I am currently having a problem with therapy. Today my T got me to gently go back over a troubled memory and describe the emotions that I felt. Problem is that my alter that is our protector, blocks the feelings. I get a small sample and then it shuts down. How do I cope with this. I want to be able to experience these feelings. Does it all boil down to time? Has anyone else experienced this? I am very frustrated. Three of us
For me personally I can recall so much that that in and of itself causes me great stress. As for what I felt? Most of the time I haven't a clue. I just know what I went through and I can give the experience in very great detail. I've been told for many years that when I talk about my past I always seem to do it as the third person.
I don't know how much it is totally necessary to feel vs understanding and accepting. If we get poked with a hot fork it'll hurt - we don't need to be poked to know it'll hurt. Thus, if we know that an experience 'hurt' we don't necessarily need to feel it to know that it 'hurt' us. What then we need to do is analyze it, walk through it, understand it and accept we had no control and some how (though cliché) allow it to be placed into that box in which we don't keep grabbing at it when things become hard in life. Dave
I do understand the frustration since this is one reason we are stuck where we are. Our feelings are completely separate from the knowledge and/or memory. It's a problem for me because there are so many times we have believed that we have healed from what ever the hurt was. We stop having nightmares, we stop acting a certain way. Then wham we get this feeling that makes no sense at all and it leads back to a memory we thought was dealt with.
My T does not push me. He allows me to go over the same thing a billion times. Emily
The problem with forcing a memory or feeling is that it can and sometimes does run from you. It will bury itself deeper in your mind until its ready to surface or thinks your ready to handle it. I know its strange in saying that feelings or memories can think or feel but one can never know exactly what something can or can not do. There have been lots of times I have tried to force a memory or feeling out and have it only bury itself deeper in my brain. It wasn't until I totally relaxed and didn't push things that it came out. One thing I have found that works well is meditation. I've been able to recall more things when I'm meditating or right afterwards. Sammy
What works and what doesn't work? If you are in therapy, what is one thing you do that helps you to function better or cope with a certain situation. If you are not in therapy the question still applies, but you learned it on your own, and it works pretty darn good. Emily
What Works (in therapy)... Deep discussion. If I learned one thing in therapy, it was that I had a deep-rooted need to TALK. I had so much to say and my whole life, no one had ever taken the time to listen. It was amazing how much I was able to unload just by knowing that my T was there, getting paid to listen to me.
What Doesn't Work (in therapy)... Over-medication. I had one T who was trying to fix my problems with drugs. Medication can be helpful, but it shouldn't be the only step you take in overcoming DID.
What Works (out of therapy)... If there is one thing I have learned on my own, it's that I stress too much. It's easy to lose sight of your focus when you don't have a T to put you on track again. I was crazy for months after quitting therapy as the stress constantly became too much for me. I finally learned to relax and take time to myself. I bought a journal, took long walks, prayed, and had long conversations with myself. I vented a lot of my stress painting and writing and slowly, over time, I began to feel more in control.
What Doesn't Work (out of therapy)... Self-doubt. After stopping therapy, I constantly worried if I had done the right thing. I told myself I was stupid, dumb, ugly, and that no one liked me. I tore myself down big time. This should be an obvious thing, that insulting yourself won't solve anything. But it was still a huge hurdle for me, and I still struggle with it. Mirrorwell
what works is when our therapist can see one of us and his eyes tear up. then we know he sees us. he says he is not crying, just touched that we are talking to him.
what doesn't work is when we look to hard inside him. we keep testing him to see where his limit is. we have to stop doing that. its counterproductive. sonjaetc
I'm not currently in therapy but what I have found that works for me out of therapy has been to write. Either to write what I am feeling or to write a short story. So I sometimes do a lot of writing.
What doesn't work though is to keep things, such as feelings bottled up inside me. I need to learn better how to talk about what I'm thinking and feeling. That's my biggest problem right now, talking. I find it easier to write then talk. Dannique
