Distributing PAW Print
by Jeff Ackler
I had a paper route when I was a kid, you know.
It's what taught me that spiders don't really sleep overnight.
You know what they do? It's actually a global spider conspiracy.
You see, spiders all got together and decided that the paperboy was
the most powerful member of society because they mistakenly understand
the word paperboy to mean "God" for a couple of reasons.
First off, Paperboy sounds an awful lot like God in spider-tongue,
but also because the spiders see paperboys bringing the source of
information to the house.
So, spiders are attempting to capture these elusive paperboys
worldwide and overnight they build enormous webs right between the
shrubberies leading to the doorway.
This way, when the paperboy approaches, he unsuspectingly walks right
into the web.
Spiders have lost heart lately due to the digitizing of media and
papers relying less on the paperboy.
Shame, really, because they were so damn close to building a web that
could catch a God.
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