Jesse Jackson's Statement

Due to the great consternation caused by the revelation of my act of
procreation, I accept my obligation to give an explanation to the
population for my act of copulation. I gave in to temptation, for the
anticipation of sexual gratification, that I could not obtain through
masturbation, resulted in my fornication.

I accepted her invitation, and provided her with excitation,
stimulation, penetration, replication, and liberation. She provided
lubrication to avoid inflammation, and I wore condoms to avoid
contamination. She cried for duplication, but I insisted upon
termination, in spite of her fascination with variation.

This has caused me great aggravation, and the agitation and
provocation of the media has resulted in my humiliation, denigration,
and degradation. My wife is considering castration, which would
require my hospitalization.

Pray that this matter will find culmination in my sanctification and
rehabilitation so that my plans for nomination to my ultimate vocation
will not result in revocation and termination.

I hope this proclamation has provided illumination and verification
and will prohibit further provocation.

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