"Cover Girl Long & Luscious waterproof mascara will dramatically magnify
your lashes for a look that's glamorous and natural," LR-4427 said. "And the
great part is, they won't irritate your eyes, even if you accidentally smear
some over your clamped-open eyeballs with a Q-tip and can't flush it out for
48 hours."
LR-4427 said he also likes the fact that the Cover Girl product stays on,
rain or shine.
"No matter what the weather, you're guaranteed gorgeous lashes with Long
& Luscious mascara," LR-4427 said. "And they'll stay that way all day long,
in 10 hours of 200-degree heat from a hair dryer or icy blasts from a shower
head."
In the past six months, LR-4427 said he has tried "literally hundreds" of
different mascaras. Of these, he said, Cover Girl Long & Luscious offers the
best combination of good looks, durability, and non-corrosiveness.
"The Cover Girl mascara they ground into my right eye is 10 times better
than the Max Factor Midnight Thicklash that was ground into my left," said
LR-4427, speaking from immobilization cage 39B. "The Max Factor stuff is
greasy and cheap-looking, not satiny and sophisticated like Cover Girl. And,
unlike Cover Girl, Max Factor doesn't wash away easily–not even with
industrial soap and steel-wool scouring pads."
According to LR-4427, eyes are the first thing you notice about a person.
And nothing is more important to the look of a woman's eyes than mascara.
"If you're anything like me, you hate it when the look you spent all day
perfecting is ruined by your mascara running or dripping," said LR-4427,
cocking his head as much as possible inside his plastic holdfast collar.
"Well, your worries are over, because Cover Girl Long & Luscious stays on
your eyes right where the injectors put it. With Long & Luscious, there's no
need to cauterize your tear ducts shut, unlike some mascaras I could
mention."
LR-4427 added that clinical tests have proven that Cover Girl Long &
Luscious will leave your lashes 40 percent thicker than Elizabeth Arden
mascara. In addition, Long & Luscious will feel 50 percent less like your
eyes are melting down your cheeks after being pierced with red-hot fireplace
pokers.
"The last thing you want right before a big date is to lose confidence in
your mascara," LR-4427 said. "You need to know that his eyes will be on
yours–not on any chemical scarring."
"And if you have a long day... or night," continued LR-4427, attempting a
saucy wink despite his surgically excised eyelids, "touch-up's a breeze.
Just pack more Long & Luscious into your orbital sockets, your nostrils,
your anus–any of the delicate tissues that get stressed by your busy
lifestyle–and you're ready to go."
LR-4427 then returned to work, where he is finishing up testing a new
aloe-scented exfoliating scrub before being reassigned to Procter & Gamble's
small-arms ammunition division.