"Vacations, Memories and Homecomings"
Author: Rorie Spoilers: "Union
Station," various season 6 episodes Date began: 8-7-2000,
2:15am Author's notes: Everything in the series up to this point is still the same, with one major difference... Susan still exists in this universe. I mean, she hasn't been mentioned in the show since a few episodes after she left for Phoenix. Highly unrealistic, if you ask my opinion. Thanks: To my little sister, Jess--for betaing, even when your foot is all swollen and you're supposed to be packing for Denver. <g> To Pat and Lisa-- who probably don't remember this, but it started out of one of our RPGs... so to the best "Mark" and "Carol" around--Thanks. More notes at the end. SUSAN
LEWIS' APARTMENT Dr. Susan Lewis awoke with a start at the ringing of the phone next to her head. She had fallen asleep on her sofa over some paperwork. She grabbed the phone just as her answering machine was picking up. "Dr. Lewis." she said in a sleep-roughened voice. "Susan?" the voice on the other end asked. "I didn't wake you up, did I?" "Carol!" Susan exclaimed. "Yes, actually, you did. But that's okay, I was supposed to be doing paperwork." She paused. "Not to sound rude or anything... but why are you calling me? It's 11:30 there." "Oh, nothing." Carol said with a laugh. "I just thought you'd like to know that you now have 2 goddaughters." Susan was suddenly totally awake. "Oh, my god, Carol! Girls! Wow!" She paused to take a breath. "What are their names?" she asked much more calmly. "Tess and Kate." Carol said quietly. "Tess and Kate." Susan repeated. "I like them. Simple, yet absolutely beautiful." "Thanks." Carol answered. "So, when do you think you can come see them? You have to be here for the christening, you know." Susan sighed. "I know. It's so hard to get time off this time of year. You know that. Since I'm not married with children, I usually get stuck with the holidays to let those with families have the time off." She paused. "Tell you what... you pick a date, and I'll get the time off." Carol agreed, "I'll let you know. I've... I've got to tell Doug. He'll want to be here, too." "How did he take the news that he was now the daddy of two little girls?" "I... I haven't called him yet. I wanted to save the hardest for last. We... we didn't part on the best of terms." Carol took a shuddering breath. Susan could tell that her friend was crying on the other end. "He was really hurt that I wouldn't move to Seattle with him. But... but I couldn't. I wasn't ready to give up my life here in Chicago yet." She paused. "I'm not as brave as you are, Susan. I couldn't give up my established life to be with the ones that I love." Susan shook her head violently even though Carol couldn't see her. "I'm not brave, Carol." she said finally. "If I were, I'd still be in Chicago instead of here." She took a deep breath. "If I were as brave as you think I am, I would have gotten off the train and faced it when Mark said that he loved me. I would be with the man that I still love, instead of here alone... facing a holiday of working and paperwork." She took another breath and savagely wiped away the tears that were now creeping down her cheeks. "No, Carol, you're the brave one..." The two women talked for a while longer, until it was obvious that Carol was getting very tired. They said their good-byes and Carol promised to let Susan know the date of the girls' christening as soon as possible. After hanging up the phone, Susan looked at the paperwork in front of her with distaste. She shoved it aside and leaned back into the sofa cushions. She finally gave into the tears that she had fought earlier. She knew that Mark had gone on with his life. She knew that he was involved with another doctor at County. She also knew that she was hopelessly in love with him and nothing was going to change that. Finally, she headed to her bedroom and changed for bed. She climbed in and fell immediately into a restless sleep that left her feeling worse in the morning than she did when she went to bed. UNION
STATION Susan stepped off of the Amtrak, carry-on in hand. She was glad to be off of the train. Chloe had tried to get her to take a plane this time, but, Susan wouldn't hear of it. She still hated flying, and wouldn't do it if it wasn't necessary. The train trip between Phoenix and Chicago was a pleasant one, so a flight was out. However nice it was, though, it was always great to be at the end of the trip... to be able to fully stretch out the muscles that got cramped from sitting in one position too long. She headed into the station towards the baggage claim. She managed to find her bags in a reasonable amount of time and was soon headed towards the exit. She was just about to hail a taxi when she heard her name being called. She turned towards the sound, a smile breaking out when she saw who was standing there. "Mark!" she exclaimed, wanting nothing more than to be able to drop her bags and run to him. However, she was in a very public place, and that wasn't the wisest thing to do, so she waited for him to come to her. She set her stuff down next to her and was soon engulfed in the arms of the man she loved. "God, Susan, it's so great to see you! I've really missed you, you know." Dr. Mark Greene said as he released her. Susan nodded as she reluctantly pulled back. "I know... I've missed you, too." Mark picked up the larger of Susan's bags, and she picked up the other and they headed towards his car. Once they had pulled out into traffic, he asked her where she was staying. "At my parents' house. I'm here through New Year's." she answered. "I haven't taken a vacation since I started at Phoenix General, they decided that they could do without me for a while." "That's great." Mark answered, somewhat distractedly. "So, how are Chloe and Suzie doing?" "Chloe's great... she's pregnant again... due in February. It's a boy this time. She and Joe are going to call him Nathan. Suzie's ecstatic at the idea of being a big sister. She's already decided what she's going to teach him." She paused. "Suzie's a little upset that I won't be there for Christmas this year. But I explained that Gramma and Gramps needed to see me, too, so she accepted it. How are Rachel and Jenn?" "Rachel's great. She spent Thanksgiving with me... and Elizabeth. She cooked. Dad's here, too. He's gonna stay with me for a while." Mark paused. "Jenn's okay... she's really happy with Craig. Happier than she ever was with me. They're expecting their first child in June. Rachel's not too happy about it. I think she's gotten so used to being an only child that she's afraid of someone else taking her place in Jenn's life." "She'll get over it... you know about girls her age and babies. They can't resist them." Susan said by way of reassurance, trying to tamp down the feeling of jealousy she experienced when Mark mentioned Elizabeth. Too soon, they pulled up outside her parents' home. Mark helped her carry her bags inside. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." he said hopefully. "Yeah, I was going to head over to County and see everyone." Susan said with a smile. "Well, okay, then." Mark said, shifting his stance uncomfortably. "I'll be seeing you." He turned and headed for the car. Susan waved as he pulled away, then dropped to the front steps and cried. COOK
