CAREGIVER

For More On "What Caregivers Need To Know"...Scroll down this page to page # II.

" CAREGIVER STRESS "...TEN (10) WARNING SIGNS

Denial About the disease and it's effect on the person who has been diagnosed...I know he/she is going toget better

Anger At the person with Alzheimer's or others...That no effective treatments or cures presently exist.That people do not understand what's going on. If I'm asked that question time,one more I'll scream !!

Social Withdrawal From friends and activities that once brought pleasure. I don't care about getting togetherwith the neighbors anymore

Anxiety About facing another day and what the future holds. What happens when he/she needs more carethat I/We can provide?

Depression  Begins to break your spirit and affects your ability to cope I don't care anymore

Exhaustion  Makes it " nearly " impossible to complete necessary daily tasks I'm too tired for this

Sleeplessness Caused by a never ending list of concerns. What if she/he wonders out of thehouse and falls and gets hurt

Irritability Leads to moodiness and triggers negatieve responses and reactions Leave MeAlone!!

Lack of Concentration Makes it difficult to perform familar taks. I was so busy, I forgot we hadan appoitment

Health Problems Begin to take their toll, both mentally and physically. I can't rememberthe last time I felt good.

Ways to Reduce Caregiver Stress

• (*) Prepare yourself for the unknown...Document (if you are careing for just one person)... what transpires on daily basis. Information will provide you with data that will allow you to plan each day.
• Know what resources are available in your community.
• Become educated about Alzheimer's/Parkinson's disease and caregiving techniques.
• Get help from family, friends and community resources.
• Take care of yourself by watching your diet,exercising and getting plenty of rest.
• Manage your level of stress by consulting a physician and using relaxationtechniques.
• Accept changes as they occur.
• Engage in legal and financial planning.
• Be realistic about what you can do.
• Give yourself credit for what you have accomplished; don't feel guilty if you lose patience or can't doeverything on your own.

Above copied from Alzheimer brochure. No copyright restrictions noted...alzheimer's Association@ 1.800.272.3900 .alz.org

Guide to Long term Care Latest News...The Cost of Long term Care...AARP Site

How much do age 45+ Americans really know about long-term care costs and how to pay for them? Not as much as they think they do according to a newly released AARP study. And much of what they think they know frequently turns out to be inaccurate.

Of people surveyed:

Six out of 10 including those who said they are very familiar with long term care wrongly believe that Medicare pays for a nursing home stay of longer than three months.
Five out of 10 including those who said they are very familiar with long term care wrongly believe that Medicare covers assisted living.

Across the States

The seventh edition of "Across the States" provides powerful state information and insights about the range of long term care services, need and financing. Check out your state. For more on this subject accesswww.aarp.org/families/caregiving/guide_to _longterm_care.

CAREGIVERS: Check daily for these dangers

AGING FRIENDS

Or family members who are in wheelchairs or bed ridden can present stressful challenges to caregivers.
One example:

Bedsores.

A bedsore (technically a "pressure sore") occurs when constant pressure on skin pinches the blood supply, causing tissue to break down and become an open sore. If left untreated, bedsores can cause damage to muscle and bone.

Untreated gaping wounds also can lead to life threatening infections.

Whether you care for a loved one or have professional help, following these bedsore guidelines is crucial.

TO BYPASS BEDSORES:

Inspect. Bony areas of the body that contact the bed or chair are at highest risk and need to be checked daily for irritation.

For a person lying in a bed, watch the backs of the head, shoulders, hips and heels.
For those in wheelchairs, pay particular attention to the buttocks.

Moisturize:   Dry, cracking skin is ripe for pressure sores. Use moisturizing lotions or moisture retaining patches on clean skin to reduce risk.

Move frequently: Help the person change positions several times a day, because this will let blood flow to the skin, reducing bedsore risk.

But be careful not to "slide" a person as you try to move him/her(*): The irritation to the skin can create a problem, too.

Provide a solid surface Special bed and chair cushions, available at medical supply outlets,distribute weight more evenly.
Avoid doughnut shaped pads, unless a physician directs you to use them.

Seek help quickly.  If you notice a bedsore that is getting larger or redder or is oozing, call the doctor.

TEDD MITCHELL, M.D., is president and medical Director of Dallas' Cooper Clinic.
©USA WEEKEND. June 30-July 2, 2006
Highlights &(*)  added by page author

For more on Care Giving,visit the Alzheimer link

What Caregivers Need To Know II

By Claire Berman...Published: October 9, 2005

Five and a half years ago,while visiting her daughter, Debra Goben, in Cable, Ill.—Jeanette Fitzpatrick suffered a heart attack. To return home to Coos Bay, Ore., seemed out of the question, and so the older woman stayed on for good, growing older and frailer and far more in need of her daughter’s care.

