, I go to a the tree stump behind my house. The stump is about three feet tall. It’s surrounded by saplings and older trees. The leafy canopy creates a cool environment in which a person can think and contemplate. The stump is on a hill overlooking the rest of the forest.

Unfortunately the forest has been touched, by the filthy hands of humans. Acid rain has turned the tall straight trees into stooping men. Old car parts and garbage lay on the forest floor. Once my friends and I tried to clean away some of the trash. As we removed a layer of trash there was more beneath it and beneath that. I still love it as a mother loves an ugly child.

My next favorite place I have just found. It is a retreat house in Oxford, Michigan. In the retreat house there are a lot of good memories. In there you can be yourself and let down all your guards.

The retreat house is a three story building. The first floor holds the common rooms. As you walk up one of the five steps of stairs, the second floor holds a large bedroom area. The third floor holds the smaller bedrooms. My youth group goes there twice a year, and you seem to get to know everyone better each time you go there.

When I go there I get this feeling of coming home. You can let your emotions go. You don’t have to worry

The last place that I feel is important is my church. I have spent almost every single Sunday there. I was baptized, had my first communion, and my confirmation at Holy Redeemer Catholic Church. No matter what door you come in through you’re always in an alcove. You get this feeling of awe and whole power. As you step inside the main hall you see a statue of Jesus opening His arms accepting anyone and everyone. I spend a lot of my time at church. I am as important to my church as it is important to me.

At all of these places I can feel safe and not have to worry about what people think of me. I am really glad that I have places like these where I can go.

Pam.

Most events that have made an impact on my life have happened when I was much younger. The event that I am going to talk about is the weirdest thing that has happened to me.

When I was about six or seven I went with one of my friends to go swimming at his grandfather's in-ground pool. While he was still swimming, I was swinging on the ladder that led into the pool. My hands slipped and I toppled head first into the pool. Even though the water was not very deep, I could not swim, I was disoriented, and had swallowed a mouthful of water.

As I laid face down in the water, I seemed to go out of my body and look at myself. I suddenly stopped my thrashing and something heaved my head out of the water. I then struggled to the side of the pool and rested there.

The next most remarkable event in my life is where I get my fear of thunderstorms and tornadoes. Since I was little I have always been fascinated with thunderstorms. My family never really takes tornado warnings seriously because every time there is the slightest rumble of thunder the weather station says to find a storm shelter.

Well, on one of these such days there was a storm front coming. My mother waited till the absolute last moment to take down the clothes that where hanging outside on the line. By then there were gale force winds and we hurriedly took down the clothes. The wind suddenly picked up even more and my mother saw in the distance a large, dark, foreboding cloud. Worried that the tornado might have finally come, she yelled for me to run into the basement. As I struggled against the wind I finally reached the back door of my house and ran into the basement.

Those few seconds waiting for my mother seemed forever wondering what she had seen that forced her to yell to me to run as fast as I could. Finally my mother pulled herself through the doorway and waited with me for what we thought was about to come. After we heard the sirens that proclaimed that it was okay to come out we had learned that there was no tornado. Even though I learned that I was never in any real danger the memory of my mother hollering for me to run is still with me.

The last important memory I have is myself starting third grade. Instead of a Catholic school I was going to a public school. They were like apples and oranges. I met a lot of people there and luckily one of my good friends went there but he was in second grade. I made friends easy enough and I found that the schooling there was easier than the more strict Catholic school. Still it shocked me when I went there I thought I was always going to go to Holy Redeemer.

This transition was not made any easier by the fact that my parents would be adding an a second story to our house that would hold my sisters, my brother’s and my bedrooms.

Well, I quickly got over the shock and here I am now. A lot of people after hearing my life story have told me I need to go to therapy. I simply tell them a saying of which I am fond.

"What doesn’t kill me can only make me stronger."

Pam Who?

I think the thing that is most important to me is my puppet Lambchop. I have taken a lot of taunts from people about Lambie. She is more important to me then anything I own.

I got Lambie when my family went to Target about five years ago for Christmas shopping. When we finally reached the check out line hanging from a post above the cash register was Lambchop. My mother mentioned about how cute the fluffy lamb looked and my father bought it for her.

