I have a question, is it normal to have an "insider" be okay for awhile, then revert back to wanting and needing old ways? I have a suicidal one who, for a long time, was "ok" but now is back to her old ways. (a little more info here)... I have been dx'd less then a year and everything is a mess. One more question. Will symptoms get worse if you quit therapy? Thank you, Chris
Chris,
About whether your symptoms get worse if you quit therapy: I think that depends on why you are quitting. Is the T unhelpful? Are you unable to bond with your T? Or do you feel you've had enough help?It sounds like you've been in your situation for awhile, already. Or are you running away from something? Do you feel rejected or is there a problem between you? Is it financial? If it's those last four...yes, things could get worse. You could change therapists if you really really believe therapy isn't working. Terminating therapy is a very important decision and I would strongly advise discussing it with the therapist you are wanting to leave. See how that goes first.
Restin WellsChris,
Absolutely! There are many "triggers" that can cause one of your alters to surface with old coping behaviors. It is not safe to quit therapy when you have a suicidal one popping out. I really can't tell you from personal experience what happens when you quit therapy, I haven't quit yet. I do know some friends who were forced to terminate therapy, and they certainly aren't thriving. I believe everything was a "mess" for me also when I was newly dx'd. Journaling more frequently could help to answer questions, and create cohesion within.Try to find out what trigger the suicidal one so you can help him/her to overcome the impulses. Grounding techniques that work during an episode are saying to yourself "I'm safe now, this is 2001. Nobody will hurt me now. etc." Also, sometimes just reaching out to the hurting alter can help them to not feel alone in their pain. At some point you will have to accept some of their pain as your own in order to heal.
Chris,
Jennifer
You are completely normal; you have just been through some very bad stuff.There's probably something going on in your current life that is causing this part to come out and take over. Because you can't solve the DID instantly, you must take action to deal with the current, triggering situation. You must provide for yourself now by keeping a supportive person around so that you can talk and have peer pressure not to hurt yourself.
Whether things get worse or better with therapy depends on the therapist. Everyone has some difficult times along the way. Some therapists are so good with DID that one can get an almost immediate improvement; these are hard to find. Others can only harm a person by upsetting a stable system while offering little remedy.
DaveWChris,
It is normal for insiders to revert back to an unhealthy coping skill. I have found this in my own experience when we have either rushed the process or were overwhelmed with life in general and couldn't find healthy skills to cope.I quit therapy when we were in the same type of situation; a suicidal one was present. The whole thing was terribly confusing because we knew we needed help, but could not find a way to communicate it. We lost trust in the process, there was anger towards my T and more. We quit, but we coped because we were able to use all of our old coping skills. We again stopped feeling anything, thinking anything, dealing with anything. There may be some entries about this time in my journal. Also, the times we have quit therapy did not last long. We always ended up back in therapy and not regretting that we returned.
The point is: I am a survivor. When I became suicidal, when I quit therapy, it was for the reason of self preservation. I was able to shut it all down. I did it, but I would never recommend quitting therapy to anyone. In fact, these are the times we need therapy the most. We are all different in how we deal with things. I made it through those dark times, but some people do not. Please step back and examine why you want to quit therapy and why you have a part that is again suicidal. Please take care.
EmilyChris,
One of the most important bylines in dealing with DID is to "listen and follow." It's important to be aware of every change within, and recognize who wants to express and what they are needing.The first order of business is to become co-conscious of all alters, and start up discussions with them. That doesn't mean that you grant every wish, but that you hear and negotiate. Some alters can get you into real-life personal or legal trouble. So, there needs to be a member of your system that is the Commander, usually the main adult self. People who are Dissociative do have families, jobs and financial responsibilities. The members of their inner family manage to stay out of serious trouble.
It's very important to "beef up" your power to command the rebel, self-destructive or immature alters. They need boundaries. You might be surprised, also how grateful they are that someone can save them from themselves, as somehow they know that their destructiveness is risking their own freedom too. The goal is to allow all alters to express, but to teach them to trust and help the others within too.
Restin Wells
My boyfriend has this one person that comes out who hates everyone and yells and says bad things to people. Im scared about this because im not use to this he wants that person to disappear from him and not come back out ever. How can i cope and handle this idea of this deal with my boyfriend?
It is my experience that you cannot make a part disappear. A person needs to understand the others and help them learn to express themselves in an appropriate and healthy manner. You can help yourself and your boyfriend by having good boundaries. This means you will not allow him or any one else to yell and say bad things to, or around you. Then you need to have consequences if this is to happen.
You need to be assertive and tell your boyfriend that you have a right to be treated with respect, that you will not be put down or made to feel scared. Let him know that if he and those within him cannot do this that you cannot be in that relationship. Then leave.
Most likely he is treating you the same way he was treated, or is acting out his pain. He was hurt and look what it did to him. While you won't end up with other parts, you will get hurt. He did not deserve to be hurt and why should you? He will continue to hurt you and others until he understands that it doesn't help anyone.
Emily
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