Bulma

"So, you're telling me if I stuff one of these in my cunt, I won't get pregnant 8 times a week?"

In the original Dragon Ball, Bulma was the “breast girl.” Everybody was always trying to see her breasts, or touch her breasts, or punch her out and snort huge lines of coke off of her breasts (Mr. Popo). In fact, Master Roshi only originally agreed to train Goku and Krillin until he saw her somewhat marginal titties. See this in this month’s installment of Holy Shit, The Japanese Are Fucked Up Magazine.

Eventually, Bulma met up with Yamcha, and a on-again, off-again romance bloomed. I don’t claim to know that much, but during this time, Bulma began to crave cock like crazy. And not like your mom here, I'm talking she craves cock like the entire group of the Backstreet Boys after a visit to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Yamcha, of course, got sick of her loose ‘tang, and cheated on her. Not that I blame the guy, I'd rather fuck a stump.

''God damn you, Aaron!'' So, when we begin DBZ, Bulma’s still kind of mad at Yamcha, but has to get over it because the Saiyans are coming. Now, Bulma had absolutely no hand in beating Raditz, which I suppose is okay, but I get sick of people calling her a fucking super-genius. She’s a blue-haired cunt with breasts of varying size who had a year to figure out some device to stop the Saiyans. A whole fucking YEAR. Do you know what real geniuses could do with a year, slut? With Peter Parker, the Saiyans lose. Bruce Wayne? They don’t even make it to Earth. Dr. Doom? Shit, they’re erased from the entire fucking timeline or something. But Bulma didn’t even give it a god damn try, quite possibly because she was working on vibrators so huge they make Gundam bots look like tinker toys.

So, after Vegeta was defeated and everybody killed, she changed characters again. She was now a street-smart woman for about 2 episodes. They realized they needed to get to Planet Namek to get the other Dragon Balls. So Bulma got Kami’s old ship from some canyon on that hadn‘t been converted to condos yet, and, in a stirring show of good old Japanese xenophobia and racism, was utterly terrified of Mr. Popo. And who wouldn't be? Afer all, he WAS nice to her and always had a friendly dispostion, but on the other hand, he was really, really black. Fortunately, she didn’t have to deal with his collared greens and watermelon for long, and headed off to Namek.

Bulma had extremely little to do with the entire Frieza saga, except for the fact that she was turned into a completely idiotic ditzy blond, except her hair was still the color of whacked-out crack whores who have frankly taken too much god damn Kool-Aid, mom. She did fuck up pretty bad and get let some frog get in her body. No, this isn’t niche porno, the frog only would have fucked her if he had tentacles. Instead, this formed Captain Ginyu. So Ginyu, completely immune to logic, tried to beat up the Z Warriors. This is fucking bullshit. If I ever got into a hot girl’s body, I wouldn’t beat up guys 250,000 times stronger than me. I’d masturbate like crazy, knowwhuImsayin?

''Look at the size of that cock!'' So she got back, and decided to make it with Vegeta, thus earning the title Biggest Slut in the History of the Universe. No, I'm completely serious here. How NASTY a cunt do you have to be to cheat on your boyfriend with the guy who was ultimately responsible for his death? Because of this, she had Trunks, who turned out to be one of my favorites, so I guess it’s not too bad, plus a Cartoon Network show got to have an fucking unwed mother (how sweet is that?), but it’s obvious Bulma has the most liberal parents in the history of the world. They have absolutely no problem with the fact that she was impregnated out wedlock by a murderous alien. Think about how fucking cool that would be. Your mom could catch you fucking your own herpes-infected sister while high on heroin and surrounded by Nazi literature, and she’d say shit like “Oh, sorry, honey, I was just getting the laundry. Tee hee!”

This action produced Trunks. Thanks to this skeezbag ho, Trunks never had a prayer to be normal, but that is an entirely different story. Because anyone who has ever watched DBZ for whatever reason (and here I am thinking you did more weed than a AIDS-infected Ziggy Marley) will know that Bulma was the only main character to survive into the future. That's right, the strong like Goku, Vegeta, and Piccolo all went down, and yet this utter and complete WHORE survived. She's like a motherfucking cockroach, you just can't get rid of her. In fact, I have script pages from her infamous fight with Cell:

Yes, this is the kind of person we need running the world. The paranoid, whorish type who quite nearly destoryed the entire world with her rampant bullshittery.