We, the sensible people of the United States, in
an attempt to help everyone get along, restore
some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots,
keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior
and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to
ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren,
hereby try one more time to ordain and establish
some common sense guidelines for the terminally
whiny, guilt ridden, delusional and other liberal
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a
whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of
Rights and are so dim that they require a:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
You do not have the right to never be offended.
This country is based on freedom, and that means
freedom for everyone not just you! You may leave
the room, turn the channel, express a different
opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots,
and probably always will be.
You do not have the right to be free from harm.
If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to
be more careful, do not expect the tool
manufacturer to make you and all your relatives
You do not have the right to free food and
housing. Americans are the most charitable people
to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need,
but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing
generation after generation of professional couch
potatoes who achieve nothing more than the
creation of another generation of professional
You do not have the right to free health care.
That would be nice, but from the looks of public
housing, we're just NOT interested in public
You do not have the right to physically harm other
people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or
kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us
want to see you fry in the electric chair.
You do not have the right to the possessions of
others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods
or services of other citizens, don't be surprised
if the rest of us get together and lock you away
in a place where you STILL won't have the right to
a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
You don't have the right to demand that our
children risk their lives in foreign wars to
soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive
governments and won't lift a finger to stop you
from going to fight if you'd like; however, we do
not enjoy parenting the entire world, and do not
want to spend so much of our time battling each
and every little tyrant with a military uniform
and a funny hat.
You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure
want all of you to have one, and will gladly help
you along in hard times, but we expect YOU to take
advantage of the opportunities of education and
vocational training laid before you to make
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an
American means that you have the right to pursue
happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if
you are unencumbered by an over abundance of
idiotic laws created by those of you who were
confused by the Bill of Rights.
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