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The Sacred Holy Fighting Art Known as Tactical Flatulence
Copyright © 2007 by Zack Smith,
All rights reserved.

I have a brown belt in the great martial art TF. This is the only martial ever to arise out of Mexico. TF was developed by Jose-Pepe Maria-Lupa de Salinas, a burrito seller who operated a cart in Mexico City.

One day, when the local cops came around demanding their usual bribe, moments after a common street thieves had stolen almost all of Jose-Pepe's cash, he was driven almost to tears.

So distraught was he that all of a sudden he dropped his remaining coins on the ground and, while he was bending over trying to pick them up to give to the evil crooked Mexican cops, he let loose a real stinker.

By chance that day, the wind was acting strangely, and almost all of the massive sweet fart-gas went straight to the noses of the corrupt cops. It hit them like a ton of bricks. It sending them running away and choking and gasping for clean air. Arising from his position on the ground after the smell was gone, Jose-Pepe felt relieved in more ways than one. And, he was greatly bemused.

For on that day, Jose-Pepe realized he had a power. A power as powerful as a big-ass gun. He pledged to develop his flatulence into a fighting art, and so he did, creating Flatuencia Tactical (FT), or in our gringo-language English, tactical flatulence.

This is his art, he is the sensei of TF, and am a but one of his disciples. People who know I've learned the art of TF fear me, for I -- I can fling a fart. Whoa yeah.

I owe my learning to the great Jose-Pepe Maria-Lupa de Salinas. Sensei of TF. He guided me -- and now I guide my gases. And they will guide me to fighting glory!

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