Who's On First?

The phone rings:

Abbott: Super Duper Computer Store, can I help you?
Costello: Yes. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: No, the nameís Lou.
Abbott: Your computer?
Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: I told you, my name's Lou.
Abbott: What about Windows?
Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows?
Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
Abbott: Wallpaper.
Costello: Never mind the windows. I just need a computer and software.
Abbott: Software for Windows?
Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses, and run my business. What have you got?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
Abbott: I just did.
Costello: You just did what?
Abbott: Recommend something.
Costello: You recommended something?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: For my office?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yes, for my office!
Abbott: I recommend Office with Windows.
Costello: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, letís just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
Abbott: Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: Word in Office.
Costello: The only word in office is office.
Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: Which word in office for windows?
Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
Costello: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't start with some straight answers.
OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
Abbott: Yes, youíll want Real One.
Costello: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
Abbott: Real One!
Costello: If itís a lomg movie, I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?
Abbott: Of course.
Costello: Great, with what?
Abbott: Real One.
Costello: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
Abbott: You click the blue "1."
Costello: I click the blue one what?
Abbott: The blue "1."
Costello: Is that different from the blue "W"?
Abbott: The blue 1 is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
Abbott: No, just one. But itís the most popular Word in the world.
Costello: It is?
Abbott: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
Costello: And that word is real one?
Abbott: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
Costello: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping. You have anything I can track my money with?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: That's right. What do you have?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: I need money to track my money?
Abbott: It comes bundled with your computer.
Costello: What's bundled to my computer?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: Money comes with my computer?
Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.
Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
Abbott: One copy.
Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
Abbott: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?
Abbott: Sure, why not? THEY own it!
(pause)
Costello: How do I turn my computer off?
Abbott: Click on "START".......... Hello? Hello? You still there?


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