The following questions and answers are from my guest book.  Can you relate to these situations?

I'm looking for some information on fusing, becoming one with an alter. Is it normal when I feel the part slipping away and don't want them to go? I'm hanging on to one of the parts that is usually out~ "Kellie"~ and I don't feel that I'm ready to do it on my own with out her. I don't know what I'm asking. sorry!!!
dream chaser
robin!

dream chaser:      Everybody is different, so all I can tell you is my own experience with blending.  There was a time when I felt the other parts disappear, and I assumed that meant we had blended because I didn't see them or hear them or feel them.  I hated it, though, because I missed them terribly.  I was very sad.  It turned out I hadn't blended with them; they had dived deep inside and weren't communicating.  When I really did blend, it was a pretty awesome experience and no one was missing.  Everyone was with me, all their skills and knowledge.  I wasn't doing it without them.  We were all together.  It's like, before, the parts were stuck emotionally in the past (even if they lived in the present, their feelings, triggering and such, was as if the past was happening now).  When we blended, everyone was brought up to a better place.  It was clear that "that was then, this is now."  There are still adjustments to make in becoming one, it is a new way to live life. And sometimes it's felt a bit lonely without the companionship of "others."  Still, the people I know who have blended have found it to be a positive experience.  I hope that helps a little. J.B.

A reader writes: I have had this experience where I can feel what another "part" of me wants to do in a given situation, but I can't do it with her.  Yet I wish that I could do it with her.  Then when I go my own way and make myself "safe" by shrouding myself with the other person and letting them see as little of me as possible, I feel her slip away and its a sad goodbye.  I think that its normal to  be sad that another part of you is going.  She holds some of your true self and you want a piece of her experience, at the same time you want her to care about your experience.  I think you are meant to use her help, not make do "without" her.  Getting closer to her makes you more free. (anonymous)

Hi Robin,
Where do you think Kellie is going? In fusing alters, nobody is lost, or dies. Try to imagine a braid, one strand covering the next and so on, this is what it is like when you blend together. Nobody dominates, nobody disappears. I think consent from the alters is crucial, Kellie may need to take a time out from consciousness, but that does not mean she won't come back. We used to struggle for control a lot before we learned that we could all be out at the same time, if we shared. Try to find out what Kellie's job is, and maybe you will learn why she no longer feels needed. Perhaps her function isn't necessary right now.....Keep coming back for more info, and hang in there! Jenn

 I'm DID and my life is going to pieces. I can't seem to handle anything anymore.
Vickisue 

Hi Vickisue,
It's really hard to offer advice with so little information, but I do understand being DID. When the system of alters (personalities) breaks down, it is actually the beginning of your healing journey. I suggest you find a good therapist who treats DID, and join a support group if possible. There are other websites for multiples and messages boards where you can ask questions, or just talk to other multiples. Cooperation within your family of alters is crucial, try to communicate with the others, so you can begin to work together. I wish you the best of luck in your healing.  Jenn

Vickisue,
You don’t mention how long you have had the diagnosis (dx) of DID, but I want to emphasize that it gets better.  “Prior” to my dx I could not handle anything.  When I started therapy it got better, although it can still be like a roller coaster.  I found that when on the downhill side of the roller coaster I didn’t think there would be any relief.  Then I would fine myself climbing out of the pit.  It takes time to learn new coping skills and once on the uphill climb I was learning to cope better and become stronger.  One thing that helps me is to reflect on how bad it once was and that I did survive it, somehow.  It is not that simple of course, I needed a lot of therapy in the beginning so that I could talk about my life being in pieces and having someone help me learn new coping skills.  Emily

Vickisue:     I don't know if this will help or not, but feeling like you can't  handle anything anymore seems to be an inevitable part of the process.  It doesn't mean that you will fail to handle things, it means you haven't figured out the new way to handle things yet.  That last word is important - yet - because if you stick with, one little bit at a time, you will figure it out and you will start to handle things in a new and different way.  I was scared of what I didn't know in the beginning.  I came to love every one of my parts.  We learned to work together.  And we blended into one.  It's a long, hard process, but you can get there.  All you need to concentrate on is today.
J.B.

