10.28.04
Folks, the good ideas just keep comin'. As I like to jump on a sports bandwagon at the last minute, I watched some of the 4 games of the world series, and aside from the confusion about whether Boston or St. Louis were the Red Socks, I get pretty confused when they show replays. Sometimes it's a replay of something that just happened, and sometimes, I don't know - it's like from another game or something. So, I had this great idea, which I encourage an Major League video editors and readers of my blog to use: how about showing all the replays in sepia?!? Huh? Or, in slightly sped up, with wacky piano music playing. Actually, they sort of did that last night, when they showed Little League footage of some dude. So, they're on the right track. Maybe we'll see my idea come to full fruition next year, at which time I will, of course, claim credit for it. Something else that I've been observing in a slightly unscientific study of reality tv game shows based on "The Apprentice" and "Real World/Road Rules Challenge" is that the women's teams keep getting their asses kicked! And it's really bugging me, let me tell you. I can only come to the conclusion that the type of women who would want to be on one of these challenge shows are simply not good competitors, but it's a theory in progress - stay tuned for my continued thoughts!
09.24.04
I've been startled by a few things I've seen lately on television. Some good - like, where did Lorelie get that beautiful blue shirt she wore on the season premiere of The Gilmore Girls? Also, how hilarious is it that whatshisname's dogs are called Paw Paw and Chin Chin? I can't get enough of that. The Gilmore Girls is clearly the new pink. I'm not sure if Joey is the new Friends, but it's definitely watchable. And it gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling to recall "Friends' Nights" of yore. Mostly the California "Friends' Nights", this Chicago crowd I could barely get to sit in front of the television. "Joey Night" doesn't really ring to me. But "Gilmore Girls Night" rather does. Last night I watched the last half of The Apprentice and, I haven't really been watching this season, so I don't really know what's going on, but three gals get sent to The Boardroom, and then they tell Trump how this one girl is "crazy" and "scared" them. Then Trump gets excited and sends for all the ladies, who corroborate that this one girl is certifiably bat shit crazy. And then Trump fired her. Trump has clearly never been a 13 year old girl, or else he would have known what was going on there. It was pretty terrible, and I was rather amazed that that The Accused didn't jump up on the table and say, "You want crazy? I'll SHOW ya CRAZY!" which is what I would have done.
07.19.04
I just read that Nicole Richie had trouble getting through airport security because her nipple ring set off the sensors. And apparently she said, "You know what, you guys are letting lighters on the plane and stuff like that, but I can't have a nipple ring? What am I gonna do - poke someone in the eye with it?" She's got a point.* The last time I flew, they made me take off my flip flops to be carefully examined. That made me so angry I angrily muttered under my breath, "Give me a break." If only I, like Nicole Richie, had a public forum to voice my views on worthless airline security measures.
*Get it!?!
07.16.04
Folks, I'm almost 30, and let me tell you, it's starting to weigh heavily on my mind. When I was a kid, I thought by the time I was 30, we'd be riding around in space ships and I'd have three kids.* Instead, I'm unemployeed, childless (which is fine, really) and watch way too much tv. Last night I watched yet another installment of David Blaine Street Majic, or whatever it's called. What is his secret? His card tricks, I must say, are truly amazing. A lot of folks on "the street" seem like their heads are going to pop off after he does his thing. Also he levitated. How'd he do that? It made me think, "Maybe I can levitate?"
*I sort of stole that line from Bodies, Rest & Motion, but it's still true.
07.06.04
Ah ha! Just last week I wondered, "Is this the golden age of documentaries?" and you know what? A few days later, Salon posts an article asking the same question. Proving, once again, that I am, in fact, a super-genious. Or at least that I watch a lot of movies. In the last week or so I have seen The Stepford Wives, which sucked, Riddick, which also sucked, and Godzilla, which sucked a little. I'm thinking about writing reviews for some or all of those movies. Guess what I'll say!
06.30.04
So, I just watched a trailer for Ladder 49 and the trailer made me cry. That is so lame. This morning I also had cause to ask myself, "Is this the new golden age of documentaries?" Could be, really, although this is the only age I know, but there sure are a lot of documentaries out right now. Fahrenheit 9/11, The Corporation, Super-Size Me, Control Room, With All Deliberate Speed, and The Hunting of The President which is about the vast Right-wing conspiracy against the Clintons. Isn't that so weird that there actually was a vast right-wing conspiracy? I feel bad about all that.
05.07.04
Last night I watched the Friends finale - I've been watching that show for I guess 10 years. So, say there were approximately 24 shows a season, I think I've seen about 120 hours, or 5 days
worth of Friends, not counting any reruns I might have watched. Or one hour specials, like last night. Truthfully I haven't really liked the last season or two, but I figured, "I'm in this far..." Anyway, as I watched the last few minutes, and the whole gang stood in Monica's empty
apartment before she and Chandler moved off to the suburbs, I thought to myself, not for the first time, "That is a GREAT apartment." And I think I would like to paint a future living room lavendar and put a frame around the keyhole. I like Monica's New York apartment almost as much as I like Amelie's Monmartre apartment, which I tried to emulate by painstakingly searching for the two pictures she has hanging over her bed so that I might hang them over my own bed.
