Autumn asks: "What I really have is a question for other multiples. I have recently been experiencing a lot of time when I am observing what goes on with my alters. I have no control over what they do. I don't see my body doing these things, I see the alters. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm rather frightened about the whole thing."
Autumn,
First, I must tell you that I do not suffer from DID but that my fiancée does. Although he knows that he has DID, he sees his alters as people doing things. Unfortunately, the only alters that I have met are violent individuals that inflict harm onto him. He reports these incidences to the police and it has gotten him into a great deal of difficulty with the law as they see him as obstructing justice. My point, is that he cannot accept these personalities as he does not like them and they seem not to like him. I think that it would be helpful if they could find away to communicate with one another and work out a plan of acceptance and a method of handling stress. Mia3wolvesAutumn, You might present your more adult self, or your ISH [inner self helper], as a friend to those alters and get permission to go along. If they protest, answer their fears and reassure that you want to help, not criticize or over-control. I had to go thru many negotiations with my alters, and answer many questions, in order to gain their trust and be able to influence them. As you gain influence and they begin to listen and trust, you can feel less fear of things getting out of control. Then you can all go into many scary places together as a team, to work out some past issues. Just go slow and be gentle. Restin Wells
Autumn, some of the experiences we deal with are so complicated, aren't they. If I understand what you are describing, I often have similar experience. I didn't use to observe; I either didn't know I was doing things people told me I did, or I felt I was acting out of character. When I "acted out of character" I somehow knew that there were others with me that were acting a certain way and I went along for a ride.
Now that I understand and accept that there are other members (alters, parts) I do experience being an observer. I sometimes do not feel that I can control what I absolutely know is another member. Yes, I suppose this is frightening. However, awareness is half the battle. With awareness I am learning to embrace these parts of my life that I didn't know existed or the times I felt out of character. I work hard not to go for a ride or feel out of control.
When I began to understand my system, I had to meet the others and understand how they behave and think, and why. It is much like meeting new people. Probably the biggest difference is that eventually you have to come to an understanding because you are sort of stuck with one another. I am a very nice person--right? Well, my personality got on the nerves of one of the other members. Can you imagine? She called me Jiminy Cricket. Other members didn't like her. Come to find out she talks the way she does, acts the way she does and behaves the way she does because she was hurt really bad. Once we understood that and got to know each other we find that we cannot live without each other. Emily
Tim wants to know: "i would like to help a dear friend (not me!) who i believe has dissociative disorder to manage her behavior and get better, but I don't know how without hurting her, advice is welcome"
Dear Tim,
I've found out that unless someone is ready to deal with something- you can't. You could share a personal story (if you are DID) or a book like "United We Stand". Denial is a great escape and very to get out of because we so much want to be like others. What's great is when I/We found out my did is a gift. I/We are a loving family within one physical structure. Good Luck with your friend. Yours JR.
Hi, I am JR friend and also she volunteers in my store. She first came in 7 years ago and she and it has been a wonderful experience to watch her grow and accept her self. I sometime get thrown when she changes but I have gotten used to it. When she dissociated she has a committee meeting and gets it together. She has become the store right hand. and she works when she can. She is a creative bright and wonderful to be around. I am not DID but I have learned so much about myself from her. I have learn to just accept her for who and where she is, and that she is what she says she is. The acceptance I think is the greatest gift you can give a DID. JR says with acceptance she has learned to change her attitude about herself and she likes herself now. The acceptance has let her have the space to change.
Gene B.
STEPS In Time
(a recovery store)
