Cell
Cell was the creation of the evil
Dr. Gero, who was actually a very sympathetic character. How would
you feel if your plans for world domination were stopped by some fuck
story kid who didn't learn how to wipe his ass until he was 35? Anyhow,
after raping Android 18, some of Dr. Gero's rotten, brown cum sprayed
into a pietri dish. This gave him an idea. Stop pulling out, you fucking
pansy was his thought as a result of this experiment. But after some
more times essentially sticking his cock in the toaster, he forgot
to clean up. Fortunately, 18 had a yeast infection that day, and the
resultant chunky cottage cheesy mixture began to grow. After a night
of heavy binge drinking, Gero hit on the idea of sticking his ejaculate
in a tube and letting it grow for a while. Then he was killed by his
Androids, while Cell grew in his Jell-O Jigglers container.
Cell continued to grow in his Cosby-approved tank until such time as he reached full maturity. Then he went out, and after wandering around, he killed Trunks and went into the past, which pisses El Guapo to this day. We'll be sitting around, in complete silence, drinking or getting blown, and he'll start spontaneously screaming "You know what PISSES ME OFF? That Cell was able to travel through time." Of course, he is more than happy to accept that a fucking lizard man is fighting with an alien for the fate of the world. So Cell traveled around, and found what really makes him cool above all the other queer bait in DBZ: Drugs. That's right, among all of the DBZ crew, Cell is the only one who know the fun of looking at your own hand for about 20 minutes on end, which was his hobby all the way to his Perfect Phase. See, he started out smoking the dope, which explains why he just didn't kill Krillin. And don't say, "Because Krillin was tough," because frankly Krillin could get beaten by a shit eating Japanese porn star. This depressed Cell so that he started doing heroin. The other DBZ queers would be like "COME ON, CELL! Let's fight!" Cell, however, would be drooling on the carpet and fucking Chi Chi. He started to absorb people for their adrenaline, although he was absorbing a lot of white bread honkey mother fuckers. If he really wanted to trip balls, he should head on by TOEI headquarters. Those mother fuckers smoke more pot in one night than Ziggy Marley's band before they had to play at police headquarters.
Cell is cool. There's no going around that. In all of DBZ, he is the smartest character. But that isn't saying much. When you throw a retard into a room full of inbreeds Down Syndrome babies, yeah, he's going to look like a fucking genius. But when you look at it objectively, only shitting in your pants isn't much better than doing the same thing but throwing it afterward.
Cell found out there was a huge stash of steroids inside of 17's asshole. He ran over there, and sucked him up in a scene oddly reminiscent of male rape. Unfortunately, there were side effects, as shown below:
Not to mention the fact that he was constantly tripping balls, as shown by the eyes. However, this tripping helped him. He realized what his true mission was. Cell's great, grand mission, however, was not to destroy Goku and the universe-rather, it was to rape kids and midgets. Watch the episodes some time, you'll see him in a whole new light. He's always breathing hard when fighting Krillin, (Oh...yessss...hey, could you do me a favor? Put on this sailor suit....oohh yeSSS), but that's nothing. He actually once said, "He should feel lucky. He was the first one to touch my perfect body." Fuck. I'm arrogant, but after raping a woman and leaving her carcass in the middle of a preschool, I don't start bragging about it to everyone I meet. Even if you say "Krillin was asking for it, his head looks like a penis, "he also have to remember he giggled like a schoolgirl when he had Gohan in a bear hug.
Not to mention, in the future, he says "That's right Trunks. I know more about you than you know about Meee." I remember watching Judge Judy, trying to decipher her gender, and a convicted child molester say exactly that.
Cell got tired on looking so fucked up, and decided to clean himself up. He found out there was a huge supply of splooge lodged in 18, and went over there. Somehow capable of defeating the INCREDIBLE resistance mounted by Krillin, he absorbed 18 and became more effeminate and mincing, not to mention British.
Now then, Cell is a special case,
but he has 3 forms. Cell has 3 forms. And to understand what I mean
by "forms," 
imagine
you walk around in the middle of a ghetto wearing a shirt that says
"NIGGERS," but you can take it off when you want. Why the
fuck does anyone in DBZ travel around in their weakest form? Well,
if you ask any otaku ass goblin, you will get this answer:
"Well, because they can't control their powers in the higher forms."
Bullshit. Frieza did fucking everything except of course have heterosexual sex in his big form, and yet he was showing no problems. Neither was Cell, so next time you hear this, give the straight answer "Because Akira Toryiama is a no-talent sellout cock sucker."
But back to Cell: His 3 forms were a lizard form, a form where he looked like a cross between Stallone and a pile of rancid coleslaw, and a hornet form. Why these forms? Why not something really cool, like a "giant breasts" form? ("We will defeat you, Cell, because we are...holy shit, look at the knockers on that mother fucker. Perfection, indeed.") Speaking of sex, where are the cocks on the villains? Vegeta is the only major villain that had a functioning penis. Buu, Cell, Frieza, Piccolo- no wonder these guys re evil. The have no cocks.
So anyway, after making a habit of outsmarting the dipshit Z Fighters, Cell finally reached Perfect form. And here's where the illusion of his intelligence breaks down. Instead of just fucking killing them, and going to rule the entire goddamn universe, Cell instead allows hem to bulk up for nine days, while he stands in a stone ring and stand around like he has Roshi's stick shoved up his perfect green ass. Oh yes, around this time he began saying everything abut him was "perfect." His "perfect tactical mind", his "perfect body" are terrible enough, but the most god awful thing he says is "taste of perfection." Sounds like you're being hit on by a slightly retarded Japanese hooker, doesn't it? "Me give you taste of PERFECTION haha."
Cell also is the best villain in DB of all time for two reasons: One, he was the only one to actually kill that ass munch Goku. Two, his voice. Whereas most of the DBZ characters sound like Michael Jackson were he slightly more effeminate, or like they have a dildo the size of an aircraft carrier up their ass, Cell was the only one who sounded like a villain should: British. Where the fuck did he pick up that shit? Did he travel as an impressionable young teenager to the isles, only to get a disease from a disguised Bulma, whose mouth, a jagged yellow mass of braces, fillings, and peanut shells, was about as inviting to stick his dick into as a tin can full of barbed wire? Is that the real reason he turned evil? But I'm being unfair. Cell, with the exception of his imperfect form (which by the way sounds like Snoop Dogg with about 8 cocks in his mouth), sounds cool, evil, and menacing, so the question becomes: What the fuck is he doing on THIS show?
Cell was eventually defeated by Gohan, but that wasn't bad enough. No, to completely discredit him, he was somehow defeated by someone weaker than Goku with one punch.
"Come on, Gohan! Cry out! I want
to hear you scream!" Here's
a picture of Gohan directly following this encounter.*