Investigators at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest
element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively
This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number
of zero. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice
neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, that are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected
as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to
the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes a single reaction
to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does
not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange
places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase
over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably
become neutrons forming new isotopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate
that Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
You will know it when you see it.
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