COUNTY GENERAL HOSPITAL Susan parked her mother's car in the visitor's parking lot and headed instinctively for the ambulance entrance to the ER. When she had gotten just outside the door, she realized her mistake and turned and headed for the main entrance. Walking through the door, she found herself immediately in the waiting area, full of patients waiting to be seen. Her mind and hands itched to pick up a chart at the nurses' station and jump right in. However, she didn't think that would be looked upon too kindly since she no longer had privileges at Cook County... she given them up 3 years earlier when she decided to transfer her residency to Phoenix General. Instead, she just walked quietly towards the desk to say 'hi' to whomever was there. "Dr. Lewis!" Randi exclaimed. "What are you doing here?" Susan smiled at the receptionist. "Just visiting... Carol's girls' christening... the holiday." she said by way of explanation. "Oh, yeah, right, you're the godmother." Randi stated, snapping her gum in thought. "Dr. Greene's in trauma 2... Carter's in exam 1... Weaver's in trauma 4... and Benton's in trauma 3." she said, naming off the doctor's that Susan would know. "Thanks, Randi." Susan said, heading in the direction of exam 1, knowing that she would be least likely to disturb the case there. "Hey, Dr. Lewis?" Randi called after her. Susan turned to see what the woman wanted. "You want to take a patient or two? Non-acute, of course." "I'd love to, Randi, but I don't have privileges, remember?" Susan replied. Randi nodded and shrugged. Susan continued on her way. She reached exam 1 just as Carter was letting his patient leave. He wrote some notes on the chart then handed the prescription to the patient. As he was preparing to leave, he saw Susan. "Dr. Lewis, welcome back." he exclaimed, engulfing the other doctor in a hug. "Thanks, Carter." Susan said, pulling out of his embrace. "But I'm not back... just on vacation." she corrected him. "Oh, yeah, I know." Carter said. "But, you'll always belong here, so you're back." Susan blushed, "Thanks." The duo walked back towards the nurses' station so that Carter could drop off the chart and grab another. He picked up a chart and handed it to Susan. She looked at him with a question in her eyes. He smiled and explained, "I'm head resident around here these days, so it's okay. Go see what the patient needs. You're one of the best. You can grab a lab coat in the lounge." Susan smiled and headed for the doctor's lounge to grab a jacket. She then headed for chairs. "Gabrielle Carr." she called. Soon a mother carrying an infant girl approached. Susan smiled, "I'm Dr. Lewis, let's get Gabrielle checked out." TWO HOURS LATER No one had objected to Susan's jumping in to help. In fact, they welcomed it. Finally, chairs was cleared out. It was quiet. Susan was just about to suggest that Mark accompany her to Doc Magoo's for some lunch when a British voice behind them called out to him. "Elizabeth." Mark stated flatly, obviously less than happy to see her at that time. The British doctor joined them. "Are you ready?" she asked, ignoring Susan's presence. Susan felt her hackles go up... she already didn't like the other woman. "Just about." Mark answered. "Oh, Elizabeth, this is Dr. Susan Lewis. Susan, Dr. Elizabeth Corday." Elizabeth then turned to look at Susan, a fake smile plastered on her beautiful face. "It's an honor to meet you, Dr. Lewis. Everyone here speaks very highly of you." she said, extending her hand. Susan took the proffered hand and shook it. "Thank you, Dr. Corday. Mark and Carol have told me a lot about you." She paused then turned to Mark. "Well, you two had better get going... you know how the ER is." Mark chuckled, "I know, Suz. See ya tonight at Carol's, right?" Susan nodded. Mark took Elizabeth's hand and the two of them headed to the doctor's lounge to grab their coats. Carter came up behind Susan in time to see her wipe away a tear. "Susan?" he asked. "I was wondering if you'd like to have lunch with Lucy and I?" Susan turned around to see Carter standing with a blonde. "Sure." she answered. "I'd love that." She extended her hand to Lucy. "I'm Susan Lewis." she said. Lucy smiled and took Susan's hand. "Oh, the famous Dr. Lewis. It's a pleasure to meet you. Carter said that if you hadn't left you'd probably have gotten attending here." The three left the ER to head to Doc Magoo's. When they arrived they deliberately took a booth on the opposite side of the restaurant from Mark and Elizabeth. They were soon joined by Haleh Adams and Chuny Marquez. "Don't worry, Dr. Lewis." Chuny said. "He still loves you." Susan looked at the nurse in shock. "Dr. Greene. He still loves you." No one said a word to dispute Chuny's claims, but Haleh nodded slightly. CAROL
HATHAWAY'S HOME A very composed looking Carol opened the door when Susan knocked. Susan engulfed her friend in a hug. "Come in, Susan. It's freezing out there." Carol said, pulling out of the hug. Susan stepped into the warm front room and hung her coat on the coat rack by the door. "So," she said turning to Carol. "Where are my goddaughters?" Carol smiled and led Susan over to a playpen set up in the living room. Inside, sleeping peacefully, were Kate and Tess. "Which is which?" Susan whispered. Carol pointed, "Kate's in the purple, Tess has on the pink." She paused, "And, if you wake them up, I'll have to kill you... I finally got them down ten minutes ago. I haven't even had time to shower and change yet. Would you mind?" Carol asked, gesturing towards the stairs. "Oh, no, of course not. You go get ready. I'll keep an eye on things down here. I think I can handle two sleeping babies...." Carol smiled and headed upstairs. Susan just stood watching the girls sleeping, a wistful smile on her face. LATER The party was in full swing, and rather subdued, everyone conscious of the girls who were now sleeping upstairs. Everyone from County was there... as well as Carol's mother, who was in seventh heaven directing things. Carol joked that if Helen Hathaway didn't have something to organize, she'd go crazy. Mark glanced around the room for the fifth time, still not seeing who he was looking for. He excused himself from the group he was with and headed to where Carol was talking to Luka Kovac. "Carol?" Carol turned to Mark. "Have you seen Susan? I've been looking for her, but she's been gone for a while. She didn't leave, did she?" Carol shook her head. "No, she didn't. Her coat's still on the rack." Luka spoke up. "I think I saw Dr. Lewis going upstairs a few minutes ago. Maybe she went to check on the girls." "Thanks." Mark said as he headed towards the stairs. He checked the girls' room. She wasn't there. He was heading back down past Carol's bedroom when he heard something. Quietly pushing open the door, he saw his best friend lying face down on Carol's bed, her shoulders shaking violently with the sobs that he was hearing. It broke his heart to see Susan so unhappy. Quickly, Mark crossed the room and sat down, gathering Susan into his arms. He stroked her hair and whispered soothing words as she cried. Finally, the sobs subsided and Susan pulled back from his warm embrace. He lifted her chin so that she was looking at him. