Does any one use avoidance as a coping skill and to what degree is it healthy? Do you consider it to be a coping skill?
Sammy writes: I use avoidance as a coping skill. I am very scared when I get around my family cause for as long as I can remember I have been put last on their list of who's important and when something bad has happened to me, I was stuck comforting myself. The past year or two they have been acting like they actually love me, which only makes it worse in a way for me. There have been times that I have made excuses why I couldn't go with or be around people.
As for avoidance being a coping skill, I'd say yes it is. Though it is not one of the healthier coping skills any of us can have. The reason avoidance is unhealthy is simply because with avoidance, we loose social skills with peers, elders, and youngsters. If we avoid people then we have no friends to talk to and no family to help us through the hard times.
Three of Us writes: I am the queen of avoidance. I avoid my family so I don't have to deal with the past. I detach myself from them and tuck them away so we are not forced to think about past memories.
There are times I even avoid thinking that I am DID. I know it's not a great coping skill but at the moment it works for me.
One of my alters would never use avoidance, she would think that it is the chickens way out. She likes to take the bull by the horns, no matter what the out come. Gutsy lady, but no tact. Gets me into a lot of trouble though.
Ravens writes: I think that the word "avoidance" implies something negative. I think that protecting yourself by avoiding triggers isn't something negative... in fact, I think that it's the opposite.
"Avoidance" means purposely avoiding something that you should do, I think. I don't think that it's very healthy to do something that will cause you or others harm... in other words, I don't think that dealing with things that will cause you or others unnecessary pain is something you should do. It makes much more sense to deal with those things with a little bit of protection and built up strength. Giving yourself time to build up strength and protection is not avoidance, it's just good judgment.
I avoid triggers, yes, but I don't think that I use "avoidance" as a coping mechanism. I think that I use time and protection as a coping mechanism.
Jill of Severalofus writes: Yes. Avoidance is something that I do and some of the others of us do as well. Our therapist points it out to me occasionally to remind me that I am doing it. Its hard for me to realize it so am grateful he points it out actually. No need to spend all that money on therapy if cant get anywhere because of avoidance is my take on it. Subconscious fears plays a large role in my avoidant behavior, so unraveling the reasons for these fears in therapy is the process for eliminating that barrier. For me and all of us it creates a barrier to help us feel safe suppose.