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     It was late September 2004 and the hurricanes were upon us here in Jacksonville, FL. Just weeks prior, our good friends and neighbor lost their child because of a miscarrage. Erin and I were uneasy because we were expecting and thought it would be difficult when our child would be born in February. I was working late Thursday night training employees and had stopped for a short break. While sitting in my office working to catch up on my e-mail the phone rang and it was Erin telling me that she thought her water had broken. Between the tears and sobs Erin explained to me that she had called my mom and she was going to take her down to the hospital. After hanging up one thing was apparent, I needed to get to the hospital and fast but I was on the other side of town. A few words were spoken to the manager on duty as I ran out of my building only to find a horrible rain storm already in progress outside. After making a wrong turn downtown it was my only focus to find the bridge which would take me out of town and towards the beach. My Mother-in-law called me just as I found the turn to head onto the bridge. At that point it was a toss up as to which of us was more upset but if a guess had to be made it could be called a tie. Our conversation was brief but it helped me keep my wits about me as many driving laws were being broken. After hanging up with my Mother-in-law, a called was placed to my sister so that she could start to pray for us during this time of need. My Sister Lisa proved to be the voice of calm and reason as I approached my turn for the hospital. At this time much of my trip from work to the hospital is a blur but I think I took the corner on only two wheels.

     Not being the best with directions, I was amazed that I found the hospital and the emergency room so quickly. My first sight was looking into my mom's eyes as my truck pulled into the parking space closest to the door. Just the look in her eyes told me that Erin was in need of me right away. Just as with any hospital emergency room, you hurry there just as fast as you can so that you can sit in the waiting room for an hour or two. Erin was taken to the back and I was allowed to accompany her. After sitting in the exam room for what seemed an eternity Erin had me to go out and tell my mom that she could go home and get some sleep. After walking my Mom out to her car, I called Erin's parents back to give them an update. Erin's Mom told me that they would be on their way to Florida Saturday morning. After entering the exam room I could feel it in my heart that something was wrong. Erin had tears streaming and the nurse walked out and did not speak a word. It seems that the fluid was amniotic and that the baby had little space in the sack. The emergency room doctor spoke of how the sack may not have leaked all the fluid and that the baby still had a chance to survive. We were moved to a room in the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital where we spent a long sleepless night. It was about 9 AM when Erin's OBGYN came in and told us the facts about what took place the night before. The doctor referred us to a highrisk medical group downtown. To my amazement we were told to go directly to their office when we left the hospital. My Mom rode with us as we made our way back into town for our next visit. On the way few words were spoken as we all knew just how serious the situation had become.

     We entered the office and the receptionist took our name and had us move to the waiting area. Only a few minutes had passed when Erin and I were taken back to an exam room which was kept dark and cold with sonogram equipment. This equipment was not like what was used at the regular OBGYN's office, they had examples of 3D images on the wall where you could see the baby's face. The nurse came in and performed a preliminary sonogram which showed that most of the fluid had leaked out but the baby was still alive. As the nurse left the room we both began to cry. Two or three minutes passed and a knock was heard at the door, as the doctor came in I was amazed. He was what seemed a good 6 inches taller than I and had the appearance of a giant. As strange as it was to me, he spoke of God and what a difficult decision we were faced with at this time. We had to make the decision if we were going to continue with the pregnancy or terminate it. Erin and I spoke a few words and made the decision that we were going to place it in God's hands. The trip home was long and just the idea of complete bed rest had Erin uneasy. As the doctor explained, the sack could seal itself and the fluid would slowly be replaced.

     Emily Grace Sturgill was stillborn September 28, 2004. She was 17 weeks premature and too small to survive. She was perfectly made in every way, just too tiny to make it in this world. It was very difficult to accept that this had happened to our family. While in the hospital we were given a box which contained a small gown, blanket, bonnet, and literature about the loss of a child. This box was provided by a group called Caleb Ministries who has a chapter in Jacksonville, FL. The nurses at the hospital did everything in their power to try and help us through this difficult time. Erin's parents and my mom were with us every step of the way. My loving sister Lisa and Brother-in-law Chad were not able to be with us but their thoughts and prayers were appreciated during such a low point in our lives. Sara, my Sister-in-law in MD called with words of encouragement when we were at our wits end. A true statement of friendship can be seen in Erin's friend Lisa who was with us during the days leading up to Emily's birth, and the days to follow.

     A few days after returning home we started reading literature on what we just went through. Erin and I decided to look at the Caleb Ministries website and read the story of Sandy Day. As difficult as it was to believe, others have gone through the same thing that we have. The loss of our daughter Emily made me question my life and why God would do something like this to me. After several months of torment I came to the understanding that God put me through such an event to equip me in helping others. As strange as that may sound I felt that I had to do something instead of just feeling sorry for myself all the time. That is when I decided to start my small site on the web, it may never be seen by others but it will let me tell of my hardship in life.

     Parents of stillborns are left with shattered hopes and dreams for the child they have been anticipating. Today in the U.S., 1 in every 8 babies will be born prematurely. Some of them won't survive, and others will have health problems that could last a lifetime.

Thank you for taking time to read our story.

Ron & Erin Sturgill