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked gently. "No." she answered flatly. "Susan, come on, it's me. I haven't seen you cry like that ever... not even when you lost Suzie." Susan grimaced in pain at the memories swirling through her mind, but remained silent. "Susan, please. I hate to see you in pain." "What do you care?" she said savagely. "You've got Elizabeth. Why aren't you downstairs with her?" "Susan, you're my best friend. Of course I care that you're hurting. Elizabeth will have to understand." Susan glared at him. "You broke my heart. You didn't care enough to stop me until it was too late." she said quietly, but with ice in her voice. "I wanted you to stop me... you didn't... you let me walk out of your life... you went on with your life... you have no right to act like I should spill my guts to you." She stood up and walked over to the window. She stared out into the darkness and watched as the swirling snowflakes fell silently to the ground. Savagely she wiped away the tears coursing down her cheeks. Suddenly, she was grabbed in a firm embrace from behind. "Let me go, Mark Greene!" she yelled as she struggled against his grip. He refused to let go. "I said, Let. Me. Go." her hands pummeling uselessly at his locked grip. Finally, she quit struggling and went limp against him. He picked her up and carried her back to Carol's bed and sat her down. "Now, Susan, listen to me." He paused as she averted her eyes to watch the door. "I'm sorry that I didn't try and stop you earlier. I'm sorry that I didn't say anything the night before you left or that day in the ER. I'm sorry that I almost missed you at the Station. I wanted you to stay more than anything. I'd give my life for a chance to go back and make it right, but I can't go back. What I can do is be here for you now." He turned her face towards him. "Susan, something is very wrong with you right now. Otherwise, why would you be up here crying your heart out at a party." He pressed a kiss against her forehead. "Suz, you can talk to me. Please talk to me..." his voice trailed off as he fought tears of his own. Susan just stared at him, an angry mask firmly in place to hide the hurt inside. Mark pulled her into his arms again and kissed her hair. "Susan, don't you know that I love you? That I've always loved you? Even with Jenn, somewhere inside, I was fighting my feelings for you." He kissed her hair again. "Sweetheart, talk to me. It's eating you up inside... you've got to let it out. I want to help." He felt her relax against him and could feel the tears soaking his shirt again. He just rocked and held her close like he would with Rachel until she stopped crying. Finally, she stopped and took a deep, shuddering breath. She pulled back slightly, then lowered her head so that her hair hid her eyes and began, her voice shaky and uncertain. "It's something that I've never told anyone. Seeing Carol's girls tonight... Carol looking so happy. It brought up memories that I thought I had buried... that I had dealt with long ago." She paused, took another deep breath, and went on. "Not even my parents or Chloe know what happened." She pulled her head up to look at Mark... there was a question in his eyes, but he smiled and nodded for her to continue. She pulled completely out of his arms and stood up, walked to the window and stared out before going on. "It was my junior year in college... I was so in love with a guy from my biology study group, a senior. We went out for months. A few weeks after we broke up, I found out that I was pregnant. I was totally shocked. I mean we were always so careful... at least I thought we were. After I warmed up to the idea, I told Jake. He was furious... he told me to get rid of the baby. I, of course, refused. I was going to have the baby and raise it on my own. He didn't have to have anything to do with it." Another deep breath filled her lungs. "One night..., I was working late in the lab, I was almost 4 months along then. I started having cramps..." she paused... and started crying again. Mark went over to her and put his arm around her. "And then a gush of blood, there was blood everywhere... it hurt so badly, I could barely breath.... I was able to get myself over to the phone in the lab and called campus security. They rushed me to the hospital, but it was too late... my baby girl was gone. I spent the next day in the hospital, then the next week in bed. No one knew what happened... Everyone thought I had a very bad case of the flu. Most of all, Jake never knew... I couldn't bring myself to tell him that he had gotten his wish. His child was dead." Susan buried her face in Mark's chest... "I had never been so alone in my life... I almost killed myself that spring... every time I closed my eyes, I... I saw blood... I heard my daughter crying and I couldn't get to her. I had all of the pills and I almost took them. Something stopped me, though." She lifted her head and looked at him for a moment. "But I never told anyone, until... until now." She lowered her face back to his chest and cried some more. "My god, Susan, I had no idea!" Mark gasped, stroking the back of her head and rocking her gently. "I'm glad you told me. No one should ever have to carry something like that alone." "You weren't supposed to have any idea... no one was." Susan said quietly, her voice muffled by his shirt. She moved back to the bed and sat down on the edge, taking a deep breath to compose herself. "I spent the next year mad at everyone... Jake, my parents, Chloe, but most of all, mad at myself. I must have done something wrong, someone must have been punishing me... But why did the punishment have to include the life of an innocent child... a child who would never see the sunshine... never play on the swings... never go to