One night I had a bad dream and my mother gave me her Lambchop so I would not be alone. She said that she was loaning her to me. Ever since then I have always slept with Lambie. I take her everywhere. To the movies (she likes Bugs Bunny), sleepovers, even camping trips.

Lambchop is a symbol of my mom’s love for me. My mother gave me something of hers without thought. That is one of the characteristics that I love about my mom.

I have a banner that hangs on my wall. On it are most of my friends and favorite teachers. This is also important. It is a symbol of my friends present and past. I made the banner about a year ago. I had lots of leftover pictures from all kinds of sporting events and various occasions, so I decided to display the pictures. Along with the pictures, there are descriptions of who is in the picture and little quotations about the scene.

The last thing that I am going to talk about is a piece of jewelry my grandmother gave me. I was confirmed last year in May. My parents gave me presents like books. The thing I wanted most was a locket. I love lockets. In the weeks before the service I left subtle hints to my family about my wish. Days came and days went and no locket. Finally the night came. Before we left to go to the ceremony I tried one last time for the locket. That was when my parents presented me with the locket I wanted.

It was beautiful. The locket was gold and the front was engraved with a flower. It was strung on a thin golden chain. My grandmother had given it to me. This was another gift that someone had given to me in love. My grandma had given it to me in remembrance of my joyous occasion.

Not Pam Who, Pam Howe.

Well, without sounding arrogant, I think I turned out pretty good. I still have a wild imagination but, I think it has tamed a little. My hair is now a deeper, darker, brown. My eyes are deep wells of brown framed by a small, chubby, face.

My neighborhood has changed too. A lot of people have come and gone, but I have always stayed here. My brother has moved to Grand Rapids and my sister is now going to college.

My friends are different. Even though they are the same friends I had in junior high and even in elementary, they have changed physically and mentally. Unfortunately, not everyone has changed. As my mother always says, "People are people are people." It seems that as you grow up, your problems grow with you.

When I was younger I felt I really did not belong to any group. I think I have finally found my group -- the miscellaneous pile. The miscellaneous pile is all the people who do not fit into any other group. You will not feel as if you belong, unless you do not belong. I know I never will fit in with the crowd. It’s against my morals. I try to be myself. I want to be memorable.

I have many things that I want to become when I get older. To spare you the huge list, all of them have to either do with wildlife or teaching. I would like children when I get older, preferable adopted. I will probably live in Michigan or Washington. They seem so much alike.

I have a lot of morals, values and philosophies. My three major ones are, I shall not kill any living creature, all life is sacred, and we should save the humans not the world.

As a closing statement to my book, I would like to say that we are all misfits.

That is my autobiography and so I now say to you,

God bless and good night.

scrapbook:

The Poems and drawings

of a Stickman.

"Toymaster"

by

Pamela Howe

Can’t you see, she loves you?

Yet you come to me. Scum.

You play with her pleasures, toy with her thoughts.

Can’t you see, she loves you?

I walk with him as I see you,

watching me, as she stands

in the shadows.

Watching us. (play the game.)

Leave us alone. You’ve hurt us enough.

You still play with your toys.

It’s all a game.

Well, now you’ve done it.

You’ve broken your toys.

No more dolls or cars for you.

She will break her toys.

"Perfect Date"

by

Pamela Howe

In my room so nice and roomy.

The day was wet and so gloomy.

Doing my trig oh what a bore.

When there came a knock on my door.

"Who is it?" I called so sweetly.

A voice said "Tonight meet me."

A midnight meet, oh what a joy!

Maybe it’s that cute boy.

I’ll put a ribbon in my hair,

Should I leave my shoulders bare?

Oh no! He is there in jeans plain.

My dress and primping were in vain.

He is with those friends I really hate.

Because they ruined my perfect date.

"Misfits"

by

Pamela Howe

I thought I was a misfit.

A person who didn’t belong.

A person who creates trouble.

And does everything wrong.

I stayed away from people.

I thought they would hate me.

But that has hurt me more.

For sadness is all they see.

But then someone told me.

That misfits are not dull.

For we are all misfits.

And misfits aren’t we all?

Return to Main page