Thank you so much for welcoming me into your Santa circle yesterday. Since I didn't have a proper Santa suit to wear (only a red hat I had gotten from Chuck P. at one of his readings at Powells and a red sweater), I had only intended on taking some photos at your Sat. market convergence. But when one of you invited me to join you on your rampage, I figured it would be OK even though I wasn't wearing a more "official" Santa suit. And it was the best decision I made all day.

Thank you for the jello shots...thank you for the sips of whatever delicious flavored martini was in that flask...thank you for giving me candies to distribute - I had a great time handing out candies to people at coffee shops, hotels, McDonalds, Powells, in cars waiting for us to cross the street.....Thank you to our leader, even though no one is in charge, but holding a megaphone and speaking in it to guide us to the next destination does give you some authority - you did an awesome job....

Thank you for reminding me that Christmas is so much more than buying presents and stressing about what needs to get done...it's about the spirit of giving and making people smile...thank you all for doing that for me yesterday and giving me the opportunity to do it for others as well.... Have a great holiday season, everyone - you guys are AWESOME!!!! (I'm already planning on having a real Santa suit for next year.)

Portland Santacon 2003
By Santa Martian

It was time for the big event of two-thousand-three
I am speaking of course of the great Sant-ar-chy

I met up with Santas at Hung Far Lo
and was greeted with many a ho ho ho

There were so many Santas - over a hundred and twenty
With presents and beards and red suits a plenty

I saw Mexican Wrestling Santa and Jack Skellington
While surprised patrons ate their Beef Wellington

I was wearing a Santa suit filled with air
We sang "Ho, Santa, Hey, Santa" to the tune from Hair

I had already missed a number of places
Like Saturday Market and potato sack races

We bought from a salesman with blinking light things
We better catch up - look! A santa with wings!

We visited the SantaLand Diaries at the Schnitz
It was an unending tirade - a Santarchy blitz

Our next stop was the Virgina Café
Where Santa Wop got his megaphone taken away

Time to move on with Santas galore
And then we decided to go to the store

Nordstroms had already closed for the night
But Meyer and Frank still had on the light

Up the escalator what did we see?
Santa Land! With a big Christmas tree!

We passed by many store patrons confused
and alas, store security was not amused

Evicted from Santaland with nary a ho
We moved on to the Max with more places to go

As we waited for the train to come near
I heard a Santa make a call for cheer

When I say Santa you say HO!
Santa! Ho! Santa! Ho!

After the train ride we went to the Tube
Santas had olives and water - that was rude

On to Mary's we got a surprise
A COVER charge at a STRIP club? That was not wise!

Santa Negotiator said are you cracked?
One drink min and the cover was wacked

It was standing room only with so many Santas
They drank lots of beer and I don't mean Fanta's.

The song Santa Baby got many cheers
And quite a few Santa's spilled quite a few beers

Next was a theater of which I won't talk
The River City Saloon next door was not far to walk

Our final destination was somewhat far
So some of us Santas rode in a car

An ambulance, actually, with Santa in front
And 32 Santas packed in, what a stunt

We could hold no more Santas, the door closed with a snap
Then a cute reindeer sat in my lap

We piled out of the ambulance with glee
We had arrived at the Jasmine Tree

A pirate with a hook in an odd place
Was singing songs of yule with grace

They sold out of Hail Santa CDs
And I got a ride to my car from Santa Cheese

When I arrived home it had started to snow
Until two-thousand-four this is my last ho

-Santa Martian

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