school, fall in love... never be?" The enormity of her loss hit her like a ton of bricks again, and she began crying... heartrending sobs of a mother that would never know her child.... Mark gathered her back into his arms... this was tearing him apart as much as it was Susan, but he was determined to stay strong for her... she needed him to. "What did I do wrong?" she managed to choke out. "It's my fault my baby's dead, I know it is." "And by what stretch of logic did you reach that conclusion, Dr. Lewis?" Mark asked gently. "It must have been my fault... I'm the one who was carrying the baby. I'm the one who was responsible for her safety." She looked up at him, expecting to see condemnation in his eyes. She didn't. Mark smiled at her and pulled her closer. "Oh, god, Susan, you know that's not true. Sweetheart, you weren't responsible for what happened." Mark said softly against her hair. "You know that sometimes things like that just happen..." Susan nodded against him. "Intellectually--yes, I do know... but, emotionally, Mark, that's another thing all together." Mark didn't answer her. He just held her tighter and kissed her hair. Finally, Susan had composed herself completely and pulled out of his arms. She stood up and headed for Carol's bathroom to repair the damage. Returning to the bedroom where Mark was still waiting, she laughed sarcastically. "Why didn't you tell me that I looked like death warmed over?" Mark smiled, "Susan Lewis, you're the most beautiful woman that I know... even when your eyes are all splotchy and red." Susan smiled... a genuine smile this time. "You're just saying that, Mark Greene. Don't try and flatter me. I'm a realist, remember?" "Yeah, I know. C'mon, let's go back downstairs before Carol sends out the search party." Susan nodded and headed towards the bedroom door. Reaching it, she started to open it when she pulled up short. "Mark, did you really say that you loved me earlier?" she asked shyly, not sure if she really heard him in the middle of her emotional distress. Mark nodded, "Yes, Sweetheart, I did... and I'll say it again. Susan Rhianne Lewis, I love you!" He moved to where she stood, a mixture of shock and happiness on her face. Susan looked up at him, tears shining in her brown eyes. "You... you're not just saying that? You really mean it?" she asked, a small note of doubt in her voice. Mark suppressed the urge to laugh, he didn't want her to think that he was laughing at her. Instead, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her... this time on the lips. "Does that answer your question, Sweetheart?" he asked with a chuckle. "Mmm-hmm." Susan murmured before pulling his face back down to hers. The kiss got more intense. Susan's lips parted to give Mark's tongue access. Her own exploring the dark cavern of his mouth. She moaned against his lips, and he increased his hold on her. Her hands came up of their own accord to wind themselves in the hair at the nape of his neck. "Watch it, I can't stand to lose any more of that." Mark said against her lips. Susan smiled and deepened the kiss. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door behind them. They pulled apart quickly, gasping for breath. "Susan, Mark? Are you in there?" Carol's voice on the other side of the door asked. The pair looked at each other almost guiltily, like two teenagers who had been caught by their parents. Susan shrugged and pulled open the door. Carol was holding Kate in her arms, a knowing smile spreading across her face. "Uhm, Mark, you might want to..." She gestured at her mouth. "I really don't think that shade is you." Mark blushed and headed for the bathroom while Susan followed Carol back to the girls' room and picked up Tess, who was fussing. "It's okay, Sweetie." she crooned to the tiny girl. "I've got you." Susan didn't notice Carol and Kate leave the room, or Mark slip in behind her. She felt two arms go around her waist. "Are you okay?" he asked in a low voice. Susan nodded. Mark tenderly wiped a tear away from her cheek. "It will happen, you know. Someday." She turned and looked at him, a question in her eyes. "You'll make a wonderful mother, Susan. You look so right holding Tess, it will happen...." Susan didn't answer. She was content to just stand in his embrace for a moment. Finally, she handed the baby to him, grabbed a tissue off of the changing table and used the mirror to repair her lipstick. Mark smiled and handed Tess back to her when she was ready. "Let's go downstairs, Mark, this little one is hungry and I'm afraid that I don't have what she needs right now." Susan said with a laugh. They left the room, Mark's hand drifting instinctively to the small of her back to guide her down the hallway. LATER STILL The party had wound down. Only Mark, Susan, Luka, and Elizabeth were left at Carol's. Elizabeth was in the kitchen helping Mrs. Hathaway clean up, and Luka was upstairs with Carol putting the girls back to bed. Mark and Susan were sitting on the sofa in the living room, not touching, but still basking in each other's presence. They had barely touched since coming back downstairs earlier. Neither one wanted to make a scene or hurt Elizabeth. "Susan," Mark began, breaking the silence. "I know that you might think that this is moving too fast, but I want you to come to my place tonight. I don't think you should drive all the way back to your parents' tonight." He decided to shroud his request in concern for her. "What about Elizabeth?" Susan asked. "She picked me up, we drove her car." he answered. "No, I mean *what* about Elizabeth?" she reiterated. "Oh. I guess I need to talk to her." Susan nodded. "Go with her tonight. Talk to her. She needs to hear this from you." She paused and leaned in for a quick kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow at the christening." She stood up as Luka and Carol returned to the ground floor. "Carol, I've got to go... it's a long drive back to my parents' house." Carol looked at her with a question. Susan shook her head and gestured towards the kitchen door, just as Elizabeth was emerging from that room. Carol nodded in understanding. "I'll see you tomorrow at the church. I'll be there early." Susan said, hugging her friend. She then moved to the door to get her coat and left the house, looking back as she reached the car in time to see Mark and Elizabeth exit with Luka right behind. Mark and Elizabeth got in Elizabeth's car and pulled away from the curb. Susan closed her eyes for a moment before starting the car. She then noticed that Luka was heading towards the El station. She pulled up next to him. "Dr. Kovac, can I offer you a ride home?" she asked. "It's late and getting colder by the minute." Luka smiled and gratefully accepted Susan's offer. They pulled away into the night. ST.