I sometimes think of that book, "Enemy Mine" by Jose Farmer.  A movie was made of it, too, and I check it out once in a while.  It shows dissociative disorder so clearly, and especially mine because of the suspicion and fear between my alters before they knew each other better.  When I first made contact with my alter, it was as if I had met a savage alien.  I was so scared and so was it.  I actually felt the terror of impending death.  That was my main symptom that was so disabling in my life, but I became well as I made friends and we began to work together.  Restin Wells

I have found out recently after years of being treated for other illnesses I have DID. I don’t know what this means really and right now I feel more lost than ever. But I am finding support and familiarity with people and web sites like yours thank you.
Matt

Matt,
This has to be tough.  I was almost immediately diagnosed correctly once my life fell apart.  I had had counseling and I had a lot of medical problems that were basically all in my head…. But I never had to deal with being treated for the incorrect dx.  I would imagine having a lot of mixed feelings about finally getting on the right treatment plan.  I do remember when I was first diagnosed that I felt all alone and lost  I was not aware of the struggles I endured all of my life and how I dealt with it.  I guess knowing the reason for all my confusion was like a double-edged sword.  In some ways it was such a relief to understand why I felt so much internal conflict. On the other and I could not accept that my internal conflict really had meaning; I still can’t.

You are not alone in being misdiagnosed; Restin Wells also had the wrong dx for a long time.  Here is what she writes:

“I also am a survivor. I lost a whole decade of productivity just because I couldn't get the right diagnosis. When I found the real problem, it only took a year to get my life back. I've written a book, a fast-moving, self-help narrative. I want to help others.”   

Hi Matt,
Unfortunately your story is typical of us multiples. I am happy that you finally figured it out! All multiples are unique in their systems, and finding out how yours works is a real mystery.  Reaching out to others like us is a great idea, and helps you to accept your dx.  Good luck. Jenn

Matt:     I hope you can find a qualified therapist who has some experience dealing with DID.  It's not unusual at all to be diagnosed with other things before getting the correct diagnosis.  It has happened to most of us, I think.  With the help of a qualified therapist, you will figure out what it means for you and you will begin to find your own answers. J.B.

Hi, sorry I can't really add to any success  stories right now cause I'm just getting started in  my treatment. I feel so overwhelmed that I'm not so  sure that I can continue to help the others. If any  of you have any good tips that might be helpful,  please do send them my way. I feel very alone in this world. Thank you.   Tara

Hi Tara,
I too felt very alone, until I reached out into cyberspace and found a whole world of multiples awaiting!! There are more like us than you realize, and I hope that you will not feel so alone once you make some friends. My best tip is to trust your selves, accept that even the radical parts have a job to do, and it all revolves around protecting YOU! Make a time line of your life and place each alter on it according to age, any blank spaces probably mean alters that have not yet surfaced. It is the first step in your journey to wholeness. Wishing you the best of luck in your discovery of you.  Jenn

Tara:   It is overwhelming at times during the healing process.  In the beginning, so much seems unknown, and the unknown can feel pretty scary.  It's a good idea to practice taking care of yourself, cause you will need to rely on that skill as you go along.  There will be lots of opportunities to help others, but when you are overwhelmed you need to put yourself first. 

Or, did you mean helping the others within you?  One thing that might help is to keep a notebook available to all the parts where they can write or draw about things that they find fun, comforting, relaxing, etc.  Then, try to make a point of doing those things on a regular basis.  Balance is a real key to managing life and this healing process - work, play, rest, socialize, and eat healthy.

Now, particularly in the beginning of my healing work, I had some parts  who would have written down some not-too-healthy suggestions on the fun list.

I had to learn that, even if I didn't understand it at first, all the parts were committed to my survival, and some of the parts thought that meant keeping me under control, not telling, stopping the emotional pain with physical pain, etc.  Over time I learned to honor their motives, and that helped them be open to trying healthier behaviors.  

You'll make it, step by step, if you keep your sights on healing.  A million times it felt too hard to me, and I felt like I couldn't make it.  But, all you have to do when it's that overwhelming is get through the next five minutes.  And you will.  One step at a time. 
J.B.

I have gone through 3 regression sessions with  my therapist. I feel very scared about all this mpd stuff. Will I always be this way? Do these people  live with me forever?  

Kathy, 
Yes, I think they do, but later on it will not be so chaotic. The voices will disappear when you learn to blend together, and therapy will help you learn to cooperate with each other. Acceptance of each other as important and real will help you to heal. 

Kathy:    Yes and no.  You will always be you, and you won't "lose" anybody.  But, if you continue to pursue your own healing path, you won't always be so scared, this won't always seem so strange and new.  You will get to know the other parts (people) and you can work toward harmonious co-existance or blending into one.  It can be a scary process at times.  Unfortunately, the only way to the other side of this is through it.  Keep reminding yourself that you have already survived what happened that made you split.  The healing is hard, but you can make it.  I'm sorry it feels so scary right now.
J.B.

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