Krillin

You want to know how fucking lame Krillin is? he’s the only member of Dragon Ball Z that gets made fun of by the other characters. No matter if they’re completely imbalanced, like Vegeta, or ram asses, like Kami, or are completely braindead, like Goku, they at lest get treated with a modicum of respect. Not Krillin. Krillin is constantly being insulted by the other characters by being called "baldy-boy," "star-face", or "ass-spelunker." Well, maybe I made the middle one up, but the important thing is to remember that he doesn’t really deserve any of this, at least except from me.

According to El Guapo, Krillin isn’t naturally bald, he shaves his head. Where he can get a razor for a head that pointy is a mystery: but here’s a bigger one: During the battle on Namek, when did he have time to shave it? Huh? Did he run off when Piccolo was getting beaten to fruit himself up a bit? Yes, because he’s always trying to be like Goku.

The reason why he shaves his head is simple: he’s a Buddhist monk. Wow, that’s scary, huh? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been beaten up by Buddhists, they have to be the baddest fuckjobs in the world, man. One time, I saw a Buddhist beat the shit out of like 14 bikers, and then pulled out a shotgun and said, "It is being the time for your asses to be dying now, fuckers of mother," and blasted that sumbitch up. It was insane.

Seriously, though, Krillin, how the hell can you call yourself a Buddhist? Buddhists bug you at airports with pictures of Sacred Cows, Emus, and Lobsters, or whatever the hell it is they worship. I’m obviously not an exepert on the subject, but I’m pretty sure there’s nothing in that religion about flying around and shooting plasma at beings from outer space. Or hanging out with little boys with bad haircuts. Or humping androids.

No, I take all that shit back. Fuck me. Krillin has spent like 30 years with Goku. Do you know how bad that would fuck you up in the head? Krillin has to have Godlike patience after seeing Goku stuff cleverly Americanized food into his herpes-infected piehole for two decades. And then when you factor in the old pussy Gohan, the unbalanced prissy Vegeta and Piccolo, Kami and Popo’s creepy love affairs, Roshi, Korrin, Oolong, and Yajirobe’s constant horniness, Chi-Chi’s bitchery, and Bulma’s constant sluttiness, Krillin has to be a fucking saint. He’s not a fruit, he just hangs out in the bushel.

So the only possible reason Krillin is bald is because of the old saying "Bald Men Are Virile." Holy shit, is that ever true. Sure, we all know that the Saiyans can fuck earth women with absolutely no birth defects despite the fact that they must have like 30,000 more chromosomes. But that’s nothing compared to Krillin. Krillin fucked an android, and got a kid. Do you know what kind of hyper-powerful nega-verse fucked-up technorganic sperm that kind of shit has to require?

Putting aside the fact that Android 18 is really really fucking hot, a normal person would not be able to do that. But to Krillin, it’s not a big deal. To him, it’s like the time he fucked the blow-up doll, except this one talks is a bit of a bitch, and has a cunt made of iron. Uh, dude? Yeah, I think you got the bad end of that trade. And because of this constant Johnny 5-esque fucking, Krillin has a daughter, and names her "Marron." Marron is the name of slutty, airheaded ex-girlfirend. I can’t believe Android 18 let him get away with that shit. Krillin, I know you’re the world’s strongest human, but Android 18 could wrap your dick around your head and pull it through your ears. You don’t want to piss her off.

During the Buu saga, the saga in which pretty much every non-Saiyan character got a vasectomy via weed whacker, Krilllin grew his hair out. No one knows exactly why he did this, perhaps one night 18 was going to go down on him for the first time and said "Wow...you really ARE hairless." But despite being the world’s strongest human, he’s barely strong enough to make the bed without getting beaten nearly to death. But that doesn’t stop him. It just makes him badder. I take back that shit about him being lame. You see, remember I say that to even hang around the Cell Game, Mr. Satan had to have some titanium balls? Well, that's nothing compared to Krillin. Krillin actually fights guys like Cell, even though he has about as much a chance of winning as if you covered Bulma in gasoline and sent her up aainst the Human Torch. Krillin is bad. Krillin would kick your ass, so you better not make fun of him. Unless you were born with one nut.