ANTHONY'S CHURCH Susan Lewis parked her car in the lot next to Mark's. She smiled, he was already there. Getting out, she smoothed down her burgundy wool skirt and straightened the matching jacket. She then walked into the church. As she exited the foyer into the sanctuary, she could see Carol and her mother down at the front talking to the priest, and Mark sitting in the front pew holding one of the girls. She smiled and headed down the aisle. Carol looked up and saw Susan's approach, "Good, Susan, you're here. The priest wants to go over some last minute details with all of us." Susan sat down next to Mark and picked up the other girl, whom she could now see was Kate. Carol had made sure that their christening bonnets and gowns used either pink or purple ribbons to differentiate the girls for those who hadn't quite gotten the knack of telling them apart. The priest came over and gave the last minute instructions to all of those involved with the ceremony, which was scheduled to start at 3. It would be attended only by family and close friends, so even though many of those in attendance would be from County, it wouldn't be like the party of the night before, where all of Carol's friends from the ER were invited. Carol and her mother took the girls to the back for a last check of diapers, etc., and the priest went back to his office, leaving Susan and Mark alone in the sanctuary. Susan put her hand on Mark's arm. "So, how did it go last night?" she asked gently. Mark looked at her and half-smiled. "It went okay... though not as well as I had hoped." He paused and took Susan's hand in his own. "Elizabeth was really upset. She's in love with me... totally. I tried to fall in love with her... I really did. I almost succeeded, too. But a part of me could never love her... there would have been a part that she couldn't touch. I think she understands that now. Susan, you came back into my life... that part of my heart has always belonged to you. It's yours if you want it... along with the rest." Susan hurt for Mark. She knew that he had tried to love Elizabeth, she knew that he'd never willingly lead Elizabeth on. He was an honest man. "Is she going to be here today?" Mark nodded. "Carol and Elizabeth became quite good friends, especially after Doug left. We all took turns looking out for her. In fact, Liz is the one that diagnosed twins." LATER The christening went beautifully, as did the dinner party hosted by Carol's uncle. Carol was an only child, but she had lots of cousins, so there were lots of children running around. In the after-dinner pandemonium, Elizabeth had pulled Susan aside to talk. "I just want Mark to be happy." she said with sadness in her voice. "And I know that you can make him happy." "Elizabeth..." Susan began to interrupt, but Elizabeth held up a hand. "No, I need to say this. I love Mark with all of my heart, but I know he couldn't give me all of his. Part belongs to you. I really do wish you all of the luck in the world. Be happy, Susan... together." With that Elizabeth rushed off with tears running down her face. Susan didn't see her again the rest of the evening, she must have left early. Mark leaned over and kissed Susan on the cheek, bringing her out of her thoughts. "What's the matter, Sweetheart?" "Nothing... just thinking about what Elizabeth said earlier." Susan replied. "Let's go home." Mark nodded and got in the passenger's seat of Susan's car, since after the christening, they had dropped his off at his apartment building. Susan got in the driver's side and started the engine. They drove to his place, Mark didn't know what to expect. Susan got out of the car and followed him up to the apartment. Mark unlocked the door and let her in. She looked around with a smile. It was so familiar, yet so different. The atmosphere was different, it was so distinctly Mark. "I thought your father was staying with you..." she said, remembering what he had said the day he picked her up at the station. "He is... just not tonight. Rachel had a Christmas program last night and Dad went to it, so he's staying the weekend at Jenn's." "Oh. And you didn't get to go?" Susan asked concerned that Mark was upset about it. "Not this time. I had someplace equally important to be. I talked to Rachel, she said that she understood and was happy that she'd get some time alone with her grandfather." They stood in awkward silence, not sure what to expect from the evening. "Can... can I get you something to drink?" Mark finally asked. Susan nodded. "Make yourself at home." he said as he headed towards the kitchen. Susan went into the living room and dropped onto the sofa. She pulled off the burgundy jacket and laid it over the arm, leaving only her black tank top on. She also pulled off her heels and set them next to the end of the sofa. "I've got milk, iced tea, lemonade, beer, or I can make some coffee." Mark called from the kitchen. "Iced tea would be wonderful." Susan called back. Actually, she'd really rather have had a beer, but she wanted to be in complete control of her faculties for the evening. A few moments later, Mark returned carrying two glasses of iced tea. He handed one to her and she took a sip. They sat in silence for a few minutes while they both drank their tea. Finally, Susan set hers down on the coffee table and turned to Mark. "So?" she asked quietly. "So." Mark echoed as he set his own glass down and turned to meet her gaze. After another moment of awkward silence, Susan laughed. "This is ridiculous, Mark. This is us. I'm still your best friend, your still mine. Nothing will change that... if we choose to change our relationship or not, we're still who we've always been." Mark breathed a sigh of relief. "You're right, Susan... it's still us." He leaned over and lowered his lips to hers. She wound her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her. Slowly, he lowered her so that she was now laying on the sofa, his body covering hers. The kiss deepened, his tongue demanding entrance to her mouth by tracing the seam of her lips. She moaned deep in her throat and opened her mouth for him. Meanwhile, her hands hadn't remained content at his neck, they were moving almost on their own across his back. Susan moved her hands down to the waistband of his trousers and slowly untucked his shirt so that she could run her hands up under the material against his bare skin. Mark moaned at her touch and finally broke the kiss allowing them both to take in much-needed oxygen. He smiled at her and she returned it with a seductive smile of her own. Mark stood up and held out his hand to her, she took it with a smile, also standing up. He began to lead her towards the bedroom, reaching the door, he stopped. "Are you sure about this, Susan? You can still say no." Susan looked up and whispered, "Why would I want to say no? I've wanted this for so long." Mark smiled and pushed open the door and led her inside, both losing clothing as they made their way to the bed. Mark caught his breath. "Susan Lewis, you are so beautiful." Mark took a moment to appreciate her before dropping onto the bed and pulling her down after him. "You have no idea how many nights you've haunted my dreams like this." Susan smiled, "So you dream about me? Care to show me...." Her voice trailed off