Raditz

Squeeze him! SQUEEZE HIMMM!!!

Raditz was one of only 3 Saiyans, (no, I don't count that fag Goku-clone from Tree of Might or Brolli) that Frieza intentionally left alive. Frieza may be a retard, but even he knew that guys like Raditz and Nappa posed absolutely no threat except if their asses stopped tasting like honey.

It is a fun yet pointless fact that, with the exception of Bardock, all Saiyan names have vegetable names. Raditz was a derivative of "Radish", and Kakarott is "carrot," for example. I'm just sad we didn't get to learn more about the Saiyans before they died, because there had to be one named "Anolly-Pleezing Quecumber".

You want to know how bad Raditz is? Just look at that hair. He's a badass mofo. Bardock would always yell at him, "Cut your hair, you goddamn hippie!" But Raditz didn't listen. That's how bad he was. Also, as the unfunny nerd bitch-ass "humor" sites out there insist on pointing out at every occasion, including gangbangs, if he had ever had the opportunity to go Super Saiyan 3, think about how long his hair would be. Ha ha! He'd probably be turned into the comedy relief of the series, making hilarious jokes before being captured by Space-Frenchmen, killed for his pelt, mutilated, and left out in the sun to rot.

So anyway, Raditz hung out with Nappa and Vegeta for a while until heading off to Earth to figure out why Kakarott hadn't killed everybody off to make a nice resort hotel. His shocking discovery: Kakarott was a fucking mouth-breather. His own brother. Made depressed by this by this, he captured Gohan and left Goku a day to kill some folks, not realizing that if he wanted Goku to kill, he should have just said "I DON'T want you to kill all your loved ones." They'd be dead within minutes. And then, Goku would say, "Even though I despise violence, I have NOT complied with your wishes by killing all my family. Violence is wrong! Drink your milk, kids, and paint chips are a good source of lead! Here, have a Senzu bean." This would go on for hours, until Raditz got tired and ran off.

So the stage was set: Gohan was in Raditz's spaceship, and Piccolo and Goku were getting ready to attack, despite the fact that he was twice as strong as the two of them put together. Still, he managed to fuck even that up, and soon was grabbed by the tail, a Saiyan's weak point. And that in itself is a week bit questionable. "A weak spot that renders you powerless if grabbed?" Sounds like Goku was grabbing his brother's ballsack. Even so, using tricky manipulation of words the height of which not seen since the International Inbred Debates, Raditz convinced Goku to let him go. But even this was a bit too much logic. Raditz just could have said, "Kakarott, unless you let me go right now, all the bunnies in the world will be turned into salt!" "Oh no! Me like bunny!" (Releases) So Goku stopped being a dipshit and grabbed Raditz and allowed Piccolo to blast right through the two of them, thus making his first fuck-up that helped him. No one knows exactly what happened to Raditz afterward. But I like to think he went on to King Kai's planet, only to be sodomized by the chimp and booted into Hell.

WHERE IS HE NOW:
Currently being sexually molested by the demonic puppet minions of Jim Henson