When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving advice,
You have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel this way,
You are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
You have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I asked was that you listen,
Not talk or do....just hear me.
Advice is cheap: 50 cents will get you both Dear Abby
and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself: I’m not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and weakness.
But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
No matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you
and can get about the business of understanding what’s behind
this irrational feeling
And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and
I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them.
So, please listen and just hear me.
And, if you want to talk,
Wait a minute for your turn,
And I’ll listen to you.

 

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