“Mom wouldn’t do anything or go anywhere,” says Debra, “and we live way out in the country. I didn’t have the time or energy to take her into town.”

Debra, 51, was then a single mom (she remarried this year), working full time as an electrician and caring for her youngest child, Mason, now 12, who is challenged by autism and obsessive compulsive behaviors.

“I was trying to deal with my son’s school and my mother’s health and doctor’s appointments and my work,” says Debra. “On good days, I would get home at 7 p.m., make dinner, help with homework, then settle everybody in for the night. I had periods of crying, not knowing what to do or where to turn. I felt that I was standing on one foot, spinning in circles. I desperately needed help.”

According to a 2004 study conducted by the National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC) and the AARP, 44.4 million Americans are caring for ailing adult family members.

More than sixty (60) percent of those caregivers are women ,often, like Debra, members of “the sandwich generation,” pulled on the one hand by the demands of aging parents and on the other by the needs of dependent children.

More than 26 million caregivers work, and the majority of female family caregivers are working women, often with children under 18.

But, in addition to those juggling job demands with filial obligations, caregivers include young women and men enlisted to assist a parent or grandparent, retired wives and husbands caring for spouses, and single adult children themselves facing the assaults of the aging process.

It Takes a Toll

People who make extraordinary commitments to care for a parent or spouse often do so at the expense of self care. And when that happens, nobody benefits. Psychologist Richard Schulz of the University of Pittsburgh Medical School has studied the emotional and physical toll on those who provide care. He found high levels of clinical depression, anxiety and increased mortality.

“The danger, of course, when you are overburdened, stressed and perhaps depressed as a consequence of caregiving is that you could become the second patient,” notes Dr. Robert Butler, professor of geriatrics at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York and president of the International Longevity Center. This possibility was dramatically brought home to Barbara Thomas, 63, of Vienna, Va., when her husband, Jim, collapsed at work on a Thursday afternoon in 2000 and was found to have a terminal brain cancer.

“By Thursday night,” recalls Barbara, “my whole life had changed.” She strove to learn as much as she could as quickly as she could about the disease.

Like many caregivers, she felt bombarded by information. “You need to take time to digest it, to understand procedures in order to respond to doctors’ questions, to manage the ups and downs,” she says.

“At times, you tell yourself, "OK," I’ve got control. I can handle this." Then, when problems recur, you think, ‘Now what?’” She found herself struggling against exhaustion.

One day a doctor turned to me and said, "You have got to stop. I promise you that you’re going to be in the next bed soon, and I promise you further that you might be the first to go."

“Now, that’s a statement that gets through to you,” adds Barbara. I knew that I had to sleep. So the first thing I did to care for myself was to bring in somebody from 11 p.m. till 6 a.m. It was costly, Jim and I had saved all our lives for our retirement, but the money was needed now. I told myself, "Do it."

“In caring for others, are caregivers neglecting the most basic self-care?” asks NAC President Gail Hunt. “Are they getting their flu shots? Are they getting their mammograms? Are they getting their Pap tests? Or are they saying, ‘I don’t have time for that because I’m so immersed in caregiving’?

The message has got to be: If you want to do this kind of caregiving, you need to be sure you get the most basic preventive health care for yourself.”

The following can help you cope physically and psychologically:

Learn about the illness.Information is one of the most important coping tools you can have. Knowledge makes you feel less helpless. “Get as much accurate information as you can from an accurate source,” says Kathleen O’Brien, a senior vice president at the Alzheimer’s Association in Chicago.

She notes, for example, that her association offers support and information to families across the country, day or night, in 140 languages. Major organizations concerned with other illnesses offer similar direction and support.

Ask for help, and be specific. “You cannot do this yourself,” says Marilyn Woelke, a caregiver counselor at Alternatives for the Older Adult in Moline, Ill. “If there is one thing I say to caregivers, it is: "Ask for help.” Kathleen O’Brien adds: “Very offhandedly, people will say, "Let me know if there is anything I can do." It’s important to take them up on offers they make and say, "You know, it would be a great help if you would…”

Maintain contact with friends. “Caregivers have a tendency to become isolated,” says O’Brien. Sometimes, it’s because they sense that people are uncomfortable being around the sick person and the affected family.

Friends don’t know what to say or how to act, and so they stay away. Help them and yourself by reaching out. Lunch takes too long? Make a coffee date. Use the phone or e-mail to stay in touch. You’ll find that people can be supportive, if you let them in.

Seek assistance within your community. In addition to identifying helpful people, caregivers should seek out organizations that provide a wide range of useful services, such as home delivered meals, transportation for someone who is no longer able to drive, adult day support programs, legal assistance and home health services.