04.28.04
Lately I've been sucked into these Dan Brown books - his most famous is The Da Vinci Code, which I am slightly ashamed to admit that I totally loved, and today I just finished reading, uh. Oh yeah, Angels and Demons, which I almost literally couldn't put down. Dan Brown might write, "She literally couldn't put it down!!!" See how I try to make fun of him to show how literary I am? The truth is I'll read just about anything. I will not, however, watch anything, and I shall now list for you, reader, what I will not watch. 1. The Passion. 2. The Alamo. 3. Any movie with that stupid kid from Malcolm in the Middle. 4. Laws of Attraction. That one really cracks me up, in the trailer, the nicest thing they can say about Pierce Brosnan is, "He's wonderfully relaxed!" I'll never understand why every once in a while Julianne Moore has to run off and film some total schlock, like Evolution or Nine Months. How do you go from getting nominated for two oscars in one year to Laws of Attraction? Well, maybe I shouldn't be so hard on her, maybe, like me with Dan Brown, she has to cleanse the pallet of her mind now and then. I also have no intention of seeing The Punisher, and I've got some serious reservations about Scooby Doo Two.
04.16.04
So I watched The Apprentice finale and after The Donald said, "Bill, you're hired" and everyone started screaming and clapping, I got so depressed thinking about this damn economy of ours and how effing HARD it is to get a job that people cheer and shout when you get one.
04.15.04
Oh boy, a LOT has happened since I last wrote - over a month ago. I got into grad school, I've been working on my Barbie Boxes
and took a couple of little trips - to NY, Indiana and Southern Illinois. I'm excited about my Barbie Boxes, which are very amusing to make. The one shown here says "After she lost her job, she made a long list of goals to accomplish, but mostly she just slept all day until it was time to watch Trading Spaces." I also made a Victoria's Secret Barbie Box, and a Barbie on a farm scene (my first commissioned piece!) Next up: Gay Marriage Barbie. Look, don't go stealing my idea and making a million bucks off it, ok? Unfortunately this week I've been really sick and wore my pajamas for (count them) three straight days and nights. Also I have taken daytime tv watching to a level that has startled even me. Being sick is the worst. All I want to do is drink 7-Up and strangely, eat junk food. This morning I watched an awesome "Murder, She Wrote" where Jessica goes to an Amish village, and this Amish dude gets killed with a pitch fork. Later I'm going to watch the BBC Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth which is 300 minutes long. I bought it specially for days like this. And, uh, because Colin Firth is in it. When does Love Actually come out on DVD?
03.10.04
I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I've been really, really busy watching the West Wing and stuff. So, there were the Oscars, and I assume you all read my Oscar extravaganza, which is quite funny in parts if you have the time to read it, like maybe you have a temp job or something. We attended the fabulous annual party at my co-if-we-picked-the-oscars commentators' place, and once again, Mike won the contest to predict the most (actual) winners, even though he's only seen like one movie in the last year. Lord of the Rings, which, it turns out, was about the only movie he needed to see to predict and win an Oscar contest. If I had a temp job right now, I'd avoid working by reading this great material I found on McSweeneys.com. But since I'm not working, I'm just reading it at home. I started thinking I would like to work on the John Kerry campaign, so I sent my resume in. Then I see on the Illinois democratic website that I can call in and arrange to set up an interview. So, I call in and have a fairly hilarious conversation with this nice woman that goes something like this: Hello, I'd like to make an appointment for an interview to work on the campaign. OK, the best way to start is to e-mail us your resume. I already did that. OK, when did you do it? Like, a second ago, why haven't you guys called me yet?! And then she says, We have a turn-around time of like, 3 minutes, so you'll just have to be patient, if you get a call on your other line, you'll know who it is. hahaha and we laughed merrily.
02.02.04
For those of you who turn to Kelly for all answers relating to the Superbowl, and more specificially, Janet Jackson's boob exposure,
rest assured, I got ya covered (no pun intended). So, from assorted resources (CNN), I have discovered that supposedly, Justin T. was supposed to have ripped off only the black leather bit of her bustier, leaving the red brassiere below. Then it turns out he "accidentally" ripped off the whole thing, leaving us all to curse our non-TIVO TV. Initially I thought the whole thing was totally scripted, just like the erstwhile Simple Life, because it looked like she was wearing a pastie, and I thought, who wears a pastie that doesn't intend to show her boob(s)? ANYWAY, I find out from one of my assorted sources (the BAM-O-GRAM list) that she was wearing a "nipple shield" which I had never heard of until today. Looks uncomfortable. Justin Timberlake's statement of apology refers to a "wardrobe malfunction" which I think is so awesome. It's time malfunctioning clothing was brought to task! I can't tell you how many times my wardrobe has malfunctioned. Well, leave it to Justin to pull the lid off (no pun intended) this situation. PS, I got a new toothbrush.
