Quinn's Quote Section
These zingers are all actual quotes spoken to or around me. I’ve used initials instead of names, but some of you can probably figure out who said this stuff. These all made me laugh enough to write them down......don’t ask me why.
Some of this is out of
context, but most often not. People are kooky like that.
“Somebody is gonna wanna want some mass-murderer sperm.” - T.K.
"Times that by 4, motherfucker....” - A.P.
“ ‘cause you just want to get it rolling, and then you want to roll.” - G.R.
"They don't call and complain anymore. You got them all fluffed.” - J.M.
“Why do I feel like I've suddenly been attacked by conjunctivitis?" - S.L.
“You know, when you don't have to be professional, then you can fuck around all you want.” - R.S.
“I'm sorry, Sean, I just shit the bed back here.” - G.B.
“How about a national day of sex? I could get behind that.” -J.K.
"It's always good to have a junkie around." - G.N.
"This is the coolest magazine I've ever seen..... other than porn." - M.U.
"Fuckstick." - G.B.
"I like it when they miss and they hit their groin right on the pole." - B.V., finding the jewel in horse-racing mishaps
"We've got to keep them abreast. Abreasting is our life." - L.L.
"Does anybody need this much creamer in their lives?" - B.F.
"There's a certain solace to pooping in the dark." - G.B.
"If I find a way to be gay, I'd go to prison." - Big J
"When you use that Hi-8 (camera), it puts a very large dick up your ass. By the time you're done your asshole is the same size as your hat." - T.H.
"You should have seen the girl I saw here last night. She was a real skank. She must have been a carney or something." - S.P.
"It's great when you've an ape mask on. You can get away with anything- no one is gonna bother you." - S.P.
"How can a guy be so healthy and be so dead?" - L.L.
"I have nightmares like I just ate Draino." - L.L., on eating Taco Bell before bed.
"Last night, I thought about hanging myself. And then I thought, this is America- you can buy guns here!" - S.P.
"Who let the dogs out? No, I
mean it, who let them out?
Do I have to go and look for them now? Why did they open the pen they were in?
What were they, fucking stupid?!?!?!" - P.O.
"You know I can be sensitive, so lick my ass." - B.E.
"Ah, you'll get used to the cock-sucking!" - A.P., on L.A. lifestyles
"You know how Dave is....He's like a delicate fawn - that needs to be kicked in the ass." - UHJ
"My friend, you have just found
God. Of course, I could have told you where God was all along,
but I don't think that you would have believed he was in Aldan, of all
places." - T.K.
"Someone is having the Lemon Diet Cock in my office....COKE...COKE.." - UHJ, typing badly
"But now and again, I invite the sorority sisters over and we have pillow fights in our PJ's." - S.L.
"It's ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag." - J.F.
"If you cocksuckers don't have anything nice to say than shut your fucking mouths." - E.S.
"We're in the breakdown lane of the Information Superhighway.....We're the Amish of the Information Superhighway." - A.C.
"fuck head man guy!" - P.O.
"It was where they get people to
get up on stage and do covers of their shit, and people talk about them.
If you squint you can almost see them jerking Aerosmith off in the show."
- P.O., describing the new MTV show "Icon"
"It's a shame she smokes....But it's not like I'm gonna kiss her on the lips after she blows me." - K, admiring a bar patron from afar
"There are people in the world
out there finding a cure for cancer.....
and our job is to make sure "Laverne and Shirley" looks good." -
J.S., putting a TV career in perspective
"That's the nice thing about
being an engineer. You can bust something up and then put it right back
together again."
- D.K., on taking your anger out at work
"She thinks I'm Buck Rogers. Silly girl. My ray gun lost its ray." - D.M.
"I mean, you could be a new God
to 10 year olds. 'Yeah Jimmy, that man is Sean.
He got 666 read on the school closing numbers. Perhaps therefore making a
profound remark
implying hell had finally frozen over. We could ask him, but will never know
for sure.'"
- P.O.
" Jesus... we're such funny
people... why wouldn't he want all of us around?
I mean... the fun goes up exponentially." - D.B.
"There are some days I wouldn't mind working in a prison setting." - M.S.
"I always did it for free before, I might as well get paid for it now." - K.G.
immediately followed by.....
"I've done more for less." - K.G.
"I want to live long enough to become a burden to society." - J.S.
"I'm a fan of the double stuff myself." - S.L.,....talking about Oreos.
"Nah, man, it is making the old
and cheesy, the new and cheesy.
Pop culture just belched up some old shit and it tasted weird, familiar and
almost enjoyable."
- P.O., on 80s dance remixes
"I'm watching footage of a sloth
in Costa Rica take a dump. Last night I saw footage of them
giving an asian elephant an enema... it was constipated."
- D.F., at his Hollywood job
"You miserable bastard. You'll call me if there's a fly on your ass, but you won't say a word if there's cake." - D.K.
"A word of advice: if you have to unclog the garbage disposal, don't do it naked!!!" - T.M.
"I thought she was a great looking slut back then, but now it's even better." - M.Q.
"I'm still bitter our wedding
happened on the [day of the] Philly taping of Mr. Show."
- D.B., lamenting conflicting schedules
"I wonder if I should put under
Special Skills: 'I can tell you how to get to Sesame Street'."
- UHJ, making up a resume to send to the Muppet people
"You know, 5 or 6 pounds, or 5 or 6 beers, and she would look just like Alyssa Milano!" - L.N.
"We have no room for the obvious here!" - a newscast director indirectly yelling at the talent
"David Hasselhoff pulled the instant-speed turbo boost, head-to-the-back-of-the-seat routine better than anyone." - S.D.
"Again, I think we all owe Peter
Jackson a blow job. I don't think he will collect,
nor do I really think I would perform it if the need were to.. err.. arise. But
we owe it to him." - P.O.
"The food is here....and we hate everyone." - UHJ
"Profit is a good way to make money." - P.O.
"It will hit you like a stale donut in the morning." - B.K.
"Sometimes I find myself looking
at things and specifically thinking:
'Sean Quinn will fucking hate this. It's in.'" - UHJ
"It's amazing how the universe continues to find new and intriguing ways to just fuck with me." - UHJ
"I guess when you are around a tranquilized Bengal [tiger], you can yell and scream." - C.E.
“But for real, when I come over with no pants on, you're going to put up a fight???” – M.D.
E-mail:quinntv@comcast.net