Frieza

Hey, boys, this is a DBZ profile! Figure skating is next week!

Here we see Frieza, who apparently is some manner of latex-wrapped dwarf. Frieza is the evil overlord of an organization that cleanses planets of their natural species and sells them to the highest bidder. This organization is the Bush Administration. This evil group of fags, lowlives, and outright transvestites includes himself, King Kold, and Captain Ginyu. Frieza was also the anuspuppeteer behind Vegeta's actions.

The DBZ staff came up with a brilliant idea: they picked a random old Mormon woman to portray the galaxy's vile Hitler. This was a brilliant idea because A) it kept him from being too scary to the younger children and B) it covered for the dubbing. Like when Frieza told the warriors when he was going to kill them all, and they all moved their mouths with silence coming out, one could pretend that they were all just trying to hold back their laughter at his pussy vocal chords.

There's no mystery as to why the Saiyans rebelled; There can't be anything more humiliating than being the universe's premier warrior race and being bossed around a pink midget wearing a Speedo with a voice like Julia Child.

Frieza has 4 forms. The first one is the pink midget who somehow inspired fear, then a tall bull-like guy with a tiny cock, then the queen from Aliens were she a flaming dike, and then the form pictured above. You can't tell from the picture, but he also has a tail, which is used to strangle imbeciles who don't expect it after the 20th time (Goku).

One more thing: Frieza had the shittiest lackeys. He had Kooie, who was some manner of homosexual lizard (seriously. Listen to him sometime, he sounds like he's going to start belting out show tunes), Dodoria, a fat pimple who came in second after Frieza himself in the intergalactic "Can't...Maintain...Gender" Competition, and Zarbon, who somehow had an Australian accent despite being a teal crocodile creature. Frieza, you want to rule the universe, get Andy Richter. Andy Richter is the King of fucking sidekicks. He'd murder Goku's unfunny ass and piss on his carcass before making witty observations about the president's sex life.

Frieza lived in constant fear of both getting something caught up his transvestite ass, and also of the legendary "Super Saiyan," an apparently fearsome being destined to control the entire universe. If Frieza knew that the first Super Saiyan would be a moron who continually rammed his head into things, he probably wouldn't have bothered.

Frieza, aside from his voice and coloring, had one other factor making him seem like some mincing fag: His goddamn dialogue. I swear to god he once complained about breaking a nail. But that's nothing, oh no. He actually said "We could have been so good together" and "Okay, big boy, whatever turns you on." to Goku. Jesus Motherfucking Christ. It's obvious that Frieza is light in the loafers to begin with, but do we really need this? You insane shits, why don't you just have him say "I'm going to kill you, Saiyan, after I GET MY MEATY ENGORGED COCK OUT OF YOUR ASS! Ooh-la-la!" and then have Goku say, "I'm sure it's HUGE, wherever it is! Ha ha ha!!!" Boing!

And there's one last thing I want to mention about Frieza, aside from the fact that he's an effeminate transvestite: He had so many extra chromosomes for his race that he was legally required to travel in the short spaceship. Goku stood in front of him with his arms raised for TWO ENTIRE EPISODES, and he never one looked up to notice the Spirit Bomb ready to singe his fudgepacked gay ass. After that, he made two Destructo Disks and says to himself, as Goku leads them to him "Oh, I see his plan, he's going to lead them to me and have them cut ME up. I'd never fall for that!" AND THEN HE DOES. And, when he gets the crap beat out of him, Goku, in typical dipshit fashion, gives him some of his own energy to save him. And Frieza attacks him anyway. So, that's the end of that arc, but we find out that Frieza is still alive! Yes! He had a Spirit Bomb explode in his face, beaten to hell, cut into 4 pieces, blown up, had a planet explode underneath him, and was exposed to the hard vacuum of space for hours, and he still survived. So he gets to Earth, and, in a moment that instantly made him one of my favorites, Trunks doesn't make a speech and doesn't put up with his fucking bullshit and chops him into smaller pieces than a Gundam model. And thus ended the pink and purple terror of the galaxy.

Favorite Line:
This.*

And having this cock makes me feel joy, too.

(Thanks to Xpenguin/Lance for the soundclip!)