01.27.04
I saw a very exciting West Wing today! I think somebody got shot! Also I used my new
toothbrush and it was very exciting too! It's one of those crazy new aged toothbrushes that have like a
plastic nubby thing in them which I think is called a "massager". It felt pretty crazy. What's with toothbrushes? Every time I get a new one, there are new, more advanced toothbrushes than there were before! Who knows what toothbrush advances will occur in the next 6 months! Meanwhile, where's my jet pack? Today the Oscar nominees were announced. I'm really excited that Lost in Translation got so many nominations. Too bad Nicole Kidman totally got dissed for best actress, although it was pretty exciting to see Keisha Castle-Hughes from Whale Rider on the list. That was a super-cool movie, and on video if y'all wanna see it. Stay tuned for my yearly "If we picked the Oscars" special on my film page.
01.26.04 - Golden Globes Recap!
Last night I watched the Golden Globes - it was a pretty good show, especially making fun of
Gwen Stefani's hair, which was tres alien. Our crowd was very appreciative of the lift and separate style so popular on the red carpet. Pregnancy boobs are hot, I guess. Rene Zellweger looked so much better than she usually does, having gained a few needed pounds for Bridget Jones 2, which I'm really excited about. Too bad by the time the Oscars roll around she'll have probably lost 30 pounds and be her old disgusting emaciated self again. I thought she was great in Cold Mountain. I thought GW was terrible in The State of the Union. Totally unbelievable. Whenever people talk about the economy getting better, I'd like them to think of me, looking for jobs at the computer everyday for hours and hours. With nothing but the promise of a Trading Spaces to keep me going. In other political performances, Howard Dean's little "Yeah" really did it for me. I can't get enough of that scream. Diane Keaton gave a ridiculous speech which she had written out Word for Word. I used to admire her, but after that speech and that movie, I'm through with her.
01.19.04
Every day, my addiction to the West Wing grows. Ah, it is a love so sweet. Today, that chick from CSI was on, as the President's daughters secret service person. I also love CSI. David Hasselhoff was on the West Wing, and so was Jay Leno. It was a great show. After the West Wing was over, I clicked over to HBO, and what's on but an old drunk-driving PSI from the early 90s featuring Sam Rockwell and guess who else? That chick from CSI! Well, congratulations to them both for their successes in life, right? I'll bet many who knew me 10 years ago had no idea that today, I'd be sitting at my computer, unemployeed, blogging about my favorite daytime dramas. No, hopefully no one had predicted that. Oooo! I got my hair colored. It's dark brown and I think rather pretty. Also we got an exercise bike over the weekend and I just worked out, so maybe I won't die of an early heart attack after all. Let's see, what else - we had a small game party over the weekend and played Balderdash and had a Pacman contest. I came in last, as a certain unsupportive husband predicted, but it was really fun.
01.14.04
Lately I've been very busy with my full-time job of daytime tv watching, and have recently discovered the beauty that is "The West Wing". It's on about 4 times a day, so I've been putting in a lot of overtime. Last night a Tori Amos song was playing on the show. Now I'm a REAL fan. Last week I checked out "The Apprentice" which is really disgusting and wonderful. All these dopey "entrepreneurs" leap desperately around The Donald while he puts as much distance as possible between himself and the glad-handers. He gave a tour of his apartment and it was the most ridiculous monstrosity I've ever seen - everything was gilded, it was like your grandmother's dream home. I know it's hardly worth mentioning, but what's with Donald's hair? One night I saw Kevin Bacon on Conan. It might have been a rerun. He was telling this story about his first audition, and the director told him to make a "smarmy" facial expression. Bacon said he didn't know what "smarmy" meant, but he figured it was an "oxymoron" and acted accordingly. MWAH! HA! HA! HA! What a "maroon"! Another night I saw a hard-hitting exposé on mtv about bootlegged media in Baghdad. That was pretty hilarious. The vj was sanctimoniously asking this shop owner about the moral and legal repercussions of pirated CDs and DVDs and he was like, Uh, in case you haven't noticed, nobody gives a shit about my little operation here, on accounta the bombs and stuff. I have to give mtv mad props for the Real World/Road Rules Challenge, though, because I'm totally addicted to it.
01.06.04
Well, it's 6 days into 2004 and so far I haven't seen the sort of dramatic changes in my life I was anticipating. Also I lost my favorite new hat. And that makes me sad. Well, I've got big dreams for 2004, anyway, despite a slow start (or maybe I'm just not rushing things?) Big, big plans. Yes sir. Even though it's only six days into the new year, I've still got a better track record than say, Britney Spears, who got married and divorced this weekend, but not as good as Sofia Coppola, who's only a few years older than me but got Golden Globe nominations for directing and writing Lost in Translation. I hate it when people my age like, do stuff. Successfully. Oh dear God, I just checked imdb.com and Scarlett Johansson is only 19! Ugh!