Eldercare Locator (1-800-677-1116 or www.eldercare.gov a nationwide public service of the U.S. Administration on the Aging, can provide you with names of programs in your area.

Keep the focus clear. There’s a fine line between dedication and martyrdom, between selflessness and self preservation, when it comes to caregiving. For each of us, that line falls in a differentplace. Some people are able to provide round-the-clock care. Others can not and must make the effort to find the people, places and programs that can help.

“Locating the right agency was the start of finding some sanity in my situation,” says Debra Goben. “I made at least 20 phone calls. At the last, when told I would be referred to yet another agency, I said, No, you can’t! I need someone to help me now!. The social worker could hear the desperation in my voice. Mom now attends a day center twice a week. It’s wonderful. She does crafts, has lunch. We get that time away from each other. It’s important for both of us.”

Find support in a group. Seven years ago, Margaret West, now 77, put toast in the microwave and set her house on fire. That led her daughter, Shirley Kimball-Thorne, 49, to quit her job as director of operations for a restaurant company and bring her widowed mother, who suffers from Alzheimer’s, into her home in Tilton, N.H.

“I'd get everybody off in the morning,” Shirley says, “and then I’d get Mom washed. I’d put a clean nightgown on her and put one on myself. We’d sit in the living room, we’d lunch, we’d watch TV. We acted like two sisters in a retirement home. I put on 40 pounds; so did my mother. Mom’s doctor became my doctor. I felt that I was having heart palpitations. He asked me what my day was like. I told him, and he put me on an antidepressant. That has helped.”

Joining a support group also has helped. “You can only turn to your spouse so much,” says Kimball-Thorne. “Going to the group, I’m able to share some of the things that happen with Mom, some of the anger I feel from time to time.” Her voice trails off. “The loneliness scares you,” she adds. “In the group, you feel you are not alone.”

Enjoy life outside of the caretaker role. Everyone says, "Take care of yourself". Take time off. Go for a walk. Keep up with your hobbies,’” says NAC President Gail Hunt. “Caregivers sometimes resent that facile (*)easy/ suggestion.” Facile it may be, but the benefits of self care are incalculable. Find a walking group, take up painting, go to a movie (preferably a funny one). These things are not frills but necessities. I know this from experience. When caring for my own mother, who had Alzheimer’s, I signed up for weekly swimming lessons and returned refreshed to my caregiving duties.

Appreciate the good moments. The stresses of caregiving, its demands and seeming relentlessness, often obscure its opportunities to express loving thoughts, sometimes to resolve thorny relationships, to find memorable moments. “Sometimes, I’ll be driving my mother to a doctor’s appointment,” says Shirley Kimball-Thorne, “and I’ll play a tape. ‘Amazing Grace’ comes on, and Mom lights up and starts singing along. Then I think, ‘OK, this is why I’m doing this.’ At such moments, I feel great.”

How Do I Deal With My Feelings?

Studies show that many people are better able to cope with the practical challenges of caregiving than with the emotional issues. Among those issues:
“I feel guilty.”  Guilt is the most pervasive emotion of the caregiver as much for the adult child who lives with a housebound parent as for the one who tries to manage things from a home across the country. We all feel we should be doing more, acting more loving, being more tolerant.

“I feel angry.”  There is anger that a loved one should be so ill and needy, and resentment that our own lives have been turned around or that other family members aren’t pitching in. A conversation among siblings might solve the problem, but the angry caregiver thinks: “I shouldn’t have to tell them, can’t they see I’m exhausted?”
“I’m afraid.”  We fear the progress of the disease and the difficulties yet to come. Often, we fear that we may not be up to the tasks required of us.
“I miss him.”  It’s heart wrenching to accept the waning powers of a loved one who now requires assistance just to make it safely through a day. We mourn the loss of the person we once knew.

These feelings are normal. The key is to acknowledge them and recognize that they are universal. Most important, don’t feel ashamed of your emotions. It might help to discuss them with a trusted friend.

Claire Berman is the author of “Caring for Yourself While Caring for Your Aging Parents: How To Help, How To Survive.” The third edition will be out in January from Owl Books

Since You Care®

A series of guides which provide practical suggestions and useful tools on a variety of specific care related subjects.
The guides are prepared by the MetLife Mature Market Institute in cooperation with the National Alliance for Caregiving and MetLife's Nurse Care Managers.Site lists many subjects that the Caregiver will find of interest.

Or:
Write To: The Mature Market Institute...57 Greens Farms Road...Westport, Conn. (CT) 06880...203-221-6580...(203)454-5339 Fax

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