Dear Irina
Part 3

Stardate 4407.3

Dear Irina,

I know that it's been quite a while since you have heard from me. I am sorry, but these have been an unbelievable two months. I'll write you more about some of it in my next message, but I need to tell you something else now. I hope that this reaches you. I haven't received any messages from you either, so I am sending this to your old address. Perhaps your mother can forward it to you if you are no longer there.

I want you to hear this from me. I have terrible news. Matt Hendorf is dead. I am sorry to be so blunt, but I can't think of any other way to tell you. He died in the line of duty, five days ago. I was there when it happened. At least he had a friend with him when he died. I think that when my time comes, it would mean something to me to know that I was with friends.

I am not religious, as you know, but I remembered that Matt was, so I said a prayer in Russian that I my mother used to say when I was a child. I hope his soul finds its rest so far from home. I only wish that I could have done something to prevent his death. But I couldn't. No one could. It was just a terrible accident.

The Enterprise was charting a newly opened area of space when we encountered what looked like a perfect Class M planet. At first we thought that it was uninhabited, but then our scans showed a primitive culture existed on the planet. We would have broken orbit and left the planet and its culture undisturbed, but Starfleet ordered us to investigate an unexplained energy source that Mr. Spock had detected. And so the captain formed a landing party, and we beamed all down to paradise.

The planet, called Gamma Trianguli IV, looked so peaceful and beautiful that the captain said it reminded him of the Garden of Eden. I thought of you. It seems that we are all looking for our Garden of Eden. Sometimes we even find it for a moment, but always it seems there is a serpent in the garden. You used to say that I was so Russian, such a pessimist. You said that I always found the cloud around every silver lining. But, Irina, it is the universe that is Russian.

In any case, for Matt, the serpent in this garden was a harmless looking plant that released some sort of poisoned thorn. Some of those thorns hit Matt in the chest, and he was dead before he hit the ground. Irina, at least he didn't suffer. Not like those of us he left behind. All of the landing party was very shaken by Matt's death. It was so sudden. So completely unexpected. It's one thing to go into battle and find death, but a walk on a beautiful planet...

I was completely stunned by Matt's death. Remember when we would sit around the commons at the Academy dreaming about our futures? Matt always said that he wanted to see new worlds, to be the first to set foot on new planets. That's why he chose security, so he could be there first. It all seemed so innocent back then. You wanted to do the pure science, the research work that could help discover cures for hunger and disease. I wanted to work out the puzzle of space, to find pathways through the stars. And Matt, all Matt wanted was to get there before anyone else. He got his wish. He is the first in our class to die. Suddenly Irina, this all seems so real.

Captain Kirk took Matt's death very personally. He blamed himself for being careless, but there was no warning that the plant was poisonous. It has always seemed to me that it is wise to assume that every apple that seems so sweet inevitably has a worm lurking inside. What is that old Russian saying about not starting to eat until you check for flies in the kasha? I can't remember exactly. But, in this case we all thought that this kasha was safe to eat.

I didn't tell the captain that Matt had been my friend. I didn't want him to feel worse than he already did. But Irina, he knew. Captain Kirk makes it his business to know everyone on his ship. You never feel that you are just a body doing a job on the Enterprise. Right after Matt died, while we were still in the midst of our mission, the captain called me aside and spoke to me privately. He talked about how hard it was to loose a friend. He said that one of his best friends had been killed shortly after he assumed command, and that he still thought of him every day. Captain Kirk told me that when he thought of his friend it was his way of keeping him alive. He said that you weren't really gone if there was someone left to remember you. That is why I wanted to be the one to tell you about Matt. Together, we can remember him, and that way a part of him will still be alive. Maybe too, that's why it seems so terribly important to me to form friendships with my crewmates. I had never really thought about that until now.

I offered to write Matt's parents when we got back to the ship. I thought that I could spare the captain that job. Irina, he is a remarkable man. He put his hand on my shoulder, and said that that was one job the captain must never delegate. Matt's parents deserved to hear how their son died from the one who was responsible. Irina, he wasn't responsible. I tried to say that, but he just looked really sad and turned away.

The rest of the mission didn't go any better either. Mr. Spock was nearly killed by those poisoned plants. He actually stepped in front of some thorns that would have killed Captain Kirk. Luckily, his Vulcan chemistry was different enough that the poison wasn't fatal. I wonder how he could have known that? The plant certainly would have killed the captain. We lost two more security men, one from some sort of exploding rock, and another was killed by that energy source that got us into this mess in the first place. Some Garden of Eden!

The captain ended up having to destroy the energy source on the planet. He intentionally violated General Order 1, but he really had no choice. The energy source was draining the Enterprise, forcing it into the planet's atmosphere. The only way to break the ship free was to stop the force that held her. The problem was that the energy source functioned as a kind of a god to the primitive culture on the planet. They called it Vaal and worshipped it. In return for offerings that fed the energy source, Vaal provided food and shelter and completely controlled the native's lives. We had to shut down the energy before the Enterprise burned up in the atmosphere, but the ship's survival meant the end of a civilization. It was a terrible choice to have to make. I'm glad it wasn't my decision, and I'm really glad that I'm not the one who will have to explain the Starfleet why we changed a whole way of life forever.

What a disaster. I think that I don't ever want to be in a position to have to make those kinds of hard decisions. I also don't want to feel like the captain, who sees himself responsible for the lives of all his crew. Even in situations that are beyond his control.

I will send a message to Matt's parents. I hope that it will be some small comfort. What a terrible loss. I miss him every day and I try to think about him often. That way, like the captain said, he won't really be gone. I hope you will have a chance to write Matt's parents, too. It might help them to hear from his friends.

I haven't asked you about yourself. How is your work going? Are you still pursuing your research with Dr. Sevrin? I miss you Irina. I don't think that I want to leave the Enterprise anymore, but I wish somehow that we could be together.

Please write me and tell me how you are. And, Irina, I am sorry to be the one to bring such bad news.

Love,
Pavel


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