STEP 1. Cry, cry, cry. Stay in bed, watch TV, eat comfort
food, sleep, preferably in a house with someone who loves you - a relative or
caring roommate. Unload on that person and tell them they can unload on you if
and when it happens to them. Write, write, write, without censorship, a letter
to him/her and don’t mail it. Start keeping a private journal. Do
ONLY this for awhile. Go to work if
you have to but do this for a weekend at least. Do it after work. Don’t get
drunk.
STEP 2. Then - start calling others; friends, caring relatives. You can call
them from your bed if you want. Unload on them. Tell them they can unload on you
if and when it happens to them. This is so you don’t feel guilty or inhibited
and it’s only fair. Alternate with STEP 1.
STEP 3. Then - start going out with a friend(s). Go to the movies, South St.,
dinner, a glass of wine is OK if you’re not in recovery, (alcohol, etc.)
Sometimes go out alone if a friend’s not available. Go to the library, a
bookstore, places where being alone won’t hurt. Places where you can browse and
not necessarily need to share the experience with another. Continue alternating steps.
STEP 4. Then - do something creative. Coloring in a coloring book counts, but
only if you get the biggest Crayola crayon box and of course a really neat
coloring book. It will be good for your inner child and it’s very soothing.
Free hand drawing, painting, knitting, needlepoint, weaving on a small
loom, etc., is also good. Don't take on anything too ambitious. Don’t color your hair a new color, it’s too
soon for that and it may turn out green. (But if you’re a punker, that’s good.)
Continue alternating.
STEP 5. Then - exercise. Your energy should start to be coming back. If not,
start real slow, like leisurely walking. Nothing too intense. But
START! Work up to power walking, then some gym workout stuff. Eventually
start running if you’re fit
enough. Swimming is nice if you can get to a pool, its soothing in a back to the womb-like
fashion. Alternate. Always alternate the previous steps.
STEP 6. Then - start helping someone else. In person, not over the phone. Visit
the elderly in a nursing home. Volunteer at a hospital or church, not for
clerical stuff, it must be people stuff. Help a house bound neighbor, run
errands, garden, just sit and visit. Babysit for an overwhelmed mother. Alternate.
It’s OK to spend a day in bed, even by STEP 6.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you that “you should be over it by now.” Thank this person
for their concern, then ignore them and keep doing the steps. The pain will
slowly decrease, but it will always be there to some extent, probably for life.
Use prayer at any step if that’s comfortable for you. Don’t be in a hurry to
date again, you need time to grieve and heal. You’ll know when you’re ready. Start
to think about forgiving him/her. That’s where real liberation is, but only if
it’s genuine. Don’t rush. Don’t rush. Don’t rush. Did I mention, don’t rush?
Love yourself.
Be patient, tolerant and kind. You’ve been hit by a truck. Have compassion.
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