THE SUBSTANCE OF FELLOWSHIP


To be brief, our culture is witnessing a "fade" in basic courtesies and old-fashioned "manners!" Most readily admit that. But "fellowship" goes further, particularly in the Craft. The Craft is about those who ARE better, not just 'desire' to be better. That means that there is a certain magnitude of "expectations," which should be automatically fulfilled. As Yoda says, "You do, or you do not; there is no TRY."

Renaissance Lodge has almost a “strange” reputation for an interesting thing called “fellowship;” they enjoy a lot of it! AS A MATTER OF FACT, out of three years, Grand Lodge gave Renaissance Lodge TWO awards for "Fraternalism." [Remember that word, "reputation," it will be important later.]

There’s something interesting about the topic of “fellowship.” Over the years, something has changed in Masonry. Strangely, “fellowship” is now treated as a phenomenon – among Masons.

WHAT?

So, what happened? We are all asking why the members’ seats are so typically empty in our Lodge or Chapter Rooms. Our officer lines are becoming more difficult to fill.

Believe it or not, basic "manners" have been forgotten in the Craft! Be aware. Did you remember to say thank you? Did you send an E-mail to say thanks? A card? Or did you just take things for granted? Hey, it happens!

If you want to see some fellowship, make arrangements to attend a Renaissance Table Lodge (they do have a few events for the ladies) and enjoy some of it at their Table Lodge. It might be worth your time to take some notes. After dinner, somebody usually has to ask the Masons to leave, as everybody has such a good time. Now, there’s a compliment – and an endorsement!

Renaissance Lodge is an enigma. Their Lodge Room is the epitome of ‘Spartan;’ nothing fancy. Their ritual is complete, but famous for being expedient. So, the fellowship is obviously far more a function of the Table Lodge – and after. So, how does one account for that fellowship? Count the heads, it’s not the quantity; it’s clearly the quality.

Is it possible that Masonic fellowship – if not the Craft - is on the brink of extinction? Obviously, the threat is real, evidenced by so many empty chairs and the numbers of fading Lodges and Chapters – there is no denial available. Something needs to be done; to be restored.

While it is not really certain what happened, it is worth questioning whether or not the American culture, in particular, is experiencing a negative dividend from a “…what’s in it for me…” attitude, which is so common in our societies. Think about it, for a moment. How many times have we encountered an attitude, whether spoken or implied through actions, which goes to the question, "Why should I? Or; "What do I owe him/them?" Have those attitudes permeated our Lodge and Chapter Rooms, as well? It’s possible.

Our eldest members can’t quite describe what the magic was, when the Masonic Lodges and Chapter Rooms were normally full. The typical comment is important. “There was a time when being a Mason really meant something.”

What was that “something?” There’s a clue in that statement; it’s heard too often. That “something” has to go beyond the Masonic element of ‘legacy,’ there was obviously more there – it could only have been “fellowship.”

Think for a moment, when was the last time a Chapter had 'official' greeters, at the door? How often do you notice a social "buzz," as members make it a point to go around the room and greet as many people as possible? How many just 'officers' have a Chapter business card? How many Chapters do you know who send a birthday card?

If necessary, we need "fellowship" classes!

Many of the "old timers" also speak to a fraternal loyalty when it came to money matters. A job opening was first offered to a Brother or Sister. A car for sale was first announced in Masonic circles. Denying or cheating a Brother or Sister was out of the question. Amazing, the contents of Anderson's Constitutions (1723) made it that far. Imagine it being 'cool' to stand up and say the "I took care of a Brother/Sister." There's some neat fellowship. Imagine the effect of the subsequent acknowledgement, when the statement is made, "I'll never forget that Brother Jones saw to it that my family was fed."

Is it possible that the quality, quantity and variety of television and the Internet have satisfied our appetite for stimulation? To a degree, that might be possible; but we must acknowledge that we still have a need for human interaction. That takes us back to ‘fellowship;’ that certain “something.” That continuation of human warmth, which isn't terminated with the press of a power switch; or clicking on the "EXIT" icon of a computer screen.

FELLOWSHIP: "The joy which accompanies the acts of giving and expressing gratitude."

(For best results, memorize that definition.)


Get away from the thought that "This is a give and take world - quid pro quo - something received for something given." Why abandon that idea?? Because it is a SEVERELY LIMITING idea.

Imagine what goes on at a potluck. Everybody brings; everybody receives. AND; there's usually a lot left over, which people are begged to take home! Imagine that! All because of an attitude. Isn't that a major part of our Masonic experience?

