]> It is important not to underestimate the magnitude of the challenges faced by stepfamilies. As a result of these challenges, more than 50% of stepfamilies fail to survive. Paying close attention to the following suggestions can help your family avoid becoming a statistic. (Please note that the Stepfamily Association requires that we clarify that we are lay persons and not professionally trained counselors. Nonetheless, what you will read below is sound advice.) Lay the Groundwork Early Long before you marry (or begin living together), you should begin the process of developing a relationship between your children and your significant other. Also, you should discuss in detail with your significant other the many aspects of running a household. You are likely to find a number of aspects for which your approach differs substantially from that of your significant other. (There are many ways to run a household, and it is not true that there is only ever one right way.) One sure recipe for disaster in a stepfamily is for there to be multiple issues for which the two parents have different approaches. Therefore, it is crucial to work out compromises, and to be sure to do so before you merge the families. Nurture your Couple Relationship If the couple has a strong relationship, the stepfamily is likely to succeed. If not, you can be pretty sure that the family won't stay together long. To stack the cards in your favor, you must work diligently to nurture the couple relationship. In a first marriage, you normally have at least a few years to cement your relationship before children come along. In a remarriage, children and the resulting family pressures are there from day one. (Sometimes you don't even get to have a honeymoon.) Therefore, it is imperative that you set aside time on a regular basis to be a couple, without the kids. In particular, you need to commit to going out on a date with your spouse or significant other for two hours once a week, every week. Personal Space People are very territorial animals. They get used to the space in which they live and have great difficulty when forced to share their space with others. Therefore, what is recommended when you and your significant other get together is to find, if at all possible, a new place to live where neither of you lived before. That way, children don't have to deal with sharing bedrooms with others they didn't have to share with before. Of course, that's not always financially possible. If one of you has to move into the other's house, try to use as much as possible this "personal space" concept in deciding the living arrangements. Also, don't forget to create some form of personal space for children from the prior marriage who visit on weekends. Don't Try to Do it on Your Own You may think that your education and your prior experience as a parent will have prepared you for success in your stepfamily without really trying. Don't take this personally, but if you think that, you're dreaming! The process of making a stepfamily succeed is unlike anything else you've ever experienced. What's more, each stepfamily is different. Hearing what others have been through, and hearing input from them on your situation, can be very valuable in helping you handle situations that come up in your stepfamily. So, join a support group and commit to attending regularly. You'll be glad you did! And, once you've learned your stepfamily lessons, you can give back by letting others benefit from what you have learned. After all, we're all in this together. Also, don't be afraid to seek professional counseling. It is often a necessary and valuable addition to your support group experience. Try if possible to find a counselor who is experienced with stepfamily issues.