If I Were in Congress

Sent by my brother..too good not to share!

So, here's what I would do if I were in Congress these days.

When the CEOs from the auto companies stop by, I'd take their keys hide them. Then I'd ask them how much they were thinking about paying each month. After they told me, I'd steer them towards a bailout package that's completely different than what they wanted. We'd finally decide on a bailout package, and I'd tell them, "OK, I just have to go run it by the finance committee. It will just be a couple minutes. Help yourself to some burnt coffee in a silly paper cup.

After a few minutes of chatting with my coworkers, I'd come back and tell the CEOs that I have this great package for them, and their monthly payments would only be double what they originally wanted to pay. Of course, they wouldn't go for it, so I'd tell them that I'd love to give them a good deal, and I'll go back and talk to the finance committee and see if I could get the monthly payments lower.

Help yourself to more coffee.

After a few minutes of telling more jokes to my coworkers, I'd come out again and remind the CEOs that I really want them to leave with a deal, and could they put down just a little more. That way, I could get the monthly payment down to about 125 percent of what they really wanted to pay.

After a few more trips to the finance committee, I'd finally tell the CEOs that we can get the payments down to what they wanted, because I'd really like to see them leave with a really great deal. Now that they're all happy, I'd sell them the extended loan care package that keeps all those billions of dollars looking brand new.

So then we'd get down to signing the paperwork - the unabridged Encyclopedia Brittanica volume of paperwork including the form where you sign to acknowledge the extended protection will be revoked at the same moment they would actually want to use it and initial the disclaimer paragraph that they will likely be screwed in the long run.

So now they're off with their brand-new, shiny loan. I'd then give it a couple days before I call and say, "So, how are you enjoying your new loan? Great. I was calling to let you know that the loan really didn't go through, but if you could put down, say, another 2 billion, I could get you into a great interest rate. Oh, and here's my card, if you know of anyone else who would like a loan in the future." Perhaps then, the auto CEOs would realize why most Americans are indifferent to their possible collapse. --