In His Dreams (Remix)
paxnirvana
Naruto: Kakairu, PG-13
Still no archive, please.
2/2/05
- - Post Chuunin exams and fallout of same - -
It all belongs to Kishimoto-sensei. I just adore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

In his dreams, the other looked at him with something other than amused tolerance.

In his dreams, the mask came off and that low, rich voice spoke to him with a touch of the rough affection that he sometimes heard when the other addressed his students.

In his dreams... so much was different.

But in reality, he was just a low-level pencil-pusher. An annoying irritant. A bother. He sighed heavily. Reality was cruel. ...And it would get even crueler if he was late for his turn in the mission room. He wasn't late yet, but just standing around brooding like this was a bad habit to get into. If any of his students caught him at it he'd never live it down. Gathering his determination with a small frown, he prepared to start on his way again.

"Ah... before you go, may I have a moment of your time, Iruka-sensei?"

He looked up in surprise to find Hatake Kakashi standing beside him on the path between the Academy and the mission house. It was almost as if his wayward thoughts had somehow summoned the other man. But Kakashi was simply watching him with that habitually bland look on his face. As if it didn't matter at all if Iruka gave him the requested moment of time or not. Not that he'd dare walk away from the jounin without at least an acknowledgement; Iruka swallowed a startled gulp and managed a short nod of assent.

"Of course, Kakashi-san," he said as calmly as he could.

Kakashi turned away from the path and led the way toward a small arbor between the buildings that had a planter box filled with ragged flowers beneath it. He walked there with his trademark slow, lazy shuffle. Nara Shikamaru had nothing on this genius jounin sensei for cultivation of a lackadaisical aura, Iruka noted ruefully. The plants in the box looked a little beaten down by the recent rain, flower heads hanging sadly, torn vines dangling limply, mud stains from overflow on the edge of the box. It needed tending. It also wasn’t the most encouraging spot to have a conversation, but Iruka followed him there anyway, arm clamped tight over the mission binders he carried at his side.

Kakashi stopped in the arbor's shade and stuck his hands into his pockets, his one-eyed gaze apparently fixing on the tattered peonies in front of him. Silence fell.

"Yes, Kakashi-san?" Iruka finally prompted when the silence stretched into minutes, the delay winding his nerves uncomfortably tight with anticipation and apprehension.

"Ah... yes." Kakashi glanced at him briefly, his gaze dropping almost instantly back to the bedraggled flowers. "Well, Iruka-sensei, I've wanted to speak with you for a while now about what you said to the kids at the funeral."

"Oh?" Iruka stiffened, fighting back a sudden attack of dismay. Odd, but he'd thought Kakashi in tune with him at that time for once. What could he want to discuss about that sad day now?

"About... living one's life for one's precious persons." Kakashi closed his eye for a moment and took a deep breath before releasing it on a slow sigh, the heavy sound made louder as it passed through the mask over his nose and mouth. Iruka watched him carefully, concern building. "I... don't have many of those left," Kakashi continued softly. "Actually, I'm not sure I have any left at all."

Iruka bowed his head slightly, nerves ringing, heart thumping loudly. "I – I'm very sorry to hear that, Kakashi-san," he whispered, overwhelmed by the candidness of the other's abrupt confession.

"Something tells me you don't have many precious to you left either." Panic ripped through him. The look that came his way then was unreadable. Or at least it seemed that way through the anxious haze that gripped him. He tried a smile, but felt it fail as Kakashi just continued to watch him, that steady gaze unblinking and intent. He had the uneasy feeling Kakashi was waiting for a specific reaction from him... but he didn't know what it could be.

"Eh... No. No I don't, Kakashi-san," he managed at last. "That's a hazard of life as a shinobi, isn't it? But we go on. I have my students – and they are precious to me now. Konohamaru... and all the others. And then there's always Naruto..." He flushed a little for the presumption of mentioning that connection to Naruto's current teacher. But Kakashi didn't react right away. He just continued to watch Iruka, his gaze utterly indecipherable.

"Yes," the jounin finally said, his voice low. "You found new precious people; Naruto and Konohamaru. And Sakura-chan... all the genin speak well of you." Kakashi lifted his head further, turned to face him more directly, until just that single-eyed gaze felt as if it was boring into him like the Sharingan might. "They all were heartened by what you said that day."

Iruka flushed brightly then and shifted on his feet, raising a hand to scratch nervously at the back of his head as he glanced away.

"Ah. Do you think so? That's good..."

He caught a flicker of motion from the corner of his eye. Jerked his head around to find Kakashi standing directly in front of him now, hands hanging lax at his sides instead of thrust into his pockets, an odd gleam in the one eye as the lazy aura fell completely away to reveal a startling intensity. "I do." Iruka could only watch, fascinated, as one of Kakashi's hands rose up toward his own face. Saw it tug the mask down until a grimly held but well-shaped mouth was revealed. Kakashi went on in a low, rough whisper. "It heartened me too... to find the Sandaime's words had meant so much to another. And to find someone able to go on... like you..."

Then there were lips against his, open and seeking and warm. His parted automatically in response, letting the tip of a tongue inside his mouth. The feel of it stroking there made him shiver.

His eyes had closed, he dimly realized, but couldn't find the will to pry them open again. The mouth moving against his was skilled but gentle. Cautious. Careful. As if the other were trying not to startle him. It looked like he'd have to teach the other that he wasn't nearly so fragile. But the tenderness still felt delightful. He let a low sound escape his throat – part moan, part sob – and leaned deeper into the caress. Still scarcely able to believe that one of the things he'd longed for most from the other man was actually happening.

Trembling faintly, he tilted his head to the side to give the other better access to the depths of his mouth even as he felt a half-gloved hand slide gently around the back of his neck. Holding him in place. He thought his heart might burst from the way it was pounding, making his breath come short, his ears ring.

And then it was over. Kakashi pulled back and Iruka's eyes drifted so very slowly open. The hand behind his neck had stayed there, warm and faintly heavy. A willing connection. A reaching out. Was this a dream? He looked into Kakashi's gaze, still dazed, staggered. It did seem like a dream.

"Can you show me how to live again, Iruka-sensei? Like you do." Some deep emotion flickered across that nearly unfamiliar face, so bare and exposed at last, and he drew a shuddering breath in response, throat tightening, eyes prickling. "Will you?" Kakashi asked again, his voice husky.

"I would be glad to, Kakashi-san," he replied quietly, still scarcely daring to believe that this was wasn't a dream. But the smile that turned up the corners of Kakashi's mouth more than made up for the nervous butterflies dancing in his stomach – or was that just what happiness felt like?

Either way, he was looking forward to finding out what it would be like to finally live his dreams.

-- end --