3 / 15 / 2004
Last night was a pretty rough night. We knew that Ruby would have to grieve before she could accept us, but we weren't quite prepared for how intense and constant it could be. She can put a lot of might into being upset! It's hard to watch and not feel as if you are doing something wrong. We try to keep reminding ourselves that it's not personal. In some ways it's good because it's a sign she has attached to someone. She did have a nanny at the orphanage. She didn't sleep for more than an hour at a time. I don't think Julie slept at all. Le Le wanted to be held and not left in the crib. We gave up on the crib at about 10:30. She also keeps wailing and reaching for the door as if to say "let me out of here!" It's heartbreaking at times. She seems to feel panicked and just plain miserable. She does have a cold and the rubbing of her ears might mean a new intervention. Tonight should be another rough one.
Ruby has Mongolian Spots. We've read about them, but we had never seen them before. Her bottom, back and shoulders look severely bruised, although they are not. We think she will outgrow them, but we'll have to learn more now that we know she has them. It's pretty scary seeing them for the first time. It you didn't know otherwise, you would assume a bad case of child abuse. We will have the condition documented with her pediatrician. The irony is that we would surely hope that anyone seeing a child in this condition would report us for child abuse. Some of it will be visible in a swimsuit so we might get some difficult reactions.
Today was the official adoption paperwork for China. We started at the Civil Affairs office. The Director of Civil Affairs asked us why we wanted to adopt a Chinese baby, what could we provide for her, and if we would promise to care for her and never abandon her. Of course we said we would always love her and care for her. We signed several documents and put our thumbprints on them, and they put Ruby's footprint on them. We then went to the Notary office to have our documents notarized. The Notary asked the same group of questions. We think that Ruby is know ours in the eyes of the Chinese govt. Later this week we will get Ruby's Chinese passport, and then we will be free to leave Fuzhou for Guangzhou.
Several families wanted to get water and supplies before we headed back to the hotel so we went to Wal-Mart. Yes, that's right, even here in China you can't escape Wal-Mart. In the index of the recent issue of Harpers, it said that 10% of all exports from China end up for sale at Wal-Mart. Here it was a multi-story building in downtown Fuzhou. We got more water ,cokes, baby bottles and snacks for Ruby. She seems to be an "outside" kind of girl as she cannot stand being in enclosed places like the bus, the elevator, or even the hotel room. Julie strolled outside with Ruby during the shopping trip. This was not a happy morning for the little darling.
Ruby was upset for most of the day. When we got back to the hotel the orphanage staff was here. We got Ruby back to the room, and I went down to Richard's room to pay our fees and ask some questions of the orphanage staff. Richard is our agency's facilitator in China. He does a great job and has excellent English. The Guangze orphanage had said they could use a washing machine. It's common for families to go together and donate a big gift to their child's orphanage. We donated $100, as did Wendy. Since there were only two families from Guangze one of the other families also donated $25 which was very nice. After we paid our fees Richard, Wendy, the orphanage staff and I went to a large department store to buy a washer and dryer. They will take them back on the train with them to Guangze. The machines were much smaller than the machines in the States. We hope they will be a big help.
When we got back to the hotel, Julie was at her wits end. Nothing she could do would console Ruby and the lack of sleep was taking a toll. I put Ruby into her carrying pack and went for a 2 hour walk with her so Julie could get a break. Our hotel, the Lakeside, is on a small lake with a park in the middle of it. I walked all around the park and then around the lake. If you've ever really wanted to stand out in public try being a Caucasian male walking around a Chinese city with a Chinese daughter! Lot's of stares which I expected. We think most people who know about the adoptions have a positive outlook on it.
When I got back Julie was still sleeping. She got up and showered, and I held Ruby while she and Mom played peek-a-boo with the shower curtain. We got our first brief smile from her. It was fleeting, however. I walked her around outside so Julie could get a head start on dinner, although that didn't work out. It's going to be a challenge managing to feed ourselves until Ruby relaxes a little. At dinner, Ruby actually sat at the table with Julie for awhile and let her feed her with chopsticks. We've been having 50-50 success with her bottles so it was good to get some more food in her. We know she has a cold and isn't feeling well in addition to the emotional trauma. The orphanage staff tells us that she is very afraid of strangers. This transition is probably going to be a tough one for her. Flights, bus rides, moving hotels, and then coming home probably compounds the problem for her. We are going to give her some Benadryl tonight and see if it helps her get a good night sleep. We hope it does.
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Left: Julie and Ruby at Civil Affairs Below Left and right : Signing papers at the Civil Affairs |
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Left : The Director of Civil Affairs signing papers Below left and right : At the Notary office |
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