HEADLINES

Here are my attempts at topical humor. In each case, the headline is real, while the sub-headline is the product of my fevered imagination. My apologies in advance to any and all offended parties.


ASHCROFT TO HAVE GALL BLADDER SURGERY
Doctors: AG's Gall Level Won't Be Affected

(3/9/04 Associated Press)

BUSH ADMINISTRATION CONCERNED ABOUT GASOLINE PRICE
Should Be Much Higher, Oil Heir Says

(3/4/04 Reuters)

SCHWARZENEGGER WON'T CONDUCT OWN PROBE
"I'm Not That Kind Of Boy!" Governor Insists

(12/9/03 Associated Press)

DISNEY POWER STRUGGLE GROWS
Mickey Ousted in Proxy Vote; Goofy Ascendant

(10/28/03 Associated Press)

'PRICE IS RIGHT' ANNOUNCER ROD RODDY DIES
Come On Down! Satan Says

(10/28/03 Associated Press)

WATER WORKS SALE MIGHT BE NEAR
Reading Railroad, Baltic Avenue Also On Block

(10/28/03 Joliet Herald-News)

GIANT SEA SPECIMEN BAFFLES SCIENTISTS
In Other News, Dom Deluise Reported Missing

(7/2/03 MSNBC)

TROOP CALL-UPS LEAVE SHORTAGES AT HOME
Bush Heralds Dramatic Drop In Unemploymen
t
(1/30/03 USA Today)

BUSH ENLARGES CASE FOR WAR BY LINKING IRAQ WITH TERRORISTS
Connections to Hitler, Ivan The Terrible Still Being Developed

(1/30/03 New York Times)

STUDY SUGGESTS ORANGUTANS ARE CULTURED
Despite Overwhelming Tendency To Vote Republican

(1/3/03 Associated Press)

SUPREME COURT TO REVIEW WEB PORN CASE
And Review, And Review, And Review

(11/12/02 Chicago Tribune)

TWO DEAD IN OKLAHOMA SHOOTING SPREE
Networks "Disappointed" Shooter's Identity Already Known

(10/28/02 New York Times)

WALL STREET FUNK MAY LINGER
James Brown, George Clinton Gigs Extended

(10/7/02 Chicago Tribune)
 
 

Copyright 2003, P.J. Anderson
 

 

HOME