Most are keenly aware that our ‘discretionary time’ is almost as important as our ‘discretionary income,’ so what fills the successful Chapters and Lodges of today? There are still many successful Chapters and Lodges.

What would bring someone out to Chapter? What motive can we provide? "Education" might fill their mind; what would fill their heart?

Ladies, take a lesson from the male experience. Men are emotional creatures as well; they just run on adrenalin, instead of joy. [That’s a deliberate over-simplification.] Take a moment to examine the emotional needs of men, in particular. Not just a man's experiences, thoughts or beliefs - the thrill and passion of being a Mason. Remember the ‘classic’ of mountain climbers? “It was there; so I climbed it.” The greater truth is best described as, “It was there; and I knew how great it would FEEL to climb it.” The function of motivation says that the conviction had to precede the event. That emotional gratification speaks to a range of rewards from personal satisfaction to public acknowledgment, applause and even honors. The emotional payoff is the key. So is it among Masons, even today. Yes ladies, men ARE emotionally available, they’re just a little “different.” Take a lesson from the obvious mistakes.

It's not difficult to find someone impassioned about being a Masonic member; those are whom come to Lodge/Chapter. BUT, the Craft is challenged to attract those who are also sincerely "gratified" to be a member.

So, where can we start? Think to that seeming 'wall flower.' He/she just looks like they want to be left alone. We quickly rationalize that we're being 'courteous' to leave them alone.

DON'T DO THAT!!!    (And - don't let others 'do it.' Get involved!)

Wall-flowers stay at home! Our members want and need to be recognized and acknowledged ("It's good to see you again, thanks for coming. I hope to see you more often. Are you coming to the picnic next month?") Go over to the person & introduce yourself. Find it in yourself to care about them AND let them know that you care about her/him – That person is your Sister or Brother! Remember the lyrics from that '60s song - "He Ain't Heavy - He's my Brother!" That person is your Sister or Brother; let them know that!

Just do it!

Let’s get back to that “stuff,” which we so affectionately term, “fellowship.” It’s as simple as looking to your cat – seriously! If you admit that you don't have the answer; you'll seek the solution - only then. Claiming to be "mystified" by the problem doesn't solve it. Look to what you know works in other arenas. What makes your cat come to you and love you. Sisterly or Brotherly love isn't that much different.

A story:

A member of the Grand Lodge team recently began describing a ‘mystery’ in the fellowship which he observed in the Filipino community; in and out of the Lodge environment. He attempted to account for that fellowship by describing such things as a common native language (Tagalog), a common heritage, a common geographic origin, etc. The Filipinos, he described had a wonderful result of that commonality - fellowship. Interestingly, he didn’t realize that he was describing everyday America – less the fellowship.

Most important in that story is that the Brother not only asked the question; he persisted in the question. Disregarding Divine Intervention, fate, luck and chance, the dynamics of success dictate that only powerful questions lead to powerful answers (results). The Brother persisted.

Returning to the story, one quickly concludes that ‘fellowship’ IS more than a cliché. Could it be that there are certain identifiable characteristics or ‘processes’ of “fellowship,” which make it a dynamic ‘happening?’

Of course! But, exactly, what is contained in successful “fellowship?” (Check with your cat.)

First, let’s be clear that our general association of "fellowship” is sharing and caring in numbers. That's our typical focus. Romance and bloodlines are unimportant, here. Masonry is an association - a positive interpersonal relationship; you first have to assemble with a willingness (if not an intent or design) to experience a good time; and enhance the experience of others. True fellowship is not merely assembling in a common space; something needs to happen there. Personal agendas or ‘power trips’ are not appropriate. This is about sharing and caring – and giving.

There’s also the very important aspect that one feels ‘special,’ to be included in such a gathering. Remember your initiation? You ARE special! So is your family.

The mechanisms of “caring” or love are the same – it’s all a matter of magnitude and circumstance.

So, what’s true in that “fellowship” picture (remember your cat.)

1. You communicate to the other person(s) that you care.
2. You communicate to the other person(s) WHY you care.
3. You demonstrate to the other person(s) that you care.
4. The affection has to be unconditional. (Expectations don’t belong.)
5. The affection has to be trustworthy.


Now, do you remember your cat?? Do you remember the feeling that your cat gives to you? For an unsolicited treat, or a scratching of the cat's ears, you got loved to death! Fellowship is about the experience of “feelings,” not just well intended actions, thoughts and beliefs.

[Gentlemen, ask your ladies about the statements, immediately above, at your own peril.]

