Sandy asks: "Do you have any suggestions for going back in and letting someone else come out for a while? I am very tired and can't stop thinking, Teacher"
Teacher,
I was diagnosed 7 yrs. ago. Not been easy but has been livable. Learn to relax with it. Encourage everyone to play a part in your life now. The past is not going to hurt you.
Flipper DolphinTeacher,
it's real important that we don't struggle, it only causes a riot. I have to talk kindly and understandingly to everyone and they are reassured we are not in the pain anymore and we get better. Just came out of about a 8 day spin. I've learned to just do "pattern" of regular schedule and not do anything extra.in a spin, thoughts cant be held for too long,
feelings are hurt easily,
have a hard time talking to the people around me (that i know) harder out of the house.
friends get their feelings hurt.
only a few i can say, sometimes im here but im not here.
then there i am, i'm back.
taking a chance on sharing here.
thanx Witches HonorTeacher,
Relaxing is a very good idea. Part of me has wanted back in (inside) almost all of my life. I tried to be there for her, to take over, since that was my job. She is stronger now and is a strong presence right along side of me, day in and day out.It was not easy. She too was tired and weary, but as time went on she learned new skills to get through it. Like, Witches Honor, I too have experienced long bouts of being in a spin--good word for it. It seems nearly impossible to cope during those times, but I try to learn whatever I can from them so I will be stronger next time. Emily
Hi, My boyfriend just
recently told me about his MPD. He seems embarrassed to talk about it.
I want to be there for him and understand. I love him dearly and would
never judge him. Any suggestions? Should I ask questions? I
have done research via internet. Any help you can give would be
wonderful. Thanks for your time.
Sherry
Hi Sherry,
I have DID (the new term for MPD is Dissociative Identity Disorder), and so does my hubby! I don't know how long your boyfriend has known about his dx, but in the beginning it is difficult to share this info, so feel very honored that he even told you!! I would not probe him for answers, but be there for him whenever he feels like sharing. I would treat him very gently when you are aware that he is acting "young" and treat him as if he were a very special child indeed, this will help his younger parts to feel more comfortable around you. Perhaps you could let him know that it would be okay if he just wants to color with you sometime, or even go see a cool movie like Monsters, Inc.I think it is important that you accept all of his parts, even the angry ones when they appear. My hubby doesn't like admitting he is still split, so I humor him and pretend I don't notice when he is acting 12. I think the hardest part of dealing with someone like us is when the parts that are threatened by you come out, you must understand that it is not YOU they hate, but the past. They are stuck in the past trauma, and you will be seen as the enemy until they realize the past is gone, and they are safe with you.
So, great question, I have a million and one tips for you, but will stop here until I hear from you again. I think it is awesome that a "singleton" like you is so compassionate and caring. Great job!
Jennifer
Sherry, It is a touchy subject when you want to reach out for understanding. I think you need to ask questions in general first to see where the other person is coming from. It also depends on your own assertiveness level. Some people don't care a hoot if another person agrees with them or not... they are going to say what's on their mind anyway. If you're that way, that's good. But most of us are a bit sensitive.
You also need to realize that some alters inside are not going to be the same way your front person is about revealing personal secrets, and such. I've made that mistake so badly that I've even lost a good job because I couldn't go back the next day. That's just one reason why it's so important to discover all your alters, and get them under control. Just speaking from my own experience, I really understand the loneliness with DID/MPD, as I've never had the support of any family member, nor professionals either, for the most part. If you feel your husband is open to your thoughts, you're ahead already. That's good for him too, as he will know how to respond when you go through changes in alters. He won't be confused when he sees you have switched. But, even so, I would try to think of the other person's feelings too, whether family or friends, and try not to drag them down into my times of bad feelings.
I've found that most of my friends at work, etc, are stressed a lot by life already, and steer away from people who talk mostly about heavy stuff. I went through a lot of jobs because of my illness, and found that it wasn't a good idea to let the boss or teammates see very much. When I did find a close friend, at work or elsewhere, I mainly just talked about the facts of DID, without being too emotional. If you find someone who has"strong shoulders" and can really get into it with you, count yourself very blessed indeed. There are a few people like that, tho, and I believe it's good to open the subject with anyone who seems to like you. BTW, the whole world still needs to change their attitudes about mental illness; and whenever we can speak up on it, we're helping the cause there,too.
Restin WellsMy experience: I felt very alone with the dx. I wanted to talk about it, but never knew how to start the conversation without feeling as though I was looking for pity or help. I definitely did not want my dx to be the topic of every conversation or to be who I was.
I always wished my husband would have asked me more questions in the beginning. Of course, he didn't know I would have wanted this, he was under the impression I would tell him when I was ready. So I think it is great that you genuinely care about his feelings and want to be helpful. The thing about being multiple is that you were most likely multiple all of your life (not you, but the person who is multiple, sorry). So, you are the same as "person" so to speak, prior to being labeled. Having the label makes people feel unsettled, weird, scared, gee so much more... and yes embarrassed. But why? Lots of times it is the judgment of outsiders that just make us want to crawl back into a safe world.
I still do not tell people I am multiple unless I am absolutely positive they will not judge me or treat me differently. I can't say that I have ever been embarrassed by the label, but maybe more ashamed because I think people will automatically know I was sexually abused as a child and I have parts that feel they are to blame for it.
My husband never asks for details and the only person that knows the details is my therapist and the people who did this to me. Mostly, when my husband and I talk it is about different ways of dealing with situations, about nightmares, about accepting the little parts for who they are and watching them grow up. The key is not focusing on what was done, but how to deal with today and flooding memories.
Emily
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