Building Suspense withWorrisome Narrative Phrases
I like to read and write about collecting. Everyone should be writing stories and submitting them to their poor club newsletter editor, who is at this moment tearing his or her hair out, looking for material to publish. Perhaps you feel you can't write well enough to share with others. This is no longer an excuse since I will be offering tutorials in writing mineral related stuff.
Not every field trip goes well. Perilous circumstances may complicate any phase of a trip, including the driving, the collecting, the wrapping, and the escape/departure. Field trip accounts should reflect this sad truth. Sometimes, the gist of an impending disaster can be conveyed by choice expressions that will alert the squeamish reader to “leave now if you are faint of heart!” In this writing clinic, the following are examples that will make the reader sit up and say, “Oh-oh…”
“…Soon, I regained consciousness…”
“…To save weight, we left the water bottles in the car…”
“…Making bail was easy…”
“…The larger
moose
didn’t scare as easily…”“…He made humorous faces through the ice…”
“…There was no one around, but the big pocket sure wasn’t deserted…”
“…I raised my hammer and closed my
eyes…”“…The night vision goggles idea backfired when the cruiser’s lights appeared…”
“…They don’t call it ‘dead reckoning’ for nothing…”
“…We
tried to fend off the lightning with our pry bars…”“...‘Don't worry - hornets are more afraid of us than we are of them’... ”
“…Oddly, the backpack didn’t add to his buoyancy…”
“…‘There may be a few bats living in this shaft’…” “...I tried to point out the vultures to Jim, but I couldn't find him...”
“…Steering from the
back seat was harder than it looked…”“…There wasn’t enough Pepto-Bismol to go around…”
“…It wasn’t my fault that a Black Widow’s ‘hourglass’
was on its underside…” “…At first, it was more efficient to toss specimens down from the ledge…”
“…Evidently, Twinkie
preservatives didn’t work beneath a car seat…”“…‘You can’t dig too deep a hole,’ I used to say …”
“…As long as he kept the tree between him and the bull, he was safe…” (true event)
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