as Mark claimed her lips as his own, his hands exploring her body... and hers, his. Their coming together was long and slow and mostly silent except for the occasional murmur of 'I love you' from one or the other. "I knew it would be like this." Mark whispered as they laid together after, arms and legs still entwined. "That *you* would be like this." He fell silent for a moment and then whispered again, "You don't have any regrets about all this do you?" She could hear a note of doubt in his voice. "Regrets? None. I've dreamed about this forever... it was even better than my dreams." Susan said, raising herself up on one arm so she could look into Mark's eyes. "You don't have any regrets, do you?" "With you, never. Susan, we've waited too long for me to have regrets. If I had gotten my head out of my ass sooner, we would have done this a long time ago." He paused. "Susan, I made a mistake three years ago when I let you leave. I don't intend to regret a moment of the time we have together." Susan leaned down and dropped a feather-light kiss on his lips. "I don't intend to have any regrets either." She smiled seductively down at him as he pulled her back down to the mattress and all thoughts of talking were lost in the flurry of activity that followed. When she woke up the next morning, it took Susan a moment to remember where she was and why there was an arm around her waist. Then she turned in Mark's grasp and smiled. He was still asleep and that was fine with her. She could watch him sleep. It was amazing the transformation that people underwent when they were asleep, and Mark was no exception. The worry lines were smoothed out and he looked younger... more innocent somehow. "Good morning, Sweetheart." a sleepy voice broke into her reverie. Susan smiled, leaned in and kissed him, "Good morning." PHOENIX-SKY
HARBOR INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT Susan was waiting not-so-patiently at gate D-35, where they had just announced that Mark's flight from Chicago had landed and would be disembarking shortly. It had been three weeks since she'd gotten back on the train for Phoenix, this time, though, was different. She had to return to Phoenix, but she was going to give her notice. She wanted to stay in Phoenix until after Chloe had the baby, then she was moving home to Chicago... this time for good. She didn't have a job lined up, but between Chicago Hope, Mercy, and County, as well as the hospitals in the surrounding areas, she was sure she could find a placement somewhere. Finally, the flight attendants were opening the doors to the causeway. Soon passengers were streaming out into the waiting embraces of their loved ones. Susan watched until she spotted the one person she was waiting for. With a smile, she moved to where he could see her. Mark's eyes lit up when he saw Susan waiting for him. He hurried as quickly as he could in the traffic jam of passengers until he was at her side. Dropping his carry-on bag, he pulled her into his arms and took her breath away with a kiss. "I've missed you." he murmured as he released her. "That's funny... I didn't miss you at all." Susan answered with a teasing smile. Mark put on a mock-hurt face. "I'm just kidding. This has been the longest three weeks of my life. I had gotten used to waking up with you next to me, and falling asleep in your arms. I haven't slept very well without you." Susan said as she leaned into another kiss. "As much fun as this is, Sweetheart." Mark said when they broke apart again. "What do you say we go get my bags and take this someplace a little more private?" "Hmmm, are you propositioning me, Doctor?" Susan said with a seductive smile. Mark pulled his carry-on strap over one arm and slipped the other one around Susan's waist to head for luggage claim. SUSAN
LEWIS' APARTMENT "Good morning, Sleepyhead. Breakfast's ready." Mark said as he leaned down and kissed Susan gently. "Mmmm, a girl could get used to waking up this way." Susan said sleepily as she opened her eyes halfway. "Well, that is the idea, Dr. Lewis." Mark said with a smile before leaning down and kissing her again. "I'll see you in the dining room in a few..." Mark turned and headed out the door. Susan smiled and got out of bed. Standing up, she had to steady herself as a wave of nausea hit her. Meanwhile in the kitchen, Mark put on a kettle to boil water for tea, knowing Susan liked tea with her breakfast on her days off. She drank coffee when she had to work. A few minutes later, Susan came out of the bedroom wearing Mark's shirt. He turned when he heard her, and rushed over to her side. "Sweetheart, are you all right? You're white as a sheet." He led her back to the bedroom and sat her down on the bed. "Thank you." Susan said quietly. "I think I'm coming down with the flu. I haven't felt too well for the last few days." "Why didn't you call me? I could have postponed my trip until you were feeling better." Mark said, concerned about her. Susan shook her head, "No way. We've been apart too long as it is." She laid down on the bed, "I'll be all right... just need to rest for a bit longer." Mark reluctantly agreed. He knew Susan... she had the tendency to push herself too hard. She'd go to work sick if someone didn't keep an eye on her. "I'll just go get you some tea, maybe it will help." Susan nodded and snuggled into her pillow, as Mark left the room. A few minutes later, Mark returned carrying a cup of tea. She smiled and took it from him. She drank a little before setting it down on the bedside table. Mark joined her on the bed, "So, Dr. Lewis, what would you like to do today after you're rested?" "Uhm, I don't know. I was thinking..." Susan's voice trailed off as she scrambled out of bed and headed for the bathroom. Mark followed her and saw her kneeling in front of the toilet, emptying her stomach. He sat down next to her and put his arm on hers. She sat up and smiled weakly. "I guess my stomach wasn't ready for the tea yet." she quipped. Mark smiled sympathetically and got a wet washcloth to wipe her face. He got down next to her, held her hair out of the way, and rubbed her back as she continued with the dry heaves. "I haven't seen retching like that since Carol...." He stopped mid-sentence and stared at her. "Oh, my god, you're..." He had to stop again and swallowed hard. "You're pregnant, aren't you?" "No!" Susan answered quickly, "I couldn't be... we've been careful..." She thought for a second, her eyes getting big, "Except for the first time... oh, my god, I could be... I'm late... I'm never late..." she trailed off, glancing at him, worried about what he'd think. "Obviously, it was that proverbial one time." he grinned, looking like a kid opening a Christmas package. "Which means all of the times we were careful was like locking the barn after the horse escaped. And if you're waiting for me to look upset or unhappy or disappointed..." He stopped and put his hand on her abdomen, "This kid will be graduated college." He stood up. "Come on, let's get you into bed and we'll talk about it some more." He tenderly lifted her from the floor, keeping his arm across her back and helped her into the bedroom, then tucked her back into bed. "And before you say anything, let me make my position perfectly clear: I am