Shakespeare Readability

Shakespeare Ponders His Flesch-Kincaid Readability Score

Will Shakespeare pondered late one night the problem with his stuff
He tried his best to make it clear but still it sounded tough.
To fix or not to fix? he asked, in reference to his text
'Tis nobler to be understood, or will the reader be perplexed?

He asked his buddies Ross and Gil what they would recommend
They knew, they said, some academics who could surely comprehend
And so it came to be that Shakespeare summoned to his aid
The services of Dr. Flesh and his assistant, Doc Kincaid.

The doctors poked and prodded 'mong what Willy could provide
They analyzed and measured, they counted and they pried
And finally they reckoned, and with a heavy sigh
They broke the news to Shakespeare: his score was way too high.

"Lend us your ears, O wily Bard, to hear our news so sad
Our scientific measures say your works are very bad
You'd have to be a college kid, at least, to read your plays
To make it through a sonnet — my gosh, that could take days!

"We find your syntax goofy and your lines are way too long
By shortening your sentences you'd make them much more strong.
Too many syllables are sure to raise your score —
So rather than pentameter, please keep the feet to four.

"That which we call a rose, Dear Will, by any other name
just obfuscates your paragraphs and makes them sound all lame
We recommend you stick to words that everyone will know
To keep your couplets simple and your reader score quite low."

Will thanked the learnčd gentlemen and showed them to the door
Their numbers and their charts were too impressive to ignore
Yet looking back on all the work he'd done in all his days
He counted how he loved his words in all those many ways.

"Out, damned charts," he thought about the numbers and the weights
"A plague on all your scores and counts and how my stuff all rates."
And screwing courage to the sticking-place he fetched his trusty quill
to show that numbers were no match for Shakespeare's literary skill.

(February 23, 2001)