Yamcha + Tien

We suck!

First, let's start with Yamcha. Yamcha is the world's second strongest human, which sounds impressive until you realize that that actually means he's weaker than Krillin. Jesus Christ, Yamcha, I know elderly deaf/mute blind paraplegic Asian women with severe athlete's foot that aspire to more than that. Sure, Yamcha's tough. But you have to remember that he's also the only one who didn't even have to be dealt with by Nappa. He actually got killed by a Saibaman. That's really fucking sad, Yamcha. You were just essentially killed by a fucking houseplant.

Yamcha never even participates in fights. I don't blame the guy, at least against guys like Cell, Cell would smack him around like a little loose-pussied schoolgirl, but he won't even enter the 25th Martial Arts tournament, because he said he'd just embarrass himself. Now listen to me, Yamcha, a fucking lemur with a sturdy rake could beat 99% of the fighters there.

And Yamcha considers himself the "love meister" of DBZ, conveniently forgetting that his one real girlfriend left him for a genocidal alien madman. Fuck you, Yamcha. Yeah, I've been cheated on by chicks before, but they didn't leave me for Tim McVeigh, you stupid shit.

One thing I remember about Yamcha is that, in the Buu saga, all the secondary characters were looknig for the Dragon Balls, and the Balls were swallowed by a dinosaur, and it went into the ocean. So, after bitching and whining, about his new suit and fucking underpants, Videl and Chi-Chi go in after them instead. Yamcha, you fucking punk. Letting a couple of women do your work for you. They may be the two strongest women in the world, but that's not the point, you cockjockey.

And Tien's no better. For some reason, this guy actually has a fanbase. So my question is why? Yes, I can see Piccolo, Vegeta, and Trunks. Shit, I can even see Gohan. But when was the last time this birth-defected motherfucker ever actually did...well, anything?

He doesn't ever even put a dent in enemies, and he doesn't even show up for 3/4 of the Buu saga. Now, if you ask your average sexless fanboy, this is because Akira Toryiama, creator of Dragonball, had a "Saiyan Bias." Meaning he correctly concentrated most of his creative energy on the Saiyans and their direct supporting characters. Well, I say enough! We should have skilled writers and animators spend thousands of dollars to erase the boring, pointless, and time-consuming storylines of Vegeta's slow redemption, Piccolo growing wiser, and the blossoming romance between Gohan and Videl and replace it with a clown-midget and triclops staring at each other and blinking for 20 minute stretches.

Why is he even on this show? Did he win a contest? If so, what? "The Most Disfigured?" And, more importantly, why does he have fans? Are they amazed by the third eye? Well let me tell you something, that only makes him weaker. Sure, he looks tough, but he has a full 50% more places to hit on his face, meaning he's a much easier target. Of course, going up against Cell, it doesn't really matter of this fuckshit was wearing heavy armor. Tien isnt depressed about this, of course, because he can look into a chick's eyes AND looking at her tits at the same fucking time.

Some may question why I don't hate Krillin for his fucking uselessness, but am ripping on Tien for it. Well, the simple answer is, Krillin's at least a decent character. he goes out and fights against everybody, Cell, Frieza, Captain Ginyu, Buu, Peter Pan, Vin Diesel, your mom, everybody. Wheras Tien is such a fucking jackass that he didn't even bother to show up for 95% of the Buu Saga, because he was too goddamn busy watching porn on three TVs simultaneously. Not that I blame the motherfucker, that's what I'd do. Also, Krillin's girlfriends, Andorid 18 and Marron, are really fucking hot, unlike Tien's girlfriends, Lunch and Choutzu, are so fucking patheitc and stupid they were pretty much left out of the dub altogether.

Favorite Line:
Tien: "I see their parachutes, they're fine..."

He says this after Nappa blows up a helicopter. People are in it. we SEE them in it, as it blows up. They're FUCKING DEAD. And frankly, FUNimation, we're not as much on your ass as a lot of DBZ sites out there. We know that DBZ was already fucked up. But god DAMN it. I haven't been this pissed off since they cancelled Sifl+Olly.