wonderfully, deliriously, ecstatically happy." He leaned down and kept her from replying with a long and passionate kiss. "I love you, Susan Lewis...." Susan looked up at him with a look of love in her eyes, that dissolved into fear. "Mark, I'm scared. What if this turns out the same way my first pregnancy did? I don't think I could survive that again." "We're not going to let that happen." he told her firmly. "We're going to see that you take extra good care of yourself, including getting a lot of rest. Besides, you did an OB rotation just like I did, you know that one miscarriage doesn't equal having another and it was a long time ago. Your body has matured since then." He pulled up the hem of her shirt and placed a soft kiss in the center of her bare belly. "We're going to take real good care of this little person, and its mother." He pushed her hair back from her face, his fingers trying to smooth out the worried look on her face. "But there are no guarantees." Susan said before getting up quickly, and running to the bathroom again. A few moments later, she came out looking very pale and green. "This is very different than last time, I didn't have morning sickness this bad." Seeing the look on his face, "I'll be okay, Mark. I just need some rest... I didn't get a whole lot last night." she said with a mischievous smile. He held his arms to her. "Then get over here... and this time I'll make sure we rest." He pulled her into his arms, urging her head down on his shoulder and stroked her hair soothingly. "Sweetheart, if you relax, the sickness may ease some. In the meantime, you let me know what I can do." "Just hold me right now." Susan murmured into his shoulder. "I need to feel your arms around me... when I'm with you everything just feels right. Having you near takes some of the fear away." She yawned, "Everything has to be all right this time... I wouldn't be able to handle it... and neither would you..." Susan snuggled further down into Mark's arms and closed her eyes, with a sigh. "I'll always be there for you... for both of you.... for the rest of our lives." he whispered in a fervent promise. "Starting with when you see the OB later." She opened her eyes as if about to protest and he covered her mouth with a soft kiss. "Proper pre-natal care, remember? But right now you're going to rest and I'm going to stay right with you. When you're feeling better we'll go to the hospital and see who's on." THREE HOURS LATER Mark leaned over and roused Susan, "Hey, Sweetheart, think you can make it to the hospital?" "Hmmm, Mark?" Susan asked sleepily. She opened her eyes and smiled. "Wow, I needed that." She got up slowly to test her stomach's resolve... no nausea. "Well, I guess it is truly morning sickness, now I'm fine... and famished. What do you say we stop and grab something to eat on the way to the hospital?" He nodded, and both got dressed. After picking up sandwiches at the local deli, they arrived at the hospital and headed for OB. Dr. Chapin was on, the head of the department... one of the best, and as luck would have it, she had an opening right away. "Well, Dr. Lewis, let's draw the labs and get you examined." she said. "Okay." Susan answered, holding on to Mark's hand for dear life... she absolutely hated needles when they were aimed at her. After drawing the blood, Dr. Chapin sent it 'rush' to the lab, and did a quick examination. "Well, Susan, you look healthy... I assume I can have access to your records?" "Yes." Susan answered tentatively, knowing that the account of her first pregnancy would be in there. She took a deep breath and looked at Mark, who squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Dr. Chapin, I have to tell you that this is not my first pregnancy." "I thought as much from the exam." Dr. Chapin answered. "But you didn't deliver..." "No, I miscarried at 4 months...." Susan answered. "Well, as you know, there is a risk of miscarriage again, especially during the first trimester. But you're healthy and I don't anticipate any problems, if you do what's right for both of you." Just then the phone rang, "Dr. Chapin... yes... thank you." she hung up. "Well, Doctors, I'd say congratulations are definitely in order. From what you've told me, I'd say you're about 6 weeks pregnant. Everything looks good, I'll give you a prescription for prenatal vitamins and some information about how to deal with problems like morning sickness...." Susan grimaced, "I've had practical experience with that this morning." "Well, the info will have ways to deal with it. You'll need to make an appointment for next month... and we'll go from there." she said leaving the room. Susan smiled, "Mark, we're going to have a baby." she said with a soft smile as she looked down at her flat abdomen. "I guess so." he sighed, unable to keep his hand from caressing where the new life was growing, and kissing her at the same time. "Susan Lewis, we made a baby!" he grinned, the total reality setting in, and he stood between her legs where she sat on the exam table, pulling her upper body against his chest and resting her forehead against his shoulder, stroking the back of her head. "You and I made a baby, and I've never been more happy." Susan raised her head so that their lips met, and kissed him passionately. With an interesting gleam in her eyes, she said in a very seductive voice, "Dr. Greene, I think you should know that the hormones of pregnancy do have some interesting side effects." Seeing the answering sparkle in his eyes, she laughed, pushed him away and hopped off of the examination table. "Okay, Mark, you can turn around while I get dressed." He laughed, but obliged, she pulled her clothes on quickly then tapped him on the shoulder. "Let's get out of here..." He smiled and then hugged her close. "By the way what was that 'turn around while I get dressed' for? It's not like I haven't seen it all..." Susan laughed, "Humor me, Mark. I get weird when I'm pregnant." A sad look flitted across her face momentarily, but disappeared as quickly as it came. "Let's leave now, before my chief decides that I should be working." She headed for the door, "Besides, I'm hungry." Seeing the 'again?' look in his eyes, "Humor me, Mark... I'm carrying your child, remember?" "You are, aren't you? Carrying my child that is?" He grinned at the thought. He took her hand to lead her out the nearest exit. "Here's something to think about." he said as they walked down the sunny street, swinging their joined hands. "There is no way to fit a crib, and all the other stuff a baby needs into my tiny apartment. There's barely room enough for us in there. We need to start thinking about something bigger." "I managed it when I had Suzie." Susan answered, a shadow flicked across her face, as it always did when she thought about the niece who was more of a daughter to her. "But you're right, we need a place that's ours, not yours, not used to be mine... ours." "Yes, you did" he agreed. "But stubbing my toe on a crib leg on my way to the bathroom at 2 AM is not my idea of a good time. And speaking of a good time, how can you and I enjoy ourselves if the little one is sleeping 3 feet away? No, the baby needs its own room, with a very sensitive baby monitor, of course." He stopped short, pulling her up as well with their