Gohan
Mr. Piccolo, why are there these weird green smudges
around my ass?
Gohan was originally the name of Goku's adoptive grandfather. Gohan was killed when Goku looked up at the moon and went Giant Monkey, and crushed him. And you know what? I love the way that Goku is perpetually happy eve though he killed the first person who truly loved him. It's just like that time I shot my dad and then had ice cream.
Gohan the Younger made his first appearance of Dragon Ball Z, where it was exposed that not only do aliens from thousands of light-years away from planets with ten times the gravity look just like humans, it was also revealed that they could have babies with them too. Gohan is Goku's son, which must be a perpetual cross to bear. It's gotta be like being the son of the janitor in elementary school.
Gohan,
like his father, is a fuck-up, but it's more acceptable because he's
a little kid for the most part. But its not completely acceptable, nono.
Who didn't fire at Nappa? Gohan. Who let all of his friends get nearly
beaten to death? Gohan. Who let Cell get twice as powerful? Gohan. Who
bitches and whines before every fucking fight? Gohan. I don't blame
the guy about Nappa, he looks like Jesse Ventura, and Jesse Ventura's
scarier than walking into a gay bar by mistake.
Gohan has always had massive untapped hidden power, but he always only brings it out when he's angry. And they all want him to harness it. Piccolo dragged him into the wilderness to train him for the coming of the Saiyans, and nobody had a problem with it despite the fact that roughly 20 minutes ago Piccolo was Hitler. Krillin fought with him on Planet Namek, facing the strongest beings in the universe, most of them mincing fags. To drive the nail home, Gohan's own father threw him in the Time Chamber, which was apparently too much for even the strongest warriors. These people are all fuckheads.
And to understand why, I'd like to tell to you about something called "anger." Anger, boys and girls, is the feeling you get when the monkeyrapers over at FUNimation make Vegeta say "Mondo cool." It's also what brings out Gohan's hidden, true power. And there's another thing about anger. It's also WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU'RE IN A MOTHERFUCKING FIGHT!
But nonetheless, in their constant struggle to make Gohan stronger, they've managed to inflict more collateral damage than Tim McVeigh does at a day care center. Do you know who blew up the fucking moon? It was Piccolo, stopping Gohan's Giant Monkey. Do you know who nearly got everyone killed? It was Goku, not wanting to fight Cell on his own. It just goes on and on.
I honestly don't understand these people's reasoning. Gohan can't even lose per se, (per se is Latin, meaning, "Unless that fucking dipshit Goku is the main character.") so why don't they bother to make him stronger all the time? I bet it's just because they feel guilty about throwing a prepube against the evilest forces of natures.
And
that's another damn thing. Yes, Gohan is strong, but that's not an
excuse for putting him up single-handedly against people like Nappa,
Rikum, and Frieza, people so moronic and evil they are probably fans
of the World Wrestling Federation, not to mention the unstoppable
warrior Cell, no less after you gave Cell a fucking senzu bean, Goku,
you ass. Sorry about the run on sentences, but I hate Goku. Not in
the way I hate, for example, Charles Manson, but more often.
So, before the Cell Game, Gohan went into the Room of Spirit and time, for one year, when he was 11 years old, which took only one Earth day. This sounds impressive in and of itself, but even more so when you realize that 11 years old is about the height of your masturbation schedule, roughly 3 times daily if he's a normal boy. Which means Gohan technically spanked it roughly 1100 times in one day. No wonder he couldn't get a girlfriend for so long. Think about that, ladies. You'd be going at it with him, and he'd orgasm while orgasming. I mean, once when I was 12, I got it off 19 times in one day, but that's nothing compared to Gohan here. He makes Larry Flynt look like the motherfucking Pope.
But anyway, after being not being able to defeat Cell, Goku threw his son against the evil android monster. But that's not all, no no. Before he sent his own son, his flesh and blood, and the future of both the human and Saiyan races, he...well, he threw cell a senzu bean. Ha ha! Goku, you so crazy! This would be funnier if it wasn't true. At that point, I'd be like "Fuck you, dad, take care of him yourself." But not Gohan. Gohan just walked into it, despite the fact he must have known his father is a fucking idiot, but he did reach SS2.
So,
after letting his power go to his head, Gohan inadvertently got
his father killed, but nearly for good this time, instantly making
him one of my favorites. Unfortunately, he did kill Cell, which
fucking pissed me off.
What I hate about Gohan's character is that he didn't have to put up with his mother's fucking bullshit, but did anyway. You know what I would do with that kind of power when I was a young teenager? I'd be like, "Yo, ma, I'm leaving to conquer Western Europe, Make me a good dinner and I'll give you France, bitch." And don't write me all offended and prissy, because so would you, or you are frankly a pussy. But I don't blame ChiChi. Considering the genes he comes from, it should take a good dozen years of private tutoring to keep him from drinking stuff that comes out of his body.
When we next saw Gohan, he was in high school, and he had become a total fucking idiot, like his father. but at least he had a reason. He was starting a new school, and during this time, he also became a superhero by the name of the Great Saiyaman, in which he at least admitted his retardation. There he met Videl, who was actually pretty cute, by which I mean I would like to fuck her. He revealed that he has like, absolutely no girl skills. We're talking like fucking El Guapo level here. Like when Gohan suggests that Videl cut her hair, and he says "So you like short hair, on girls Gohan?" and she kind of blushes. And he says something to the effect of "I only meant that it wouldn't get in your eyes..." And then she flies off the handle.
So...he's gay. Wow...that really clears things up, huh?
Favorite
Line:
"I don't see any trees..."
This is a great line not just because it was pointless, but because you can attach it to every aspect of your personal life. Like when your girlfriend dumps you, you can say "I don't see any trees..." or when your dog dies, you can say "I don't see any trees... or when the cops lead you to your house and your mother has been brutally skull-fucked to death, you can say "I don't see any trees..." It kicks ass!