So, when one shares the joviality of a particular environment, one witnesses and experiences “gifts” of humor, toasts of respect, compliments and sometimes physical gifts. In some form, the dynamics listed above are ALL present.
Let’s drop back to some Scripture – “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Remember that one? Well, it goes deeper, because the ‘giving’ produces an emotional result sometimes related as ‘fun’ or even joyous. (Remember that treat you gave your cat? How did that “feel?”)

What if   -  "It is more thrilling to give than to receive!"

So, the fellowship which we address in the Masonic community can be the “gift” of attendance, interaction, listening without passing judgment, protecting and honoring the other person’s dignity, support, advice, an idea, a compliment, a joke, a sincere question – or even a tangible present. Or, perhaps, ‘all-of-the-above.’ Fellowship is that close-in charity, which we give to each other.

So, what can the individual bring to that “fellowship?” Particularly today, just your presence is truly a “gift.” Bring a good attitude and a sense of humor; perhaps a joke or an interesting story. Bring your anticipation of - or creation of - a good time. Overcome any reservations or ‘risks’ as to whether or not you’ll have a good time – or learn (possibly receive) something of value.

Equally important - bring another Brother, or a friend. Extend an invitation, secure a commitment; then be so caring as to remind that other person. Treasures shouldn’t be kept as secrets.

Fellowship is also an action item; not just an option. “So,” you ask, “what can I do?” Following is a short ‘list:’

A. Be aware of what is going on – the immediate event is destined to be the primary source of conversation and interaction. If boredom should somehow prevail, you may be able to stimulate conversation, entertainment or information.

B. Make it a point to interact; to get to know others – and allow them to get to know you. Share information with others; name, family, job, travels, interests, hobbies – even problems (and solutions.)

C. Be alert and considerate as to the needs and wants of others. Your input may be required. The infamous wall-flower may need to be drawn out. Possibly, he/she may need to be left alone.

D. Acknowledge, recognize, applaud, congratulate, reward and facilitate others.

E. Find, share or create humor – and fun!

Wonderful things are possible!

But, there is a caveat…. Remember the aspect that the caring has to be trustworthy???

Think of the enthusiasm which you experienced when you signed your Chapter By-laws. For most of us, that was a great feeling; we were certified as being ‘special.’ Did something change? What happened to those Sisters and Brothers which we no longer see come to Chapter? Think for a moment.

We commonly call our non-officers "sideliners." Aren't those the losers on sports teams? What happened to "member," or "visitor?" These are people - whom we know or SHOULD know.

Masonic statistics demonstrate that 50% to 85% of the new Master Masons give up within their first year. Put those statistics into the percentage of members who attend their Lodge - don't count visitors. Five percent? Fifteen percent? What happened?

In all likelihood, they ultimately became Masonic “JAMs” ( J ust A nother M ember). From that time forward, they no longer felt ‘special,’ nor did they probably feel ‘included.’ They quit, demitted, or just resigned themselves to pay dues & maybe attend Chapter functions occasionally. Some “shopped” the Craft, attempting to find that niche, where they could trust in being or feeling ‘special.’ According to current statistics, some made it; most didn’t. In a sentence: They probably felt abandoned.

American Freemasonry is famous for giving away millions of dollars away to public charity – every day! But, what do we give to each other? Try “fellowship,” the dynamic version. Think about it; it’s even “free!”

But, yes, there is the usual - and valid - question of “WHY” to fellowship. To borrow a line concerning sex, from a Barbara Streisand movie – [The Mirror Has Two Faces]

“Because it just ______ feels good!”

At least as a beginning, take two simple steps:

First, get in touch with this thought, “I go there, because I feel so good when I leave!”

Second, visualize full Chapter Rooms; what feelings go with that vision?

HINT - "Pride" is also a feeling.

Oh, do you remember the comment about the term, "reputation?" Here's why that's important. The "reputation" means that anyone can have a thing called "confidence" in having a good time. That is vitally important for a regular event - such as Chapter night. That requires the element of courage to attend, to participate and to properly facilitate the elements of fellowship. Attending 'fellowship' events requires the courage to attend - with a "go for it!" attitude. Sometimes it's also a matter of inviting/challenging others to do the same. This is another example of reaping what one sows.

Here's the challenge - invite someone to join you; and give them a reminder phone call. Let them know that you care.

Please start by attending the Chapter of your choice.

AHEM! Kirkland 176 meets the first and third Wednesday of every month, going dark in July and August. The meetings start at 7:30 - You're invited!.



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