West Coast Jeff: Episode 5

"Fall Preview of Season 2!"; November 01, 2000

Hello, and welcome to the Fall Preview Edition of West Coast Jeff--Season 2!

Sorry you haven't heard from me in a while! The late start of Season 2 can officially be blamed on the Olympics, The Elections, and The Subway Sandwich Series (I'd like whole wheat bread, please. Thanks.) And you can confidently NOT blame my state of witlessnessity. Anyway, I've been compiling stories for your entertainment...none of which I will share with you this issue, since it is only a fall preview.

As We begin to embark on Season 2, The Producers of West Coast Jeff would like to thank you for sticking by Us in Our first season. Plagued by dozens of cast changes and some never-ending storylines, Season 1 was rocky at best. Season 2, set to begin with this e-mail, promises to be full of more semi-cohesive adventures...Including many sent in by you, faithful readers! You are all characters... your stories need to be told!

And, of course, all your favorite cast members are returning, including series regular Jerry(ER!) and Tony, The Wacky Neighbor. Mid-Summer replacement Goatee Greg stays on as new roommate "Goatee Greg," reprising his character from "U.H.Jeff: The College Years."

And more cast members from that popular era have signed on to join the WCJ team starting this season: The most promising addition is LoriStory!! Moving from NYC with her boyfriend Bill (Vlad), Lori brings her unique persona to West Coast Jeff, along with a new Volkswagon Beetle: Ringo Carr. That's right... Lori will be driving. So watch out!!

Hard Core fans will remember LoriStory as The Disaster who cracked everyone up by falling down man-holes and often winding up in vats of chocolate mousse. The Producers are looking forward to a nonstop chucklefest from her vast array of Emergency Room stories. (Many with special guests of their own--Like the irrepressible Larry, Darryl and Darryl!)

And we've got big plans for sweeps! This weekend brings Jeff's psychopath sister Donna to San Diego, where the hilarity will surely ensue. Rumors of a special appearance by Michael Porn have thus far gone unconfirmed.

The week after sees high school pal Jessica The Engaged, college friend Zanne (the one who ate butter) and her mom! And shortly thereafter...PIP will make her inaugural appearance on West Coast Jeff! (Trouble's a-brewin...you're likely to recall her as the one who got us kicked out of the gym for being in the men's locker room.) Also, DaveLip will be back for his first visit since his spinoff!

And February has plans of a High Council of Jeffyism 10-year Anniversary Reunion! (It's in print...it must be true)

Rumors of the Return of FatGayle are true...so you can look forward to seeing her.

So that's what you have to look forward to...all coming soon on West Coast Jeff! This is a short update--since it is only the Fall Preview. (Plus no one has heard from me in a while... this is an excuse to write.)

Coming up (VERY SOON) on the next edition of West Coast Jeff: Jerry(ER!) Runs himself over.... Bobbio Big Head is at it again..this time with a job interview, And--our first ever spy adventure! Special Agent Mannuh-Mannuh (doo-doo-do-do-do) attempts to infiltrate Kraft's manufacturing plant and uncover the secret behind Miracle Whip's Tangy Zip! Will he be successful? Or will he be lost forever in a batch of Lite Italian Dressing?! Tune in next time to find out!

Another first: The First Educational Filmstrip of West Coast Jeff: How To Pee in a Cup...a first-hand look at the many dangers of peeing poorly.

Plus, Halloween stories!! Send in your favorite costume ideas (ones you've seen...not necessarily what you dressed as) and maybe you, too, could be mentioned in an upcoming issue of West Coast Jeff!!!! WOW!! The notoriety will be endless!

Speaking of notoriety--two very special notes:

--Congratulations to MKF for tying the knot!! I guess the M stands for Married after all! Best of luck!

--And a big fat "WELL DONE!" to Mentos FAQ "Web Geek" Chad Jones for running (AND COMPLETING) the AIDS Marathon in Chicago in just over six hours!!

In closing...one of the most popular characters from East & West Coast Jeff continues to be Clinton Petty. Therefore, The West Coast Jeff Fall Preview is proud to be sponsored by

The New and Improved Clinton Petty Fan Club!

--By Clinton Petty

***

Join the New and Improved Clinton Petty Fan Club

Yes, that's right, the new and improved Clinton Petty Fan Club is here and ready for your consumption.

Already an all-time record seller in China, the new and improved Clinton Petty Fan Club is fantastic.

Rolling Stone calls the new and improved Clinton Petty Fan Club a must have in any trend setting household.

Better Homes and Gardens raves "if you're looking for that final splash of grace and elegance to finish off your dining room or foyer, the new and improved Clinton Petty Fan Club is the answer."

The New and Improved Clinton Petty Fan Club finishes the job the first time and gets you home before curfew.

By this time you must be asking yourself, "Is this one of those deals where it's the same old package in a brand new box?" Hell NO! The New and Improved Clinton Petty Fan club is comin at ya with a little bit of that brand new kick ass flava.

"What is in the new and improved Clinton Petty Fan Club?''

We're so glad that you've asked that. The new and improved Clinton Petty Fan Club features:

*The "Clinton Petty Fan Club, The new millennium" T-Shirt Available in S,M,L,XL and now XXL

*The "Clinton Petty, Fight The Mutha Fuckin Power" sweatshirt. It's bullet proof and insulated, perfect for those winter government building raids. Available in S,M,L,XL. The XXL will be available for delivery in February. (we apologize for the delay)

*A pair of Clinton Petty double twill, below the knee baggy basketball shorts. Now all the rage with today's inner city youth.

*A replica "Clinton Petty, the revolution is upon us" coffee mug, similar to the one you've actually seen Clinton drinking from.

That seems like fantastic deal so far, that almost alone is worth the suggested retail value, but we're not even close to finished yet.

You'll also receive at no extra cost:

*You're very own Clinton Petty authentic TY(tm) beanie baby.

*A recipe book featuring Clinton's favorite entrées and deserts.

*An athletic swimwear calendar featuring everyone's favorite sweet muscular ass.

*The new Clinton Petty tested and approved scent, guaranteed to drive your lover wild.

*And the latest collection in Clinton Petty home videos! Clinton Petty; counting cards in Las Vegas, Clinton Petty; on tour with Public Enemy, and Clinton Petty; I've never seen this girl before in my life.

Now you know why Puff Daddy calls the new and improved Clinton Petty Fan Club "the bitch slappin joint of the new millennium."

Now how much would you expect to pay, for this great deal? Without a doubt this package is worth in upwards of $200-$300. But you wont pay that here. You wont pay $100, in fact you wont pay $75.

One thing that isn't new about the new and improved Clinton Petty Fan Club is the same great low price.

That's right, the new and improved Clinton Petty Fan Club is still available for the same low price you've always paid for joy and contentment. Just $500 or payable in three easy installments of $200 plus $7.95 shipping and handling can bring this once in a lifetime deal to your home today.

Call, write, e-mail, drive, just do whatever you have to do to get yours, and hurry time is running out.

clinton@therevolution.20m.com

The Clinton Petty Fan Club is a registered trademark of Clinton Petty industries. Any imitation or re-duplication is strictly prohibited.

wcj

E-mail:ExecProducer@westcoastjeff.com