"A Place Called Rhondda"
A Welsh RareBite
by
Denis Scott
Double click on pictures to enlarge.
Between you and me,
There's a rumour going around
The Valleys', you see,
That a new version
Of Bram Stoker's "Dracula",
Is going to be made
By the BBC.
They scouted o'er the land,
Even unto the edges of the Empire,
For the Director
Wanted a young lad
To play Vlad,
As a baby vampire.
"Just a month old." he said.
"You'd better find him,
Before you go to bed."
The Director ranted on,
"Search high and low,
As far as you can."
And that's how they found him,
The boy called, Osian. ('O' as in on)
"He's only a month old,
We can't even pay him.
What a pity!"
But he was what
The Director wanted,
So they made him
A member of
Actors' Equity.
"Fancy, eighty quid a day they'll pay him,
And he can't even walk."
"That's not all," they sniped,
"He can't even talk."
But, you watch, boyo,
They'll soon shout out his name.
Goodness, all over the land
There will be a great acclaim.
Also a crazy hysteria,
And he's not even From Transylvania.
He's from the Rhondda, you know,
Ferndale, in fact.
His Nan and Gransher,
Marian and Clive,
Will vouch for that.
They stand tall,
Humble, yet proud,
Not like that pair,
Beckham and Posh,
With her nose in the air.
On the world's stage
She's known as a hack.
Duw, she can't hold a candle
To our boy in black.
This chilling tale
Has been told before,
Thrusting a few stars
To the fore.
Bela Lugosi springs to mind,
As he was one of a kind.
His evil intentions
To entice eternal Mina
To his lair,
Was always expressed
With such flair.
The shooting location
For Dracula's lair
Was not hard to find,
For in Wales
There are plenty of castles
That come to mind.
So without further hassle,
Count Dracula
Would reside in spooky,
Caerphilly Castle.
For his scene,
They dressed Osian,
All in black.
In a black silk gown,
Duw, there's lovely he looked.
He didn't cry,
Even when they put on
A long robe,
adorned with bats,
With a tall collar,
Dracula style.
But the silver fangs were too much,
For they heard Rhian holler,
"No way, by heck.
When Nan cwtch's him,
He'll bite her neck."
Stephen said,
"Never mind, he'll do his best.
You can count on it.
Though when Gransher sees him,
He'll think he's been
Down the pit."
Burton and Dylan,
Are now smiling on top.
"A new star coming through,"
They would say,
"He'll be the best of the lot."
Osian will wow them
In the aisles,
You wait and see.
He'll be better than
Peter Cushing,
Or
Christopher Lee.
So in the spring of 2008,
It's not long to wait,
To see for yourself
How Osian,
On BBC,
Amid all the hoopla,
Became the infamous,
Count Dracula.
One last thought
Before you go to bed,
Remember what the Vicar said.
"Lock up your doors and windows,
And trim them with garlic,
As much as you can.
There's a new boy in town,
His name is Osian."
If you wish to further explore the past,
doublick click on the links below:
"A Nation of Amens"
"Only For A Day"
"Valley Green"
"Lost Songs"
"The Oasis"
"Those Men in White"
Wales v England 1999
If you wish to correspond with Denis
please select:
Denis Scott