joined hands. "My god, Susan, I'm going to be a father again. That is so incredible!" He kissed her in the middle of the sidewalk. "Thank you. I love you." "You know what's scarier, Honey? I'm gonna be a mother!" Susan laughed. "And why are you thanking me... I didn't do it alone, you know. I seem to remember someone else involved that night." They headed for the park across from where they were walking and Susan sat on a swing, and Mark stood behind her and pushed it gently, to make sure he didn't make her nauseous. They stayed that way for a while until a little girl got impatient and wanted the swing. Susan got up and they wandered to a bench, "Mark, I love you... I'm glad you're the father of my baby." She leaned over and kissed him passionately. He ran his hand across her stomach as he returned the kiss. "No, you didn't do it alone, but still I thank you. Thank you for coming back to me for starters, thank you for wanting to begin again, and most of all thank you for loving me" he smiled. PIERRE'S Susan was staring out over the restaurant. She had been rather subdued all day... it was Mark's last. He'd be returning to Chicago the next day on the 10 AM flight. "Susan?" Mark said. He got no response from his dinner companion. "Susan!" he said louder. "Hunh?" Susan finally responded. "I'm sorry, Mark. What were you saying?" "Where were you just now?" he asked gently. "Nowhere really. Just thinking." she replied. "This is our last night...." "I know, Sweetheart. But it's only for a little while longer. You'll be home in a month." "One month too long." Susan said dryly. "Chloe needs you right now...." Mark said, trying to help. "She's due in a week, right?" Susan nodded, and pushed her food around on the plate, seemingly finding her chicken suddenly fascinating. Mark decided to change the subject. He pulled a box out of his jacket pocket. "Susan?" he began. She looked up at him. He opened the box to reveal a stunning ring. There was a diamond solitaire in the middle flanked on one side by a smaller emerald, and on the other a sapphire... representing their birth months. She gasped, "Mark, it's... it's beautiful!" she exclaimed. Mark smiled, "Susan Rhianne Lewis, would you do me the extreme honor of becoming my wife?" Susan's smile faded into a frown. "You... you aren't just asking because of the baby, are you?" Mark sighed, "Susan, you know me better than that. I'm thrilled about the baby. But, if I were only asking because of the baby, I wouldn't have carried this ring across country from Chicago before I knew about it." He paused and smiled. "Sweetheart, I was planning to do this when I arrived. That you are carrying my baby is just an added bonus." He stood up and crossed around to her. "If you'd like, I'll do this properly." He got down on one knee in front of her chair, took the ring and slipped it onto her left ring finger. "Sweetheart, marry me... please!" Tears ran down Susan's face as she nodded. "Yes, Mark, I'll marry you." He stood up and pulled her up into a kiss that had the other customers around gawking... before breaking into a round of applause. Pulling apart, the pair looked around them sheepishly. Their waiter appeared with an offer of dessert on the house. They smiled and accepted. COOK
COUNTY GENERAL HOSPITAL "I can't do this anymore, Mark." Susan said weakly. She been in labor for almost 30 hours now, and was totally exhausted emotionally and physically. Mark smiled at his wife. "Yes, you can, Sweetheart. A few more good pushes and our baby will be in your arms." "Here we go." an OB nurse said, looking at the fetal heart-rate monitor. "Okay, Susan, I want you to push for the count of ten.... Now!" Dr. Coburn said. "1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10!" the nurse counted out. "Good, Susan. Relax for a minute." Dr. Coburn instructed. "You're doing good, Sweetheart." Mark said encouragingly as her kissed his wife's forehead. "It won't be long now." Susan just smiled half-heartedly. Another contraction started... more pushing. "Good, I can see the head, Susan! I want you to push again...." Dr. Coburn said. "Okay, the head's out!" The nurse handed her a bulb suction so that she could clean out the baby's nose and mouth. "Okay, Susan, last push!" "C'mon, Sweetheart. Push!" Mark ordered. Susan pushed hard and the shoulders were free... the baby slid from her body and she collapsed exhausted against the pillows. "It's a boy!" Dr. Coburn announced. "A healthy, beautiful boy...." Mark squeezed Susan's hand and leaned down and kissed her forehead. "A son, Susan. We have a son!" "Dad, do you want to cut the cord?" Mark nodded, "I'll be right back, Sweetheart." Mark cut the umbilical cord and the nurse handed him his son. He carried the baby to the head of the bed and placed him in Susan's arms. "Susan, meet your son...." Susan smiled at the tiny child in her arms. "He's beautiful, Mark!" "Yes, he is." Mark replied, "And, you're beautiful! You've made me complete, Susan Rhianne Greene." The nurse took the baby to clean him up and get his measurements. Mark sat on the edge of the bed and put his arm around Susan's shoulders. "I can't imagine my life without you in it...." Susan leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed. A few minutes later, the nurse came back with their son. "7 pounds, 11 ounces, 22 inches long." she announced as she handed him to Mark. Another nurse came and helped Susan get cleaned up and soon the family was moved into another room. Susan drifted into an exhausted but happy sleep listening to her husband talk to their son. "I wish your grandfather was able to meet you." HOME
OF DOUG AND CAROL ROSS Carol had just gotten her 10-month-old daughters down for their afternoon nap when the phone rang. Rushing into the living room, she answered it before the machine picked up. "Ross Residence." "Carol? It's Susan!" "Susan, how are you?" "Tired... a little sore... deliriously happy." Susan answered. "You have a godson!" "Oh, Susan, I'm so happy for you! What's his name?" "David Alexander Greene, Jr... for his grandfather." Susan answered. "I wish he had lived to see him." she said, fingering the strand of pearls that she wore around her neck. "I know, Susan... but now he'll always be watching out for little David." Carol said quietly. "How's Rachel taking it?" "She's a little wary... not only does she have a new brother, but she's also got Craig and Jenn's daughter. I think she's feeling a little replaced right now. Mark talked to her while I was asleep... she's coming down to see us this weekend...." "I'll keep my fingers crossed. She'll come around, though...." "I know...." Susan sighed. "Oh, did you hear about Elizabeth?" she asked, changing the subject. "No, what?" Carol replied, curious. "She's engaged... to Dr. Charles Cameron." "You mean the one who wanted to recruit her for Rush?" Carol asked. "Yep, the very same. Dr. Romano is heart-broken..." ~~Finis~~ More Notes: This story is also loving dedicated to Amanda Katherine. 'Manda Kat, you saved my life... literally. It's also for Shelley, who let me share her pain when she lost her little one. Shelley, I love you... and rejoice with you in the birth of your daughter! May she always be a blessing to you... |
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