Q. What do you call some else's cheese
A. Nacho cheese

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.

Q. What do you call an Ethiopian taking a crap?
A. Show off!

Q. What did one tampon say to the other?
A. Nothing, they were both stuck up cunts.

Q. Why did the flasher decide not to retire?
A. He thought he would stick it out another year.

Q. Why don't cannabils eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny

Q. What do you get when you cross Lassie with a Pit Bull?
A. A dog that rips your arm off, then runs for help

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A. A mechanic!

Q. What's the leading cause of death among lesbians?
A. Hair balls.

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

Q. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A. Full.

Q. Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A. So he could run his fingers through his hair.

Q. What do elephants use for tampons?
A. Sheep.

Q. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
A. They're hiring.

Q. How do you get holy water?
A. Boil the hell out of it.

Q. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A. Polaroids.

Q. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A. A stick.

Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

Q. What is a zebra?
A. 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.

Q. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A. Taste.

Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.

Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.

Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.

Q. Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
A. They all have phones.

Q. How can you tell if a man hasn't been taking his Viagra?
A. It's not hard.

Q. What does a fish say when he hits his head up against a cement wall?
A. Dam

Q. What did the cannibal get when he was late for supper?
A. The cold shoulder

Q: What do you get if you send a prostitute to law school?
A: A fucking know-it-all.

Q: Why do men fart more than women?
A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual."

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

A State Trooper pulled over a redneck in a pickup. He asked, "Got any I.D.?"
The redneck driver replied, "Bout Whut?"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

Q.How do you separate the men from the boys in France?
A: With a crowbar.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A: Because it's worth it.

Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

Q: What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A: 45 lbs

Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace will do that to you.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A: A speech impediment.

Q: What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A: A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

Q: Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides