From TTy99@aol.com Sat Jun 27 19:30:50 1998
Date: Fri, 12 Jun 1998 18:03:38 -0600
From: TTy99@aol.com
To: INDIGO FLEET List Serve <indigo@cyberhighway.net>
Subject: [INDIGO] USS PROMETHEUS: Uneasy lies the head

---OFFICIAL INDIGO FLEET TRANSMISSION---

Date: Fri, 12 Jun 1998 20:02:13 EDT
From: <TTy99@aol.com>
Subject: [INDIGO] USS PROMETHEUS: Uneasy lies the head

SD 100613.0100 GMT

Scene: Captain's Ready Room
FMD 7.0245

Normally, the pain would have been a distraction, making it impossible for him
to concentrate. Tonight Sovak welcomed it, a physical manifestation of the
agony that wracked his very soul.

It had been four days since he had slept, but he did not feel tired. An hour
or two of silent meditation often imparted more peace of mind and rest than
humans could achieve in eight hours of tossing and turning. Sovak was used to
going long stretches without sleep by using meditative techniques, usually
making up for it by eventually taking a whole day to allow his body to
regenerate itself when it became impossible to continue any longer.

Increasingly, though, he was finding it hard to achieve the state of mind that
allowed him to "center" himself and achieve a state somewhere between waking
and dreaming where he could rest and contemplate. He had been taught the
techniques by the very best teachers Vulcan had to offer, and long practice
had virtually perfected them. It was a way to disassociate himself from the
pain and turmoil of the physical world, to find the inner peace that allowed
him to achieve almost perfect self-control under any circumstances: the
legendary "Vulcan serenity" that so many species seemed jealous of.

Yet now he found his mind restless and prone to wandering when he tried to
begin the calming process that was the very first step along this road,
something that had never bothered him before.

He shifted slightly in his lotus position, causing another stabbing pain to
shoot through his abdomen. The only visible manifestation of it was a slight
tightening of the lines around his mouth and the fact that he went immediately
still to avoid making it any worse. And it was getting worse, Sovak feared.
>From a mild annoyance, he had started feeling it lately every time he moved,
and soon he would be able to ignore it no longer.

There were Vulcan techniques to suppress the pain, and Sovak was well-schooled
in those as well, should he choose to use them. But he did not. Instead he
reveled in his suffering, trying to feel and understand every nuance,
welcoming it as just punishment for the decisions he had made.

You have not yet taken a life, he reminded himself for the thousandth time,
though it did no more good now to hear it than the first time. The actual
attacks he ordered on the Dalriada had all failed, so in the most rigid
interpretation of his command to date, he was not *directly* responsible for
any loss of life.

What about the shuttle pilots? another voice in his head coldly demanded. You
knew they were going to die when you sent them out to try and destroy as many
missiles as they could. Did they stand a real chance when you issued that
order? And even worse, had they all died in vain?

Once more he shifted slightly, sending another stab of welcome agony racing
through his system as he thought of all the lives lost in that engagement,
and, what was infinitely worse, his responsibility for it, no matter how small
the contribution.

Logically, of course, there had been no other choice at the time. If he had
not followed Slick's orders, if he had not sent the shuttlecraft out to buy
them a few extra precious seconds, the PROMETHEUS and all aboard her would no
doubt have suffered the same fate as the AGAMEMNON. The needs of the many,
Sovak intoned solemnly in his mind, outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one.

Yet did they? Was there ever any justification for sacrificing a life, *any*
life, to save another one? What right did he have to make such a judgement?
Was not all life equally precious in the Great Creator's sight? To snuff out
that precious spark of existence, a prize beyond reckoning, was it not a crime
against the universe itself?
So he had always been taught, and so he believed with every fiber of his
being. 

It was somehow easier, more comforting, to simply follow orders and leave the
ultimate decision to someone else. To "pass the buck", as the humans would
say, rationalizing the fact that although it may have been your hand that
committed the murder, it was someone else's ultimate responsibility, and thus
not your fault after all.

Not that he would commit murder, of course. Sovak would die himself before
performed such an unforgivable sin. But contributing to the death of any
sentient being, no matter how incidental the contribution, was to share in the
responsibility. He had known that, of course, when he joined Starfeet, but how
much longer could he excuse his actions by reciting the old tired mantra of "I
was only following orders"?

As mere Science officer, he could afford the luxury of deluding himself that
it was someone else's responsibility to decide who would live and who would
die, and there was little he could do to affect it either way. Now that held
true no longer.

Sovak had never, ever expected to be in the position of the final decision-
maker, with power of life and death over not only every person aboard his own
ship, but also the awesome responsibility of commanding a weapon that could
incinerate a planet. And this ship is a weapon, he told himself grimly, as
much I have tried to deny that fact in my own mind. 

Soon he would have to sleep. And visit Sickbay, to have someone tend to what
he was sure was a broken rib, though the jagged end seemed to have lodged up
against some internal organs in a most..... uncomfortable fashion.

But tonight, it seemed right that he should be denied peace of mind because of
an injury sustained in a battle where so many had died. It was difficult to
share in the emotional pan his crew must be feeling, so this physical pain
would serve as the universe's way of reminding him, of *telling* him, that
every life was sacred and none could or should be sacrificed for any reason,
if there was another way.

Overall, though, it was not the pain, nor the guilt that he felt, which
consumed him the most. The past was the past, and one could only learn from
it. To torture yourself over decisions and actions already taken was not only
illogical, but counter-productive, making one even more hesitant to act
decisively when the time came again where similar circumstances would be
faced.

Of all the fates, Sovak wondered, how is it that I find myself in command of a
warship, facing a determined and ruthless enemy who obviously cares little
about shedding more blood, *lots* of blood, to achieve what amounted to
transitory dominance over this region of space for the next decade, or even
the next century? It was not logical, yet it was an undeniable fact.

Now he, Sovak, would have to fight them. It was logical to do so, given the
situation, and he knew many Vulcans who could and would justify the loss of
life involved by quoting the old revered mantra about the "needs of the
many....". But he was not one of them. Every life he was responsible for,
every decision he had to make which could deny or preserve an individual's
existence on either side, was a heavier burden than anything Sovak had ever
thought possible. And each life lost, every result of his decisions, would
taint his soul. 

Once the war is over, Sovak wondered, will my katra, bloodstained as it will
inevitably become, still be welcome in the Great Hall beneath Mount Selaya
among the rest of my people? Or will it be rejected as "unclean" and "defiled"
by all the blood I will have to spill before I finally pass over the threshold
of death? It had happened before, and for the same reasons he now faced.

In my father's eyes, I have already disgraced myself by merely accepting
command. Yet this is only the beginning of a very long and very arduous road.
Will only oblivion lie at the end of it? Or is there a place for tortured and
tainted souls such as mine is sure to become?

The Vulcan Captain's head drooped and his eyes closed briefly, taking
advantage of his solitude to allow an unfamiliar play of expressions to march
across his face: sadness, regret, guilt, apprehension....... There were so
many and they were so painful, far more so than any physical discomfort that
he might feel from his abdomen, that he was not sure, for the first time since
he was a child, of his ability to cope with them all. Yet to deny what he was
feeling, to refuse to examine or to contemplate them, would be the greater
crime here. No, somehow, he must come to understand the unfamiliar emotions
and accept them as part of his fate. But if this was only the beginning, then
how much worse could it get? 

Sovak was not sure, but one thing was certain. He would find out. The universe
had plans for him, it seemed, and his own desires did not enter into it.

*********************************************************
Scene: Same place
FMD 7.0850

Lieutenant Commander Rand Talon just barely stifled another yawn. It had been
a long night, though he had managed to snatch a few hours of sleep somewhere
between meetings, inspections and about two and a half hours EVA time
supervising and assisting in the repair of the outer hull. That was more
continuous time in a space-suit than he'd logged since Academy days, and his
creaky joints felt it.

Now he had to brief his new Captain on the progress they had achieved during a
sleepless night for so many crewmen. He would've done so even earlier, but
when he tried to find Sovak at 0755, the computer had casually informed him
the Vulcan CO was not even aboard! That had surprised Rand..... more than a
little, if he was being absolutely truthful. Still, he supposed the Captain
had needed to meet with Admiral Brooks or something. It wasn't until five
minutes ago that the computer had informed him Sovak was back on board.

Standing in front of the ready room door, the Dalriadan First officer
unconsciously straightened himself and tapped the chime. Sovak had made it
quite clear to the XO that he did not appreciate random officers just
strolling in, unlike yesterday's mass chaos, so he would try to set an example
for future dealings with the Captain.

"Come," came the Vulcan's flat voice from a hidden speaker, and Rand
immediately stepped forward through the now-open doors.

Sovak was in his usual rigid stance, waiting for Talon in the middle of the
room instead of seated behind his desk. Rand thought that was unusual, but
then again, he reminded himself wryly, so was his Captain. For a Vulcan, that
is.

"I have a briefing here, sir, on our current progress," he said formally,
handing Sovak the PADD he'd been working on since yesterday.

A fractional nod was his only acknowledgment, and Rand, like a good officer,
assumed a position of parade rest while his superior examined the report. It
didn't take long, as he'd suspected, while he watched Sovak's eyes rapidly
absorb the data laid out before him.

"Satisfactory, Commander," the CO stated. "We are on schedule to become
operational by 1900 hours. Now let's see what we can do to finish ahead of
schedule."

"With all due respect, Captain," Rand replied slowly, "we are stretching our
resources to the limit to even achieve even this much. Lt. Modix has done a
wonderful job of scraping together anyone who even knows what a plasma stream
looks like to assist the engineers, Kyran's people are turning out to be more
help than anything we had imagined and Commander Walker is doing a spectacular
job of patching things together with chewing gum and baling wire, but OMEGA
has not been able to help much, which has offset any gains by our own crew.
They said they are quote fully occupied with our own preparations unquote. Of
course, that whole hostage thing last night didn't help much either....."

"I appreciate your difficulties, Commander," cut in Sovak, "but nevertheless,
I am asking that you try to have this ship ready by 1700 hours, if not
earlier. The latest intelligence reports are vague, but this starbase is the
logical target if the Dalriadans have any hope of driving the Federation from
this sector of space. It is our only base of any consequence, and they could
show up here at any moment. If they did so right now, we would be what the
terrans like to call a sitting duck. Therefore we *must* try and move even
faster."

Rand shook his head, knowing what this would mean to an already exhausted
crew, but only said: "I understand, Captain, and I'll see what can be done."

"1700 hours, Commander Talon," intoned Sovak gravely, fixing his XO's eyes
with an unwavering and intense stare.

"Yes, sir," the XO acknowledged wearily, taking back the PADD from Sovak's
outstretched hand, then pivoting on one heel with practiced ease and marching
out.

After the door shut behind him, Sovak reached out with one hand and leaned
against the desk for support, closing his eyes to concentrate on controlling
the pain. It had been hard enough to act like nothing was wrong during his
visit to the CONSTELLATION, and he did not know how much longer he could last
without either entering a healing trance or visiting Sickbay. But they were
still very busy, according to the status report he had asked for a few minutes
before Commander Talon's visit, so he would try to wait a little longer.

He would've liked to personally supervise and assist in the repairs, but that
much movement would probably be more than he could handle at the moment. Talon
was doing an excellent job, though, in some ways even better than Sovak had
dared to hope was possible. The presence of "robo-Vulcan" watching over
everyone's shoulders might, in fact, be more of a hindrance than a help at
this point.

Although I might not be able to help with the ship's repairs, he reasoned,
there are still important tasks that I am better qualified to do than probably
anyone else in this sector and fortunately, they require very little movement.
Only concentration.

Moving slowly and leaning on his supporting hand the whole way, Sovak made his
way around the perimeter of the desk and sank gratefully into the chair behind
it, where he allowed himself the luxury of closing his eyes for a moment as he
willed away the worst of the discomfort. Reaching out with one slender hand,
he brought up his computer console, then quickly tapped in a series of
commands.

Within seconds, the elegant, cursive script of the extinct Burrakans scrolled
across his screen, taken from his tricorder records on the PROMETHEUS' all-
too-brief visit to Burrakis. Sovak suspected the Dalriadans were using
bursite, the mysterious crystals used by the long-dead natives as a power
source, to power their own ships and weapons. That would account for many of
the anomalies in readings from the enemy's ships, and if he could somehow
discover a way to neutralize it from these ancient writings, then perhaps the
advantage would shift to the Federation.

As an archaeologist, Sovak had been studying Burrakis for years, though he had
never dreamed that he would someday be one of the first to visit this lost
world. His problem before had always been so few artifacts and writing samples
to study. Now that he had much more, he did not have time to study them.
Normally it would take weeks, months or even years to carefully examine and
painstakingly decipher the mass of data before him. Now he had only hours.
Would it be enough?

It would have to be, he concluded grimly, dismissing all extraneous thoughts
from his mind as he leaned forward and intently focused on his computer
screen. For now, at least, there was no pain.........

***********************************************
[NRPG]
Sorry for my relative silence, folks. Non-ASR distractions have gotten in the
way, but I'm raring to go once again, so let's get some posts out there!

Just a little character development and mysterious hints. For those of you who
might be unaware of it, the planet Burrakis was our last mission before Kobe
IV, and the YAMATO's current one. It is also the only source of bursite, and
currently controlled by the Dalriadans. It may yet figure prominently in the
overall scheme of things.

For now, continue posting for day 7, people. The hostage crisis will be
resolved soon, but we will not figure into it, except perhaps peripherally.
Once we finish our repairs (and that means enough to get going, not *fully*
finished), we will be leaving OMEGA to take up station on the outer edges of
the system, watching and waiting for the Dalriadan fleet. 

As my post hopefully informed you, Sovak will be pretty much hiding away from
everyone for most of the day, though he will take the bridge when we get ready
to leave.

FMD 7.0245     Sovak tries to meditate      Tim
FMD 7.0850     Talon briefs the Captain     Tim

Josh: Hope you don't mind be borrowing Talon for that brief scene. I would've
consulted you, but I wanted to get something out ASAP.

Respectfully submitted,

Tim Tyson
Captain Sovak
USS PROMETHEUS
tty99@aol.com


***This message sent by an official member of Indigo Fleet***



Are you also posting your message to the newsgroup?!!!


---END TRANSMISSION---