STATEMENT BY A FORMER RC LEADER

 

I knew of/about RC from around the age of seven, as my mother was in RC. I attended a few International Workshops but spent most of the time in the child care facilities rather than in the main workshop.

By the age of 16 I had done a fundamentals course and joined our local Community. Over the following years I became more involved, teaching four fundamentals, ongoing classes and a series of one-day workshops. Our home was used frequently for meetings and my mother had an administrative job for our community.

In 1991 I organized a young people's workshop. At midnight the co-organizer came to my room and said Harvey wanted to see me. I remember thinking to myself "What, now?", but I made my way to his room anyway. I knocked at the door and he answered that I should come in.

When I entered he was in bed already. I could see his head, shoulders and arms. The room was lit with only a bedside lamp. I was a little embarrassed at my seeming intrusion, so I quickly announced I had received a message that he wanted to see me, but I could come back in the morning. I stood just inside the door, which was ajar.

"Shut the door and come in", came the reply from Harvey, with a laugh, which put me a bit more at ease.

I closed the door and moved closer. Before I spoke, Harvey asked if I wanted to work on re-emerging from sexual distress; would I like to work on rational sex? "Now?" I asked. Which got another laugh. "Of course, there's no time like now - is there?" he smiled. I guessed not, so I sat on the edge of the bed.

He said I should get in bed, lie on top of him and kiss him passionately. Just the thought of it made my giggle. A few seconds (or minutes, it seemed) passed. He repeated the direction and I giggled again. The next time there was a slight hint of urgency in his voice. "Do you want to do this? Do you want to re-emerge? Well, this is the way you have to do some work, then."

I knew it was late. I was rather honored that he should want to help me, and at such an hour. I was embarrassed. I began talking about the day, the workshop and finally my embarrassment. He encouraged me by reminding me it was safe here; this was the time to work on myself, to rid myself of distress. That he loved me and I loved him. It was right. I lay down on the bed fully clothed and on top of the bed covers, and tried to relax. He continued to talk. He said he might fall asleep, but that I should carry on. "What a strange thing to say", I thought, and giggled.

"It won't work unless you get into bed and take some clothes off", he reminded me. I could tell he was a little disappointed I was taking so long, but he carried on speaking in a reassuring way. I removed my top clothes and got under the covers. I lay there very still and tried to slow my thoughts. I was sweating. He spoke first, reminding me he loved me, it was safe, etc.

I was uncomfortable. I remember thinking he sounded like an abuser, and giggled. It's funny what we say in a session. It's true, he is an abuser. I knew what I felt. I was uncomfortable. I didn't like it. It felt wrong - abusive and unsafe. But I "rationalized". I told myself what I was feeling was "distress". I told myself what I was feeling was uncomfortable because I was dealing with my "stuff". There are lot of jargon words to explain what we feel in RC, and we are told not to trust our feelings.

Harvey then reminded me of the original direction. I must lie on top of him and kiss him passionately. I felt very uncomfortable. I was sweating. I giggled, and the next thing he said arrested me.

"Come on", he said. Then he mentioned the name of a young woman present at the workshop and added that she'd done it. I'm not sure if I was shocked or surprised or confused. It was inappropriate to use that as a contradiction. I remembered I was the client and the power was mine. Then I thought more about that. He was quiet; his eyes were closed. I was the client. I could choose what to work on and at my own pace. I knew this was Harvey, but I felt his counseling was inappropriate; he was taking my power away. I didn't want to do this. I got up and dressed. I stood for a minute. He didn't move. I wanted to say something but so much was going through my head.

I left the room and walked back to mine. I felt really strange. I didn't like it. I didn't like something but I didn't know what. I felt confused. I started to rationalize. He had made me face my distress, that's all. He had counseled me, and I was confused. I knew I felt something, but I dared not accept the truth. First I tried to tell myself the feelings were "discharge" - a release of emotion because I was in a counseling session. Then I decided it was more than that. He had counseled me inappropriately. I knew there was more wrong - I felt it with my whole body - but I couldn't think it or admit it to myself. It was too terrible and unbelievable, so I just toned it down to make it acceptable. I knew what had happened but I couldn't believe it, so I used every RC piece of theory I could to rationalize it, to shut out what I felt and knew and to say that it was fine. Nothing strange had happened - it was me who was nuts!

The next day, Harvey had me stand with him in front of the group and announced we were close. I stood rigid. I don't know why I felt so cold. I didn't feel close to him.

I thought about the experience a lot for a long time. I was confused. I didn't like something but I didn't know what. His counseling? Facing my distress? There was something. I felt it.

I'm not sure why, but I mentioned it to one of my regular counselors. I said, "Mentioning someone else's name is inappropriate, isn't it?". Was that it? It sounded silly. Is that what I was having all these feelings for -- because he mentioned someone's name and said she'd done it? My counselor said it wasn't really good counseling.

My mother had been in RC for some years, so I asked her what she thought. I wasn't happy with something, but I didn't know what. As soon as I told her of my experience, a look of shock came over her face. She muttered something about having heard, but not

believed the stories. I didn't understand what she meant, but asked again: "So you don't just think it's me -- there was something not right?". I was thinking lots of things. She was talking. I didn't think he'd counseled me very well.

Then I was listening to what my mother was saying. Lots of things were wrong with that session, but I wasn't sure what; just that I didn't like it.

I was at the house of some friends who had been in RC. When one asked me if I was still in RC, I started talking about lots of points which troubled me, and then I got to the "session". Her expression let me knew that she knew more. She told me a story which outraged me: of another woman who was in RC for years but had now left, and of her experiences with Harvey and his counseling.

Even though I had left RC by this time I thought it only right to tell the people I knew well in my ex-community why I was leaving.

I started with the ARP. His response confused me further. He seemed to know already! Not about me in particular but that this went on. He told me not to tell anyone else and assured me that Harvey was old, therefore it couldn't go on for much longer.

I knew Harvey was going to me at another workshop near where I lived, so I went specifically to talk to him about it. I found him at lunch sitting with two young women; both of them had attended the workshop I had organized, and one was the woman whose name he had mentioned in my "session". I told Harvey I was very uncomfortable with what had happened. He smiled and invited me to join them for lunch. Next he asked if I wanted to be his wife! He said provided I loved his other wives as much, and pointed at the two young women opposite. I announced that I loved them more than he did, declined the proposal, and asked if he had any husbands. Harvey told me not to be silly and refused to answer anything else.

I told at least ten people in my ex-community my story because I felt they deserved to know the truth. I left it to them as to what they chose to do - stay in RC, leave RC, ask questions, etc.

I also tried to talk to other leaders. Most knew of "Harvey's problem", but thought it had stopped. They told me not to worry, that they would deal with it, and of course not to tell anyone!

As I began to ask more questions people - the leaders - began to forget who I was, not respond, and shut me out. I received many phone calls and letters from various people: some who had had similar experiences, some who wanted to hear my story, and some who wanted me to stop telling people.

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I prefer not to disclose my name on the Web in case my friends and colleagues who have had no contact with RC come across it and wonder how all this could have happened. However, I felt strongly that people should know the truth. If anyone wishes to contact me they can do so by sending a message to me care of Peter with their postal address, as I do not have Internet access.