]> Neil and I met in October 1988, and we've been happily married since October 21, 1990. That is not meant to imply that it has all been smooth sailing. We have survived many challenges typical of stepfamilies. When we married, my two daughters lived with us full-time. Angela was 12 and Amber was 3. Neil's son Daniel was 14 and visited with us on weekends. At the time, due to a number of factors, I was having more and more difficulty effectively controlling Angela's behavior. Neil and I agreed that he would help me by disciplining her when necessary. She was quick to obey his stern male voice. Two months later, we were shocked to discover a suicide note that Angela had written. I immediately called a psychologist, who suggested that the note was, at least in part, a reaction to having been disciplined by her stepfather. The psychologist indicated that, as a general rule, discipline in stepfamilies should be carried out by the natural parent until the stepparent has had time to develop a good relationship with the stepchild. In other words, Neil should stop disciplining and I should take over. I didn't feel I was strong enough to discipline Angela and I didn't like the advice, so we decided it might be good to look for another counselor. In the meantime, however, we continued to go to her for counseling. Not long after we sought counseling, we discovered that there was a support group for stepfamilies in Baltimore. We attended a meeting and purchased the book "Stepfamilies Stepping Ahead". We had a rude awakening when we read in the book, "Authorities recommend that at the beginning, discipline come from the biological parent. This means that parent and stepparent decide on the rules together but that the biological parent announces the rules and enforces the consequences." The psychologist had been right, so we decided to keep her! The preceding quote also contained the key to solving my problem disciplining Angela. We learned that "decide on the rules together" meant that Neil could help me with the discipline, as long as I was the one who carried it out. In July of 1991, the support group leader decided that she could no longer continue to run the group. We agreed to take it over, and we have been leading it ever since.